Well mi buhnunnunus’es I did surely miss oonun hall week especially yessideh! So live for Lagos Nigeria, home of more people dan China (and de ooman dem still breeding) I Obara “reporter Meji Chin am bringing you all the updates that I promised. By the way, this is Sunday, but I promised to update! Haleluyer?…Haleluyer, Hamen..we bless the Lord?..Hamen!! Shalama, Shalama, Shalama, Halabasiyah alabashonda, bo bo bo bo bo!!!!!!….yes man tongues mi ah chat!
Well the big party was yesterday, and all went well. The place was crowded and the popular musician came and nice up de place, mi darlings I changed three times and wore my crown marked YEYE OTUN ARABA OF EJIGBO KINGDOM, and He wore his also OTUN ARABA OF EJIGBO KINGDOM. De popular musician galang bad wid mi name han tickle mi ei si, like when yuh find ah twinny guinep inna yuh bunch, yes massa me was tickled pink. Yes missis and massa this lickle girl from Kingston 13 Jamaica deh ah Africa and have on himportant crown and people ah spray me wid money and hall dem tings dere. Den when mi have on de crown and mi white strapless lace gown de people dem sey mi fava Yemoja, some come an call me Osun. When Nigerians pamper you, you are well pampered, Charles and teeA come validate this statement oooo!
Mi darlings the King of Ejibo came Oba Maroof and he sprayed my Oluwo and I with about 200, 000# (Niara) to be hones I am not sure how much but it was a lot, being that he is a King he had his courtesan spray we, yes children money fly all over de party, like ah flock ah birds flying east fi de winter, more dan Jamaica Prime Minister Portia” doing less wid more money” Jamal Simpson flying across de globe.
Hand shake like wow, but (Sorry teeA and Charles and all Africans no dis-respect but this is true)one of my taboo is do not shake hands, and I am happy for it, because Africans on a whole love to play with their nose. and ah dem sey front line when God holler out “WHO WANT NOSE!!, to put it nicely. From de young to de old, de nose ting dem deal wid different, dem nuh fraid ah booguhdem all play rolly poley wid it, or flash it some whey me it lan inna sumaddy lap, but I am still Jamaican and yuh know how we feel bout dem tings dere. So ah bay hug mi hug. dem sey scawnful dawg wi nyam duttie puden, but mi nuh nyam from people so no duttie pudden fi mi.
Well de party went on into a frenzy, de outfits and de yeyelashes dem (we need to build a hair and eyelash salon in Nigeria for the women,) caws, no sah, it nuh tan good at all, but de dressing was very fine. One woman tattooed her eye brow and it seemed like the tattoo artist had a nervous problem because the eye brow look like an upside down V, so when she greeted me I could not help but ask “Huh? and she looked at me quizzically (well choo de upside down V tattooed eyebrows, a quizzical look is one she wears all the time) and she said ‘Huh” and I said “Huh”? and she “Huh”, and I “Huh”? together we composed an orchestra with our HUH’S which would have perhaps impressed the great composer Beethoven in his deaf state, me in falsetto and she dung inna baritone, until I realized or probably was brought out of my trance to realize that the green (green enuh, de color green like Kermit de frog, Miss Piggy boyfriend) tattooed upside down V eyebrows was a demonic force within it self, created by the artist with Parkinson’s disease fi people mek idiots of themselves. What ah wicked and brutal act!
Ok forgive me please…disclaimer here!!!…I must confess that I Obara Meji love fi laugh afta people, yes its true, mi laugh afta mi owna pickney dem who mi love more dan anyting in dis world, all laugh afta mi self no lie, as to mi children all grung mi lan when mi ah laugh afta dem. All mi madda mi laugh afta, when she ah look fi har ear piece, she go up inna tenor tone and say “ah whey mi earz muffin, oonuh si mi earz muffin! is ah ear piece shi ah tawk enuh, mi laugh so till pee pee come dung an ah ask ah wha appen? in odda words mi laugh so till pee pee mek mi know why him ave dat nick name, for him come peep and look! So I love to laugh and mi find tings fi entertain mi self! ok, now back to regular programming!
Well the party was in full swing even as night made its appearance to join us in celebrating our wonderful Orunmila, Nigerians knows how to party, I love them for that, you can never be bored around them, people were walking around doing tricks like swallowing fire and all kind of antics. Police were there for security, to make sure the peace was kept, Nigerians also love to drink, and they will fight also, not all in attendance were Orisha people, teef and robbas in de mix also, so the police (who were plenty there, I guess even for the Kings attendance and de popular musician) I took picture with almost everyone, some Iyanifa’s were upset because they did not get pictures with me, but when I was told, I called them over and pose like Paris Hilton without de dog and took pics with them.
Well as the night hugged us and enveloped the party, my Oluwo came to me and told me let us go, he would first take me to the compound and then come back to the party to settle some debts and then come back to drive me home. Me being a Jamaican woman, fold my hand and sey “mi nuh ready fi leff yet” hignorant because mi tink de man waan come park mi, and mi Jamaican ignorant thinking come out. De man sey ok, I guess because he saw de bringleness in mi eyes, but him bex. I should have listen to him instead of letting mi badgetten ways come in, mi sey people about ten minutes mi hear “bap. bap bap bap bap!!..gun shots…..Pee pee run come look fi si wha ha gwan, she neva come out, she just kotch ah de edge ah peep, people stawt run, hexcitement han stampede, pandemonium as Africans would say!!…It was de police giving gun salute to de party and to my Oluwo, but choo mi ah Jamaican when we hear shot ah flat we get, mi waan leff same time an go to de compound an wait till him come pick mi up den we drive home, (ah so de man did sey enuh, but fright tun mi humble), so mi look round fi him me and him eyes mek four. Him could tell dat me ready caws de people dem narly create stampede, like ah heard of Elephants running in the jungle, but him vex wid mi, (African wives listen to their husbands, in de party mi tell him, mi nah go no whey, ooman nuh back chat dem man in Africa, well me is no ordinary ooman, but in dat moment of “being very frightened” mi tun African wife!)
As we are leaving smady reverse inna we jeep, but de jeep strong, plus we neva yet neglect, Ogun, god of Iron so the Jeep was ok, but me and him narly cuss choo mi stubbornness, well him expel some claat, inna him language, whey mi neva undahstan dem deh kind ah wud deh, but i fgure sey ah cuss him ah cusss by de way how him neva chat to mi, lol. Him bex, so till, but mi beg God fi mek mi humble, because mi did waan fire back some duttie Jamaica bad wud back
(in ah de suck yuh mumma way, but how could I tell a Babalawo that, plus is my husband that I love and respect so much, and perhaps ah deeven bad wud him did ah cuss, suh mi chill). Ah dis mawnin we chat back. But odda dan dat all was and is well.
Obara “reporter (who fah high heel narly mek mi drop offa de stage when me ah come dung but it neva appen) Meji Chin reporting live from Lagos State, a fun place to be and Ebola free
Obara Meji is a spiritualist, Ifa-Orisa practitioner, and teacher of metaphysics. Since 2011 she has used her online platform to share her personal experiences to those seeking answers about spirituality. Her teachings will expand into short stories, novels, and public speaking to continue her mission of bringing enlightenment to the world.