June 20, 2014 Obara Meji 82Comment

 

struggle-with-life

Hi everyone, I am so sorry it took so long to finish writing this post. I broke down a couple of times while writing it, remembering bad times I thought I was numb to, but although I am over them (and I am) they are real memories, and I am indeed human.  The crying spells are a given I suppose with topics like this. I have began this journey and I was not born a quitter and even though this post was hard, I managed to finish amid tears, please enjoy…. feel free to cry along with me lol – Obara Meji

Today is a new day and as we rise from our sleep we rise not knowing what lies ahead. What will we encounter today? Today I received a phone call from a woman I have never met but she reads my blog daily. In our conversation she told me about certain disappointments which she has had in her life, and that she was tired of all these things which she faced daily. In one of her dreams she saw something which I interpreted to her as disappointment coming, and while we spoke she lamented about this to me. She wondered why her?

She was tired of disappointments and  problems, tired of difficulties. While she spoke I heard the line from the movie The Color Purple which Oprah made famous as Sophia.. “All my life I had to fight”…. This sentiment is shared by many people, maybe not in those words, nor even in the thoughts or minds, but still evident and present within their psyche. Within their awareness, they know that life is not an easy road, and some people respond to life accordingly. Some become robbers, and fraudsters, prostitutes, kidnappers, and other things, being trained by what they have seen or experienced  in life, and they believe this is how they will have to live in order to survive.

Others learn how to cope and deal with obstacles, disappointments, and difficulties. They realize it to be natural occurrences which comes with life and they know that this too shall pass, once you can come through it without devastation. Then there are the others who cry and lament over what they face or the circumstances in which they were born, and they try to do everything to run away from life’s obstacles. Some even go the route of suicide, or some go crazy, using their minds to shield them from the world and its problems, not knowing that they will have to come and live the same life over again. There is no escaping it!, None. Life is filled with obstacles, disappointments and difficulties from birth to death, there is no escaping it! Should we hug and welcome or embrace it or even the thought of it? The answer is no, but ought we to know that it is a fact of life and be prepared to deal with it as it comes? The answer is Yes. Does everything we experience in life, good or bad teach something? The answer is Yes. So, Obara Meji what you are saying is that we should learn to accept  the bad as well as the good? the answer is No. No? The answer is No! While we expect the bad in life, because it is a must that they come, we should not accept it. When one door closes another one will surely open, but how will you know this to be so if you sit in front of  the closed door and believe that’s it, there’s no other way. Disappointment came and there is no option, no way to right the wrong done, no way to solve the problem, if you think this way then it surely will be that way for you. You cannot accept these difficulties which may come or threaten to come without fight. Once you have Life, there is Hope. How will you know how to defend yourself if you have never had a fight or even seen one?

Now I want to be clear, when faced with problems, accepting responsibility for the actions leading to or creating the problem is important, accepting the problem with no chance of redemption should not be an option. When I faced problems in my life, the first major one was becoming a teenage mom, I was afraid. I was embarrassed that my family, especially my parents, would know that I did “THAT”, to become pregnant, and that at first was my biggest shame. I tried everything to get rid of the pregnancy, I went to the first clinic and told them I needed an abortion. They scheduled me and as I waited for them to call my name, scared, I silently cried of the mess I thought (back then) I had made out of my life. When they called my name, I ran out of the clinic. I was determined to rid myself of the belly (the pregnancy), and so again I went to another hospital and while I waited, to be called I heard a young lady on the phone crying about the procedure and telling someone she referred to as mom that she was afraid. I left. My mother had found out and had given me five hundred dollars to go to somewhere else and get rid of it, and so I went. I was scanned to know how far along I was, then when that was established I had to wait for them to call me in. I sat there with the money in my pocket, a baby in my belly and scared out of my wits. By now my belly was showing just a small bit, and I felt guilty about what I was about to do. I was alone and I had to make a decision, for the third time here I was trying to do away with a problem I had created. I had a thought, so I went along with the thought. I looked down at my belly and whispered, “Little baby, I know that what I am about to do now is not fair to you, but please forgive me, I am afraid, but if you are to be born, if you have to come into the world, please give me a sign.” Immediately, I felt flutters in my stomach which felt like butterfly wings fluttering around, she moved, my baby moved. I left! I took the money which was to pay for the abortion, found a small restaurant and bought something called “Beef Stroganoff” which I and my baby enjoyed that day. I returned the money to my mother and held my head down as I handed it to her. I lied and told her that they said the abortion could not be done, I was too far gone. My mother sighed, and my hell began. But when my baby was born, and although times were rough, I am proud to tell you that she is the best thing that has ever happened to me, The best present God and Osun has ever given to me, her and her siblings who soon came behind her. What I thought was sorrow turned out to be my biggest Joy. While growing up, I believed nobody loved or cared for me. When this girl was born, I was showered with love by her, I cannot even explain it. She wanted to be with no one but me, when ever I had to go anywhere and leave her with anyone, she would stand at the door and wait until I came back and when I did she made sure to hang on to me for fear of me leaving again, I mist up as I type this, for never have I been loved like this, never. She has not changed, she is still the same, and even so much more to her siblings. When I am in Africa, it is her who runs the household, I have never had any problems with her, never! I thank God for the decision I made that day, though I was faced with what I believed was a problem, I persevered and was given such a blessing, my child.

I went on to have three more children after her and while I will not go into the stories individually, these three were for The Wicked Baby father , the last child and how she arrived is also a story I have to share. I began to hate this wicked man, he had turned me into something I was not, because I was always a loving person, but the treatment was so bad that I cried daily. I wanted a way out but I was afraid to move, I did not know what the world had for me out there. I begged my mother to let me stay with her until I could find a way out but she said no. I asked the evil sister, (read Jealousy) if I could stay with her, she had lived with me for years, but she said no, she didn’t want to get involved, so I ran away, I ran to California. I closed my shop, placed a sign there that I would be gone for three weeks, and left with my children. I had to get away from the situation for my health and well being and for my children caught in the mix. I had a friend there who I along with my children stayed with, when I left the baby father did not know, he had not been home for a week so it was easy for me to leave. While I was there, I made the mistake to call someone, I think it was my mother and he got hold of the number and called me everyday begging me to come back, crying and pleading and begging my friend to send me home. I had only bought one way tickets, and so he bought the return tickets after he had gotten everyone to call and beg me to come back home with a promise to change. I went home and immediately became pregnant, I was a “breeder” as we say in Jamaica, and could get  pregnant if someone stared at me too hard. But I did not know that I was pregnant because I saw the “Lady” every month for five months. However, I still had other signs of pregnancy: nausea, sleepiness, dizziness, and all but when ever I took a pregnancy test it was always negative but my belly swelled though not by much. After being tired of the bad feelings I went to the doctor, had a blood test and realized that I was pregnant. OMG! No! For Mr. Wicked? how worthless was I? When he found out, he and his devil mother were angry and upset and he demanded that I get an abortion, but I was five months. I would have gotten the abortion if it were possible, but I was too far gone, and I made up my mind again to forge ahead, alone again. I realized that this baby was to come, so the spirits hid her for five months and fooled me by letting the “Lady” come on time as usual. My baby came and it was her who gave me my freedom. She gave me the bravado to get away from him and his wicked women and his evil family, and like the older girl she gave me so much love and Joy, as young as she is, she is so wise and I am in awe of her in every way. God had blessed me with four people who came in through all kinds of chaos and adversities, I had no easy time to bring forth these people who came to help me and to love me, bonded to me by blood. When faced with them and their arrival, I went through hell. I experienced doubts and fears and I cried and did not see them as a source of joy, I saw only problems and difficulties, but I still pushed forward, and it worked out, it worked out for good for me!

We all are presented at times with situations which we believe we cannot handle or we may not be able to overcome, but overcome we shall. Every problem has a solution, this I learned when I became a part of the Ifa/Orisha tradition. I also have my own saying “what can be seen can be changed”, and I have also heard it said that No condition is permanent. Always remember “This too shall pass”, if  and when you are faced with difficulties, always know that This too Shall Pass. St. Augustine said “I cried for boots, until I saw a man with no legs”. Know that whatever you are facing in life someone some where out there is facing something worse. For whatever reason it is a consolation to know that you are not alone. I cannot stress embracing your spirituality enough! Why? Because it makes the journey so much easier, so much easier. You will see life and its short comings with the clarity you will need to understand and therefore overcome them. You will know quickly as something abnormal arrives that this too shall pass, there is always solution. You will pray constantly because you will know that prayer can move mountains and that there is a God who has not forgotten you and as the Yoruba people love to say when faced with problems, “This means that God will now be reminded of me, because of this problem, God will remember me”. Look at problems and difficulties as life’s lessons. When they come at you, even when you panic and cannot help but cry out, which is normal, breathe slowly in and out and know that.. This too shall pass, This too shall pass, This too shall pass! Teach your children this mantra, teach them as they grow. Strengthen their minds for them to know what is to come, you cannot shield them nor fight their battles, you cannot even choose for them, but you can prepare them, as I am preparing you or as you have been prepared, teach them. I cannot stress meditation, it helps you to deal with the “woes” of life the best possible way. God have given us tools, use them.

We should all expect and even welcome some challenges and difficulties in life, knowing that eventually you will get over it. Remember this: A person who is always happy in life will never live long. But a person who encounters challenges should know that while these challenges occur, they must pray that they shall never to see devastation and again, this too shall pass.

This blog does not give me a penny. I make no money from doing this, yet I sit every morning and write these posts, errors and all, putting out all my business out here in cyber world, where it can never be erased. Caring not of the criticisms, abuse, chastisements that I may face. Often times I wonder why, what’s the point? There is nothing for me to gain here. My life is filled with things to do, why must I put myself out here like this? Coupled with the fact that I am always, every single day at odds as to what to write, but I press on. I write and I share in hope that maybe you will enjoy my story and something from my ramblings will connect with you one day. If that happens, then I have done my service to humanity, which I believe will please God, and if God is pleased with me, then that means to me, that my children, the only family I have in this world, my only possession, for I have nothing,… my children will be okay.

Káa tó dé ibi tí a ńlọ, a má ńkọ́kọ́ dé ibi táà ò fẹ́ / 
Before getting to one’s destination, one may end up where one would rather not be.,,,Yoruba Proverb!

[Endurance and persistent focus are crucial]

All religions are valid as long as it teaches peace and love…Obara Meji

“And whosoever fears Allah and keeps his duty to Him, He will make a way for him to get out (from every difficulty).And He will provide him from (sources) he never could imagine.”
― AnonymousThe Quran

“Bad times have a scientific value. These are occasions a good learner would not miss.”
― Ralph Waldo Emerson

“A man of character finds a special attractiveness in difficulty, since it is only by coming to grips with difficulty that he can realize his potentialities.”
― Charles de Gaulle

“The merit of all things lies in their difficulty.”
― Alexandre DumasThe Three Musketeers

“I warn you, the trip will not be easy. Once you choose to walk in the light, your path will lead you places you do not want to go.”
― Dave WolvertonThe Courtship of Princess Leia

When we long for life without difficulties, remind us that oaks grow strong in contrary winds and diamonds are made under pressure.

Peter Marshall

The battle of life is, in most cases, fought uphill; and to win it without a struggle were perhaps to win it without honor. If there were no difficulties there would be no success; if there were nothing to struggle for, there would be nothing to be achieved.

Samuel Smiles

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82 Comments on "DIFFICULTIES IN LIFE"

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hazyblack2015
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I admire you. Blessings for what u do.

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[…] post relates very well with the recent post which I did titled Difficulties InLife. I have been doing topics based on inspirations recently, not purposely, but this is what comes out […]

Lalibela A Nile (@Lalibela_Nile)
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…Here is the point, individuals like myself become better persons by reading and learning from you. You do gain from that; I hope. You help us to become better human beings and for that we all collectively benefit. That which is given by you cannot be attained by means of money–there is just not enough money.

We are eternally grateful to you for all that which you’ve afford us–much appreciated!

Sa-Fo
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Sa-Fo

Thank You

Obara meji
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Obara meji

Where have you been

Toy
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I had to read this story over again. My gosh, I love the way, you love you your children. The way they love you back is so much more than gold. I love this story!

Obara meji
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Obara meji

They are all I have Toy

Ty
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Big up Lady T…we love you always…

Lady T
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Lady T

And here we go again, I did not even read this post before I commented on the last one which reiterates n directly relates to my comment. Blessed Obara funny that you write about not being paid cause as I was writing the last blog I was thinking May u be ever blessed n rich in life because o boy is all I can say surely u are blessed in Spirit which is the greatest gift n to know your children n generations to come will be blessed n covered because of your charity to humanity and performing gods work. Spiritual people have often told my mom that she should have died many times n it is the love (whatever love this is) that keeps her alive n it is my philosophy that I live by that LOVE CONQUERS ALL. Thank you so much for sharing that personal story and all your personal stories with us here without shame and disdain as I believe nothing is a secret anyway as god sees n knows all things and what is done in darkness shall come to light and although there are things we may not be proud of they are part of us and make us who we are n so in the spirit of love one just has to go forth with an attitude of loving one self unconditionally with the good the bad and the ugly and know seh a ONLY god u hafifi answa to ( hypothetically speaking)so I salute u for being that example in my life that no matter what let love live. Ur story touched me n blew me away bc after having a child myself I relate to the fact that our children are our saviours and change our lives in such positive ways that our limitations could not allow us to imagine. They take us places spiritually that ideally speaking perhaps we couldn’t get there without theses elders that have returned to the cycle of life. When I first met you one of your first comments to me was every problem was a solution which is ever encouraging to me to this day filing me with the spirit of hope and assuredness . Truly your a physical living spirit that affects my life daily cause ur words stay in my mind front n centre like a power tool drilling through the concrete nuttin too big nuttin too hard. Hear mi nah mi lickle bit but mi tallawah n my spirit big. Everything is side me is grateful to wat u do here on this blog ur time ur effort ur energy ur love ur guidance ur consistency ur inspiration, ur wisdom n knowledge, ur patience, ur experiences. Plain n simple YOU!!!!! Thank you soooo much Obara bc words cannot describe the grounding n confidence in self that you have given me from the time I first entered this site. I was compelled to call u mama from the first time a spoke to you becaus that is the very essence you carry like a Jamaican grandma who u never forget how much they loved you and took care of you and you always feel them around you all when dem dead an gone so rightfully so you a mi mama yes. Yes indeed. The quote muahhh… Love it hits home for me. When I first tried to contact u and wasn’t hearing from you I was deeply saddened and disappointed but the spirits have brought you back n appointed a special place for a special person in my life. Ok I’m tired now looking forward to a new day a new post new experiences new growth. You always say your sexy but if I may boldly state ur spirit that you exhibit on here indeed is very sexy so I can jus imagine the physical. Stay sweet ur blessings done layout already blessed up ur children n ur future generations!!!!!!!!!

Cami
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Cami

IN

Ty
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Ty and yw in

Toy
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IN

Toy
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Hi,everyone been busy all day. I am going to go back and finish reading.

Maniac
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Maniac

Wow Shawnyrob!!!
I just love how you break it down. Easy to understand. I look forward to reading your comments –

Hello everyone! I am back, trying to play catch up

Trojan
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Trojan

Ok thanks Nunu

NuNu
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NuNu

Ur welcome T

shawnyrob1
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Obara ,thank you for sharing some of the intimate details of your journey and being so candid in doing so. The account of events that you shared should serve as source of strength,courage and intestinal fortitude for all eyes that are privy to behold this blog.Difficulties in life are unfortunately a necessary evil,I agree that we should not embrace them,but I also believe that out of struggle comes strength and progress. In reading your story several themes emerged, one of them being the conflict of opposites which teaches us that if we do not encounter difficulties and hard times we will not be able to appreciate the pleasant and sweet times in life. Difficulties in life can serve as teachable moments that challenge us to look inside of ourselves, and to explore external sources to find solutions to our problems or what we perceive to be problems. These challenging times, or periods of time in our lives, compel us to be resourceful and creative at times ,and they force us to take a stance at other times by presenting us with what might seem to be no way out.
The aforementioned leads me to another point relevant to our lives, and how we choose to live our lives in times of adversity. In life it is never a matter of “if” we are going to encounter difficulties, problems, or issues, it is the inevitability of “when” we will run into these roadblocks, and “how” we will handle them. Will we improvise ,adapt, and overcome , or will surrender,quit and succumb? Keep in mind people that we always have choices, and we learn from both the good and not so good choices we make. Obara`s story clearly illustrates how the decisions we make or do not make effect the ending of our stories.
Difficulties in our lives are the building blocks for life experiences, conflict resolution and decision making.We must understand that nothing lasts forever even though it may seem like an eternity when we are going through tough times.The key to overcoming difficulty is to be proactive,take the bull by the horns. We all know that life happens and life is going to happen. Does your life control you? or Do you control your life? Without experiencing bitter ,how can we identify sweet/? Things that make you go hmmm or mmmmm..you choose!

Lady T
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Lady T

We’ll said and nicely poetic as well. wise way to relate to life.

Pixie
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Pixie

“Does your life control you? or Do you control your life? Without experiencing bitter ,how can we identify sweet?” Very well said. Though most times a lot of this is easier said than done. It takes a lot of perseverance to stay strong during difficult times and believe that this obstacle is very much necessary to our growth.

NuNu
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NuNu

Thank you professor Shawny, that was a great assessment if the post

Trojan
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Trojan

Thanks Nuns.
Talk to nobody for the night Nuns? and what if I do? what will happen?

NuNu
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NuNu

Trojan,Obara seh tell who yuh must tell goodnight before yuh make the tea and nuh answer ur phone after either. Make it when you’re ready to guh sleep

NuNu
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NuNu

Mi guess it nah go work. Don’t taste the tea yuh hear. Mek sure it’s not a tea that use milk. Just tea bag and sugar

Trojan
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Trojan

Yes teacher, but what exactly is it?

NuNu
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NuNu

Trojan wi mek a cup a tea before bed, after making the tea nuh talk nobody, place the tea by yuh bedside on your night table or whatever, and you’ll have a dream/ spiritual experience

NuNu
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NuNu

C in as well

AMH
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Once again you hit spot on. Thank you so much for all your teaching you are a gift to us.

Trojan
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Trojan

What is the traveling family?

kiabubblez
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kiabubblez

Kia IN

Donna
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Donna

Donna in

NuNu
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NuNu

Nunu and mummy in

NuNu
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NuNu

Thank the Lord we made it to the end of another fasting day!

kiabubblez
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kiabubblez

I can relate to the prego n wating the abortion. It just did not would not work out. Mi affi bring my child n today i am blessed to have him. Inspite of growing pains him a give me now. Im actually happy i couldnt terminate the pregnancy. When i felt the butterfly flutters n learned i was having a boy baby. Mi bawl living eye water. Lol

This too shall pass a mi life motto…from mi av life me arite. Things will knock me down but mi affi keep back up. Thx to my ori, orishas, guides. This last year has been very hard pon me lawd gawd mi feel smh lower dan low. Den mi reflect pon pass problem how i survive n keep calling on Jah. Asking for strength cah i did weak n slowly slowly im gaining back strength n picking myself back up. JAH thx Obara n all ES family u are all helping me.

Cami
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Cami

Obara Meji, Obara…ooo. Why yu ask questions on why you write? You write to satisfy those thirsty for companionship on the roads that you’ve traveled or have knowledge about. Gwan write and tell you stories because they land somewhere in regards to the individual reader(s).

So, you get 2 “bookends”…both girls. The big one placed you on the road of survival and the little one marked your path off the rough roads. Hugs.

Hey fellow bloggers, 27 minutes to my double cook, sauced up wings and sweet potato fries and plain, black coffee…lol.

NuNu
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NuNu

Beg yuh some a dat Cam

Cami
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Cami

lol…nearly went over board. It was good…one day we shall break bread together.

MTH
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Yes Teach, ‘pap story gi mi cause yu know mi a nuh lie-had.

Bloggers and peepers, remember to tell Obara if you are travelling tonight as she has to do her thing…Yes, mi naad badda a guh road wid mi 2 year old so I will come blog later…

Trojan
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Trojan

Where are the others? MTH, Yazzy, Cami etc
Guess they are all watching the soccer game huh

Cami
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Cami

I’m right here Trojan. Good evening.

Trojan
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Trojan

Hey Ty, Nunu, Obara
Didn’t comment for a few days but I am back and reading and learning as usual

MTH
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Teach, this was an exactly written piece. It brought up memories of my life that I had somehow buried. I comfortmyself with this saying ‘tough times do not last, only tough people do’. I am a firm believer that prayer cahnges thing. Sometimes, the human element within me wants to give up.

Teach, I know it is all good and well to have happy thoughts and look at some simillar hardships that other ppl have endured. However, sometimes when you are going through a difficult time and you can not see your way out, it is really hard to pull strength from anything. Do I use my last money and go back to school when the children need food, shoes, books etc.

Ty
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Hey Obara…me shame fi seh but when a read the blog today, I wanted to give di dutty baby father a piece a beaten…God forgive me…

Pixie
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Pixie

Beautiful! I love this. So very inspiring. Your writing always manages to elicit such a rollercoaster of emotions in me. I cry with you and I smile with you. It is very easy for us to accept life’s difficulties as “the end” as if there is no way out of the hole we’ve found ourself buried in. We are easily pessimistic than we are optimistic. My Sociology professor would speak of things like this and he said: “People tend to look for permanent solutions to a temporary problem.” Which is the truth as you spoke of suicidal people and such. Difficulties can be so damaging but reading this inspires such hope in me. It is a very difficult thing to accomplish, believing that obstacles won’t last forever and that through them must come a brighter day and lesson that we’ll eventually be thankful for. I could just applaud you for these words! 🙂

NuNu
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NuNu

Howdy Trojan and Day dream

Trojan
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Trojan

Hello everyone

Ty
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Wat a gwaan Trojan…

Welcome dream…

day "dream" alston
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Thank You, Thank You, Thank You… for sharing your hardships and trauma.Like yours, my road has been filled with difficulties. My only solace is the strength I’ve developed as a result. You give me the courage to share my own trauma in hopes that it will encourage another. May God always remember and bless you 🙂

NuNu
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NuNu

Thanks Obara, reading this makes me feel so bad for complaining and whining about my difficulties. Sometimes when I see or read others life struggles I wonder with amazement ” how is it possible one survived this?” Mi salute yuh yah ma’am cause I couldn’t even imagine…

Obara meji
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Obara meji

Ase!!!!!!!

Obara meji
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Obara meji

Thank you Nunu well said! Trojan Mek hot tea and put ah de side ah yuh bed but you cannot speak to anyone before you sleep not even Khem! You will have a great spiritual experience if you follow the directions well

Ty
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Such a beautiful story…she was meant to be here and meant to do great things…I am not sure if I could have had your strength as a teenager…your story is inspiring…

I feel that when you are going through tough times it is hard to keep a level head…on reflection it is an easier feat…

I must say that meditation centers me and that this post is a reminder to keep at it…

Obara, we love and treasure you…you have done so much for us without thought of self preserverance…thank you…

May God and Osun continue to bless you and your family…

NuNu
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NuNu

Nuh true Ty

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