I AM HAPPY TO BE ME

Someone made a comment the other day in one of my post and thanked me for sharing my experiences with them for them to learn. When I saw the comment I sighed and shook my head, to see how far I have come in life. From the little girl who was pushed out of all she knew which was her family home, to go and face the world with a new born baby when she was a child herself. I had no idea what the world had in store for me, or even if I would make it.

I was sad to leave my mother, and my eyes mist as I type this (it always does when I write about this time of my life and her), and yes, there goes the plop of the water splashing against the keys of my laptop, my eyes glaze as I continue to type and sniffle. I had no idea that a fascinating life waited for me up ahead. Fascinating in how I developed, the things I had to face and overcome, things I would learn, extraordinary encounters I would have, lessons I would learn, astral travel at nights, learn to read  the Tarot by non-physical beings, and become an oracle, and also a medium, so much more, was in store for me, as the world opened its arm and I walked within them, frightened, but hopeful.

I had no idea I would turn out to be me. Those things, stated were not on my mind, as I bundled up to face the world out on my own with first baby Obara. Looking back, I cannot tell you I had a hard time at first. God is so wonderful, because within the human, the mind protects you when all things seems to go out of range or alignment, or at least for me it did, my innocence protected me from the harshness and the reality of the world, and that was the first lesson I learned out on my own although it took years for me to understand it, we create our own reality.

I did not resent my mother for her decision, I realized she was ashamed of me (Jamaican parents, some of them, get embarrassed if their children gets pregnant while still in school, or at a young age, read here), and I was ashamed of myself for shaming her, but at the same time, I was happy that I had a baby to love me, she was my responsibility and I aimed to care her well.

My whole journey back then is recorded on this blog site, search and you will read them, but what I am happy for with all that I have been through, is that I have come out to be who I am, I am happy with me, my personality, my character, my spirituality and overall me, Obara Meji, I am happy to be me! Yes I do have my faults, some say I can get miserable sometime, (I have my reasons, don’t we all?), some say mi dark and ignorant, yes that is true at times, I am always right, why can’t you all see that?

Yes I will curse one or two or ten thousand expletives (Jamaican beautiful bad words, with all the cloths, so marvelous and expressive!) I must admit I love them, they say children live what they learn and my mother could have won spelling bee championship if all the words were Jamaican bad words, and me an Oscar, if the role I played dictated that I sing them like an opera, love them, I see them as art, but then, I am no ordinary person, so there is no fault in me for that. I once heard about a Zion revival church woman, nicknamed madda Bloodclaat, they said when she got into spirit is pure claat (Jamaican bad word) she cuss. I would have loved to meet her, but I digress, let me get to the post.

I have always been fascinated by people, especially those who are awake and enlightened. I always say, I may not remember what a person look like, but I will remember their mind, how they think, their philosophy and perspective on life, that is what fascinates me. It was when I initiated into Egbe I realised that my destiny had a lot to do with the betrayal I faced, but way before I initiated into the traditional practice of Ifa , I worried and cried a lot because of this disappointment I always met with human being. There was a time when I would take people off the streets to live with me, because I did not want anyone to be homeless, these were people who I would talk to in passing and realize after a while that they had no home, and I would invite them to my house cook for them, give them a bed and pillow, they would stay with me for months and then one day, they would disappear, only one out of about ten people have ever kept in touch with me or even remembered me. If I were at fault or treated them badly, I would not be writing this post, I have tons of other things to write about, instead of wasting my time typing this and you all know I cannot type well. I have tons of stories, but I will only tell a few and you be the judge, now again, just so you know, I am telling the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth!

There was a time, (I am beginning from the middle, meaning when I am an adult, if I were to go from the start, I would not finish this post for years to come) when I met this couple. I met them when I became  Obara Meji, meaning I was a spiritualist to them. As usual (love people tuh much), I liked them and we became close. I used to have spiritual feasts at my house and so I invited them to come. They had been to my house more than once, and the boyfriend seemed to be very interested in spirituality, he was troubled and there seemed to be a sadness within him, but I liked him and thought I could help him find his light. Of course I love to teach, and so I would show him how somethings manifested in the realm of spirit (fool fool eisi). The day I was to have the feast, they came to my home from early to help me arrange the place and to assist me with all the things I needed. There was a woman who had introduced me to them, little did I know that she was jealous of our new found friendship, (I had no idea that they bragged about me to people, about my talents, however she did), and while she was always with us, the jealousy was overpowering her, to the point of plotting against me behind my back. I was innocent to the fact. But you will ask the question, “Obara, how come you are spiritual and yet you did not know that there was a plot against you from this woman”? I will answer you by saying, “Often times, the spirit will show you things, but because you love the person (s), you will ignore the warning or qualify their behavior to yourself, thus ignoring the spirit. Or there are times, the spirit wants you to experience something, to learn the lessons from it, some lessons are harsh but one must go through them”

The Feast was a success and in the morning, around 6 am, when all was done and people were either going home, sleeping on my floor and eating, we all sat and laughed at how the spirits came down to the party and enjoyed themselves. They eventually left for home. I went to bed and woke up around 2pm. I called them to see how they were, they never picked up. I called through out the day, no answer, no return call. I called for days and up until today they have never returned my calls. Bloggers, this is the story full and true!  I will come back to them in a moment. Let me take you onto another journey, which ties into this one. There was a man, who got into a lot of trouble, he was looking at hard jail time and deportation. He was a client of mine, and had been for a long time, again (fool fool me) I liked him. He was quiet and had a good and gentle character, I still want to believe that he does. The case was long and hard for me to work spiritually so that he could be released, he really was innocent of the crime, just in the wrong place at the wrong time, but because he had priors, it did not look good on him. He worried, but I assured him that with God all things are possible. The case took some time for him to be released, it was that tough, but he was cleared of all charges, and not up for deportation anymore. He was over joyed, and so was I. A couple months after the case was won, I was not hearing from or seeing him.  Years later, I met his friend who use to come with him sometimes to visit me. The friend and I exchanged pleasantries, and I asked about him ,I was reluctant to, because I was hurt at his abandonment, but it would have looked odd if I did not. The friend told me that he was now a Christian and was going to church. He told me about the church had him in their clutches, and while we were talking he mentioned the names of the couple up top who left my house the morning and never returned. He did not know that I knew them, so he told me that the guy told him that he had told the couple that he use to be in problems and was helped by Obara Meji. The couple rebuked me to hell and told the guy that I worked with duppy (Ghosts) and I was not a Christian and that he must never come back to my house again. He was baptized and I guess to him I was the devil who tempted the Christ. It was later on that I found out that after the spiritual feast, the woman who had introduced me to the couple, and was getting jealous because of our closeness, had told them, that my feasts was me entertaining the dead, and that I was worshiping the dead. She told them so many things to scare them off me, they took themselves away from my evil.

Most spiritual people are not as accessible like I am. Is it this reason, why they take me for granted?. My Olowu (spiritual father) told me that after six pm I should lock my phone off from clients, but in my mind, I worry about who may need me, who may need to talk, who is having a problem and needs a shoulder. He scoffed at me, and told me that most people were ungrateful and were only using me for whatever problems they have. Yet, I cannot be who he is, regardless of the treatment I get. I cannot let ten thousand apples spoil the whole plantation, (in this sentence, I could not use one apple, because the amount ah bad getting people me meet).

All and all I am happy to be me, no human being will ever let me shed tears again,  I hope and pray not, mi taid ah it. Never again, no not I, no rasta, not de I. Little Obara said to me one day, “Mom, you are too emotional, and you get too deep into the affairs of others, when they don’t need you again, you feel hurt, don’t you know that you are only here to assist them and they will move on. Do not place emotions onto your journey, stop getting too close!’……The child in me (I grew up quick, so there is a child within) still wants a friend I guess, or the hurt in me still wants to comfort and heal others, as I wished for me. I want to shelter the homeless, but he becomes ungrateful, “emotions Obara, shelter him and when he leaves, shelter the next and let them go”. I wanted a hug all my life from my mother, “so Obara hug who you want to hug and let them go, no emotions”. I want to feed those who are hungry, “Obara do it, feed them and let them go, if they come again do it again”.

I have contemplated all that I have been through and have found out that I am happy to be me! I have not violated any human being, in that I am free!

Be happy with who you are and who you ought to be, accept the fact that this is your life. Learn your lesson Obara, learn your lessons bloggers and Peepers and go through. No more tears, hurt and disappointment at human beings. Do your best and leave it at that.

Do not judge me, you do not know what I have been through. Bloggers, do not Judge, be as objective as you can, you have no idea what a perons journey have been thus far, and what has shaped their personalities, accept them as they are or leave them be!

To you my dear Obara Meji, You are an evolved being, not an ordinary one. Learn from your experiences, do not let a lesson pass you by, this is the key to your continued evolution, teach as you teach everyone Obara, do this and your mind will be free!.

I Love you all

Obara Meji

Anuh one day monkey waan wife!…..Jamaican Proverb

Never forget the people that helped you today, you may need them in the future