Hi everyone, I am so sorry it took so long to finish writing this post. I broke down a couple of times while writing it, remembering bad times I thought I was numb to, but although I am over them (and I am) they are real memories, and I am indeed human. The crying spells are a given I suppose with topics like this. I have began this journey and I was not born a quitter and even though this post was hard, I managed to finish amid tears, please enjoy…. feel free to cry along with me lol – Obara Meji
Today is a new day and as we rise from our sleep we rise not knowing what lies ahead. What will we encounter today? Today I received a phone call from a woman I have never met but she reads my blog daily. In our conversation she told me about certain disappointments which she has had in her life, and that she was tired of all these things which she faced daily. In one of her dreams she saw something which I interpreted to her as disappointment coming, and while we spoke she lamented about this to me. She wondered why her?
She was tired of disappointments and problems, tired of difficulties. While she spoke I heard the line from the movie The Color Purple which Oprah made famous as Sophia.. “All my life I had to fight”…. This sentiment is shared by many people, maybe not in those words, nor even in the thoughts or minds, but still evident and present within their psyche. Within their awareness, they know that life is not an easy road, and some people respond to life accordingly. Some become robbers, and fraudsters, prostitutes, kidnappers, and other things, being trained by what they have seen or experienced in life, and they believe this is how they will have to live in order to survive.
Others learn how to cope and deal with obstacles, disappointments, and difficulties. They realize it to be natural occurrences which comes with life and they know that this too shall pass, once you can come through it without devastation. Then there are the others who cry and lament over what they face or the circumstances in which they were born, and they try to do everything to run away from life’s obstacles. Some even go the route of suicide, or some go crazy, using their minds to shield them from the world and its problems, not knowing that they will have to come and live the same life over again. There is no escaping it!, None. Life is filled with obstacles, disappointments and difficulties from birth to death, there is no escaping it! Should we hug and welcome or embrace it or even the thought of it? The answer is no, but ought we to know that it is a fact of life and be prepared to deal with it as it comes? The answer is Yes. Does everything we experience in life, good or bad teach something? The answer is Yes. So, Obara Meji what you are saying is that we should learn to accept the bad as well as the good? the answer is No. No? The answer is No! While we expect the bad in life, because it is a must that they come, we should not accept it. When one door closes another one will surely open, but how will you know this to be so if you sit in front of the closed door and believe that’s it, there’s no other way. Disappointment came and there is no option, no way to right the wrong done, no way to solve the problem, if you think this way then it surely will be that way for you. You cannot accept these difficulties which may come or threaten to come without fight. Once you have Life, there is Hope. How will you know how to defend yourself if you have never had a fight or even seen one?
Now I want to be clear, when faced with problems, accepting responsibility for the actions leading to or creating the problem is important, accepting the problem with no chance of redemption should not be an option. When I faced problems in my life, the first major one was becoming a teenage mom, I was afraid. I was embarrassed that my family, especially my parents, would know that I did “THAT”, to become pregnant, and that at first was my biggest shame. I tried everything to get rid of the pregnancy, I went to the first clinic and told them I needed an abortion. They scheduled me and as I waited for them to call my name, scared, I silently cried of the mess I thought (back then) I had made out of my life. When they called my name, I ran out of the clinic. I was determined to rid myself of the belly (the pregnancy), and so again I went to another hospital and while I waited, to be called I heard a young lady on the phone crying about the procedure and telling someone she referred to as mom that she was afraid. I left. My mother had found out and had given me five hundred dollars to go to somewhere else and get rid of it, and so I went. I was scanned to know how far along I was, then when that was established I had to wait for them to call me in. I sat there with the money in my pocket, a baby in my belly and scared out of my wits. By now my belly was showing just a small bit, and I felt guilty about what I was about to do. I was alone and I had to make a decision, for the third time here I was trying to do away with a problem I had created. I had a thought, so I went along with the thought. I looked down at my belly and whispered, “Little baby, I know that what I am about to do now is not fair to you, but please forgive me, I am afraid, but if you are to be born, if you have to come into the world, please give me a sign.” Immediately, I felt flutters in my stomach which felt like butterfly wings fluttering around, she moved, my baby moved. I left! I took the money which was to pay for the abortion, found a small restaurant and bought something called “Beef Stroganoff” which I and my baby enjoyed that day. I returned the money to my mother and held my head down as I handed it to her. I lied and told her that they said the abortion could not be done, I was too far gone. My mother sighed, and my hell began. But when my baby was born, and although times were rough, I am proud to tell you that she is the best thing that has ever happened to me, The best present God and Osun has ever given to me, her and her siblings who soon came behind her. What I thought was sorrow turned out to be my biggest Joy. While growing up, I believed nobody loved or cared for me. When this girl was born, I was showered with love by her, I cannot even explain it. She wanted to be with no one but me, when ever I had to go anywhere and leave her with anyone, she would stand at the door and wait until I came back and when I did she made sure to hang on to me for fear of me leaving again, I mist up as I type this, for never have I been loved like this, never. She has not changed, she is still the same, and even so much more to her siblings. When I am in Africa, it is her who runs the household, I have never had any problems with her, never! I thank God for the decision I made that day, though I was faced with what I believed was a problem, I persevered and was given such a blessing, my child.
I went on to have three more children after her and while I will not go into the stories individually, these three were for The Wicked Baby father , the last child and how she arrived is also a story I have to share. I began to hate this wicked man, he had turned me into something I was not, because I was always a loving person, but the treatment was so bad that I cried daily. I wanted a way out but I was afraid to move, I did not know what the world had for me out there. I begged my mother to let me stay with her until I could find a way out but she said no. I asked the evil sister, (read Jealousy) if I could stay with her, she had lived with me for years, but she said no, she didn’t want to get involved, so I ran away, I ran to California. I closed my shop, placed a sign there that I would be gone for three weeks, and left with my children. I had to get away from the situation for my health and well being and for my children caught in the mix. I had a friend there who I along with my children stayed with, when I left the baby father did not know, he had not been home for a week so it was easy for me to leave. While I was there, I made the mistake to call someone, I think it was my mother and he got hold of the number and called me everyday begging me to come back, crying and pleading and begging my friend to send me home. I had only bought one way tickets, and so he bought the return tickets after he had gotten everyone to call and beg me to come back home with a promise to change. I went home and immediately became pregnant, I was a “breeder” as we say in Jamaica, and could get pregnant if someone stared at me too hard. But I did not know that I was pregnant because I saw the “Lady” every month for five months. However, I still had other signs of pregnancy: nausea, sleepiness, dizziness, and all but when ever I took a pregnancy test it was always negative but my belly swelled though not by much. After being tired of the bad feelings I went to the doctor, had a blood test and realized that I was pregnant. OMG! No! For Mr. Wicked? how worthless was I? When he found out, he and his devil mother were angry and upset and he demanded that I get an abortion, but I was five months. I would have gotten the abortion if it were possible, but I was too far gone, and I made up my mind again to forge ahead, alone again. I realized that this baby was to come, so the spirits hid her for five months and fooled me by letting the “Lady” come on time as usual. My baby came and it was her who gave me my freedom. She gave me the bravado to get away from him and his wicked women and his evil family, and like the older girl she gave me so much love and Joy, as young as she is, she is so wise and I am in awe of her in every way. God had blessed me with four people who came in through all kinds of chaos and adversities, I had no easy time to bring forth these people who came to help me and to love me, bonded to me by blood. When faced with them and their arrival, I went through hell. I experienced doubts and fears and I cried and did not see them as a source of joy, I saw only problems and difficulties, but I still pushed forward, and it worked out, it worked out for good for me!
We all are presented at times with situations which we believe we cannot handle or we may not be able to overcome, but overcome we shall. Every problem has a solution, this I learned when I became a part of the Ifa/Orisha tradition. I also have my own saying “what can be seen can be changed”, and I have also heard it said that No condition is permanent. Always remember “This too shall pass”, if and when you are faced with difficulties, always know that This too Shall Pass. St. Augustine said “I cried for boots, until I saw a man with no legs”. Know that whatever you are facing in life someone some where out there is facing something worse. For whatever reason it is a consolation to know that you are not alone. I cannot stress embracing your spirituality enough! Why? Because it makes the journey so much easier, so much easier. You will see life and its short comings with the clarity you will need to understand and therefore overcome them. You will know quickly as something abnormal arrives that this too shall pass, there is always solution. You will pray constantly because you will know that prayer can move mountains and that there is a God who has not forgotten you and as the Yoruba people love to say when faced with problems, “This means that God will now be reminded of me, because of this problem, God will remember me”. Look at problems and difficulties as life’s lessons. When they come at you, even when you panic and cannot help but cry out, which is normal, breathe slowly in and out and know that.. This too shall pass, This too shall pass, This too shall pass! Teach your children this mantra, teach them as they grow. Strengthen their minds for them to know what is to come, you cannot shield them nor fight their battles, you cannot even choose for them, but you can prepare them, as I am preparing you or as you have been prepared, teach them. I cannot stress meditation, it helps you to deal with the “woes” of life the best possible way. God have given us tools, use them.
We should all expect and even welcome some challenges and difficulties in life, knowing that eventually you will get over it. Remember this: A person who is always happy in life will never live long. But a person who encounters challenges should know that while these challenges occur, they must pray that they shall never to see devastation and again, this too shall pass.
This blog does not give me a penny. I make no money from doing this, yet I sit every morning and write these posts, errors and all, putting out all my business out here in cyber world, where it can never be erased. Caring not of the criticisms, abuse, chastisements that I may face. Often times I wonder why, what’s the point? There is nothing for me to gain here. My life is filled with things to do, why must I put myself out here like this? Coupled with the fact that I am always, every single day at odds as to what to write, but I press on. I write and I share in hope that maybe you will enjoy my story and something from my ramblings will connect with you one day. If that happens, then I have done my service to humanity, which I believe will please God, and if God is pleased with me, then that means to me, that my children, the only family I have in this world, my only possession, for I have nothing,… my children will be okay.
Káa tó dé ibi tí a ńlọ, a má ńkọ́kọ́ dé ibi táà ò fẹ́ /
Before getting to one’s destination, one may end up where one would rather not be.,,,Yoruba Proverb!
[Endurance and persistent focus are crucial]
All religions are valid as long as it teaches peace and love…Obara Meji
“And whosoever fears Allah and keeps his duty to Him, He will make a way for him to get out (from every difficulty).And He will provide him from (sources) he never could imagine.”
― Anonymous, The Quran
“Bad times have a scientific value. These are occasions a good learner would not miss.”
― Ralph Waldo Emerson
“A man of character finds a special attractiveness in difficulty, since it is only by coming to grips with difficulty that he can realize his potentialities.”
― Charles de Gaulle
When we long for life without difficulties, remind us that oaks grow strong in contrary winds and diamonds are made under pressure.
The battle of life is, in most cases, fought uphill; and to win it without a struggle were perhaps to win it without honor. If there were no difficulties there would be no success; if there were nothing to struggle for, there would be nothing to be achieved.