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Love is an emotion that is often fooling and blinding. We all seek to feel love within our hearts and spirit, but honestly, love is a state of being. When you are in the presence of love, you feel it. In other words, it is energy… an unmistakable energy. We all (most of us) hope to find that one true person, but love without compatibility does not a good relationship make, and there are so many signs that allow us to know if we are actually in a good match or if we are simply being disillusioned. What you must know is that all human relationships are first bounded by spiritual connection. Whether it is romantic, friendship, etc. It must first be a spiritual connection. There is a particular force field that surrounds every human being when it comes to certain areas of their life, and today I am going to deal with the relationship aspect. How do you find the person you ought to be with? First, finding the “right” one begins with you and your Mental Universe: How you think, your perception of life, and your innate desire. Let me give you an example:

Cindy Lauper sang a song called Girls Just Want to Have Fun and often times some women or men may not have it in mind to find their official partner, but to first date around or have as many sexual encounters as they can. While doing this, they may indeed have fun but then there will come a time when they will wonder why they have not found the “right one”. But what they have not realized is that they have never placed within their Mental Universe the idea of finding that person. This is why the “right one” has not yet appeared, because the mind has not focused on that kind of relationship. In other words:

We all have the ability to call forth the right person who ought to be apart of our life in an impactful way, but you must be mentally and spiritually ready for that person.

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Now what is spiritual compatibility? Spiritual compatibility is finding your true match and being together forever, but only if both persons are mentally and spiritually supportive of the other’s mission in life. It is important to know that at times, one partner’s mission may be more important than the other.

So the one who may just be a supporting actor in the other’s play must be confident enough to understand and accept the light that shines on his/her partner. Often times, there is a spiritual battle between two people in a relationship which will manifest as physical incompatibility, but in actuality it is not. It is one person that spiritually feels less than his/her partner, and this will manifest as jealousy issues, over possessiveness, insecurity, low self-esteem, quarrels etc.

But this isn’t what is really happening. What is happening spiritually is two spirits are at odds, one star is brighter than the other. For a relationship to work, your stars must be aligned, not only Astrological stars, but spiritual stars. Again, it is possible to find the one you have chosen to be with on Earth, even if that person is in Japan and you in St. Vincent, but at times it can be like searching for a needle in a haystack if you are not mentally charged towards finding the one.

Here’s another example:

Sophia has always dreamed of having a husband and children. She was lucky to have met Robert. They married and all is well. Robert takes care of his family, while Sophia is a stay-at-home mom. She busies herself in her community and is well loved because of it. But Robert now feels his wife is too social. She doesn’t have time for him. Too many people call the house and are always in the sitting room, when he would rather be alone with her. However, Robert does not realize that Sophia’s mission on Earth is to spread love, joy, and unity where ever she goes and although he is her husband, he is only here to support her – that is his mission. So here, two lights that were once bright, is now dim as Robert has failed to understand the true benevolence of his wife and huge impact her personality will have on others.

With this example, these two are perhaps very compatible, but as human beings do have free will and have the ability to think for him or herself, it is up to one or the other to realize that each of them regardless of being together, have their own journey to fulfill.

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Now, there are those whose Stars match regardless of the other’s feeling. This means that the moment they come together, both partners lives progress. Even if the guy was on top of the world, he still climbs higher, and the same for the woman. This is a spiritual compatibility – when both partners progress because of their union. When two individual stars, or light, comes together, that light should become brighter. When you enter a new relationship, if you nor your partner has moved forward, or worse if since the relationship you have moved backwards – it is a sign of spiritual incompatibility. Spiritual compatibility bring happiness, success, security, etc. Others that come around you will feel the love that emanates from both of you. Both people will be happy together regardless of what they have, they are just satisfied with each other in every possible way. However, there is another indication of Spiritual Incompatibility: If both persons enter the relationship and one of them was doing very well in life, but since the relationship, losses begin to occur (e.g. job loss, health decline, bad news, social awkwardness, family problems, deaths, anything negative) especially in the area of prosperity, if one person begins to lose while the other begins to gain, what is happening here is that, spiritually, one person is sucking the glory of the other one. This is, of course, unbeknownst to them. If either persons notices that one of them is flourishing while the other is stagnant, then this relationship should not go froward without checking spiritually. Most often, it is the stars that do not agree. Every person on this Earth was born with a certain amount of light. Some people have blinding bright lights, others have dim lights, and this depends on how great or impactful your mission on Earth is. Some people have particularly dominant stars, so imagine a car coming down the road with extremely blinding headlights that reach far and wide – imagine this quality in a single person.

Signs of Spiritual Compatibility

  • Upon meeting each other, life takes a turn for the better. If one or the other didn’t have a job before, a job or several offers springs up. If one or the other had any health issues, but now it begins to improve, then he/she has found his soulmate or Earthly counterpart.
  • Nothing matters to either of you other than each other’s well-being and happiness.
  • Life flourishes because of the amount of light the union has created
  • Compatibility can become so extreme that persons merge into the same career path (this is because the two stars have now become one, so they will now share things in common as both journeys have merged and now become extremely impactful).
  • Both persons should have a deep feeling of loyalty to each other

Note: Some people will find their spiritual counterparts even if they have already had their children or married several times before. They will find their counterparts in the evening of their lives. But remember – it has to do with your Mental Universe and how you have set it first.

  • Both persons have no problem of showing deep love and emotion to the other, becoming extremely loving and caring (even if it is against your personality).
  • There is also always a ‘togetherness’ with you two. You do most, if not everything, together.
  • With Spiritual Compatibility, you will find yourselves finishing your sentences
  • You will have telepathic communications without realizing it (either he/she appears or calls just when you were thinking of them)
  • Both will be joined by the gut. If something happens to one of you, the other will feel it no matter where he/she is.
  • Whatever one prays for, the other will manifest it.
  • When one leaves the Earth, the other will not take long to follow…

Signs of Spiritual Incompatibility

  • Strong feeling of love for each other, but just can not get along
  • Odd arguments for odd reasons, not realizing why
  • One irritating the other’s spirit or vice versa
  • One begins to lose things, have ill luck, become accident prone, have problems with court or police or anything oddly negative that happens upon entering the relationship
  • Being together for a while but unable to have children

Note: This last one actually has a lot of variables such as Egbe, witchcraft, generational curses, etc. so spiritual consultation is needed upon this last one to know the real problem.

  • Both person’s health begins to decline
  • One or both having the urge to cheat or be deceptive
  • No strong feeling of commitment, regardless of marriage

It is not hard to find your counterpart or soulmate in this life, but it does take a little mental discipline. There are some of us here on this planet that are actually meant to assist every human being we meet, lover or friend. However, when we do get involved with someone, automatically because of our light, that person will begin to rise. In this relationship, that person now becomes our helper and will continue in the relationship only if he/she is confident and true. So in everything, try your best to display a good character. It matters in areas of your life that you wouldn’t believe. Obara Meji

Ọgbọ́n ọlọ́gbọ́n ni kì í jẹ́ kí a pe àgbà ní wèrè. /  By wisely adopting the wisdom of others, an elder does not get seen as stupid. – Yoruba Proverb


Obara Meji

Obara Meji is a spiritualist, Ifa-Orisa practitioner, and teacher of metaphysics. Since 2011 she has used her online platform to share her personal experiences to those seeking answers about spirituality. Her teachings will expand into short stories, novels, and public speaking to continue her mission of bringing enlightenment to the world.

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Meaning if I find out theres an issue of spiritual incompatibility, I need to let go of the relationship right?


As I awaken and continue my spiritual journey, being in a spiritual compatible relationship is very important to me. I just ended my last relationship and realized that things were failing and thus we weren’t meant to be together. Everything that I thought of you pointed out here. Thank you very much


I have asked a lot of questions about relationships,like how do I know she is my perfect partner?what are the signs I should look out for? etc…..Asking such related question means one is evolving. According to Obara meji is a fact, we all have our polar opposite. For example before two magnets can become attached together they have to maintain close contact. Wishing and hoping is just not enough. One really has to get to work. Some are lucky to date just a few to find their soul mate,others that aren’t so lucky will have to date a 1000.

Karma also plays a role,let’s take for example what a person feels as ideal mate when they are 18 years may not be ideal when they become 30s or 40s.The hardship,stress and constant disappointment may be accumulated debts we have to pay to become the ideal soul we have to be. These experiences makes us to realise that our perfect partner have always been so close,yet so far,that we ignore them.

Failing to create room for more experiences will only delay our progress in meeting the ideal partner (“But do not delay your life by waiting for him, push forward and let your life flow without trying too hard to control it”-obara meji reply to Cynthia jay)

Always remember that it is not the destination that matters but the experiences along the journey.

Is there any book with this title?…NOW I FOUND MY SOUL MATE WHAT NEXT

Cynthia Jay
Cynthia Jay

This is very enlightening. Many thanks Ivory

Cynthia Jay
Cynthia Jay

Thank you Madam Obara for this post. This is the exact post I needed at this time of my journey. I have been a silent reader/ fan of this blog for a while now and I check every few days for updates so when I stumble across one I’m always excited to see what it’s contents will hold. But this one here I have been patiently waiting for.

I’m very aware of incompatible relationships and energy vampires. My last substantial relationship which ended five years ago was with a very incompatible energy vampire. I have remained single mostly since that time and grown from strength to strength on my journey. However, five years, to me, has been a while to be single and I’m at the point in my life where my closest friends are all getting married and settling down so I can’t help but wonder, ‘what about me? !’ , ‘where is mine?’. I feel that for the most part I have gotten my head space and mind right. I am still learning but aren’t we all? I mean you can never really get this work done. So sometimes I wonder what level I have to be on to manifest my partner in my life.

About 3 years ago, I met a man I KNEW I was compatible with. I was on this spiritual journey and I was certain it was him. The universe gave me signs from every corner and I was sure. Whenever I was around this person my being was lit on fire, and not in an infatuation or erotic way but in a sort of expansive light way. Like I knew and I knew he knew and we knew each other. It was a light show. And I kept hearing from the universe that i ‘wait’. I have been waiting but things do not seem to be progressing at all. We don’t even speak at the moment.

So that leaves me a little confused. Was he my compatible partner or did my subconscious yearning to find a partner play tricks on me. I’m still single and still waiting for that one impactful relationship. Madam Obara I would really love to hear your thoughts. And any one on this blog that may have any thoughts also. Things are going well in my life otherwise but I can’t help but wonder about this aspect of my life. Do we all have people that walk this earth at this time that we are compatible with and are also waiting for us? Or are some of us meant to be on this journey alone? Was i delusional with the guy from 3 years ago or could we still be waiting for each other to grow some more? Thank you for reading.


Dear Obara,
What will be the solution if someone found himself or herself with the incompatible partner based on the examples above? Again, for married person ? What’s the way out to remedy this.


Teach what you mean by “our mental universe and how we have set it?” Reflecting on this post; who I truly desired and wanted was not compatible with me. I was stagnant and we got together he started to excel in some areas in his life then one day he changed. The more he excelled, was the more i experienced losses. I ended up bruised and battered mentally and spiritually. One day I got the strength to let him know I was leaving and I couldn’t allow him to drain me anymore of my energy. After a year I reached out to him, he was super happy to hear from me. We talked and things seemed good, I ended climbing and he started to tumble down but I offered support to him during his failures. Now I’ve experience stagnation with huge obstacles rising in my way. A month ago someone told my mom that I need to meet new people and open up to them allowing them to get to know me. I should distance myself from my past and allow distance and time. 2 weeks after this was told to me, he vanished, there is no way of communicating with each other and by the way he’s now soaring high. 4 mths ago I asked him ” what role do you see me playing in your future?” He replied “I deeply have feelings for you. I would want you to be in my life but I don’t know what will happen in the future. I do know though thati want you yo be in it.”

Look at what has happened now. I recently met someone and I found it strange where out of the blue he said to me “Just remember that true love is much more to life than just words.. Keep that in mind and thats all i have to say now.” Later that day we got into a quarrel and havemt spoken since.


Thanks for the post Obara. I have 1 question though: Is this only in terms of a monogamous relationship or can this also be the case for polygamous relationships?

It may seem a rather foolish question to some but we are bombarded by stories and the media always depicting that we only have one true love out there and yet so many have never come across this? Maybe it is because the true love comes in the form of several partners at once? Maybe a person’s light is so blinding that it would require not one but several partners at once to be compatible with such an individual?


I agree about spiritual incompatibility. I was involved with someone for two years, and nothing but negative things were happening in my life. I almost lost good friends, I gained weight, people said my attitude changed (not in a good way), tension with family. I felt this person benefitted off of me… it was and these benefits weren’t shared both ways. The final result was lack of financial freedom. This person drained me financially. Truth be told, lessened learned. Yes, we need to be sure that who we are connecting with (romantic or platonic) that there’s a spiritual connection.


Thus was a great one to enlightenot me and many others. ..but I have a question. .if the one light is much brighyet than man, can take some of light (energy )and why?


I think what Lucinda is trying to ask is if it can be that one person in a relationship can take away the light/energy of another and why.

In the post Obara mentioned one partner can inadvertently suck the glory from another. So I would say that that will be applicable to one’s spiritual energy/light. Have you ever heard of spiritual vampires? These are individuals who feed off the energy of others with some being aware of this and others being unaware.

I would say every human being is a spiritual vampire one way or another. Ever feel good when others are happy? Well you are feeding off that positive energy. Ever feel hopeless and then someone or something comes that suddenly fills you with inspiration and energy? You are feeding on that energy. Are you narcissistic? Then you are feeding on the energy of those that show you attention. Are you a sadist? Then it means that you are feeding off the pain and suffering of others.

With that said, I do not believe that a partner can take away your light, however, they can feed off it as well as change the nature of that light but not take away the light itself.


Ooooooooooh. Thanks for that clarification Obara.

But just to make sure my thoughts are correct what you are saying in one instance there are those that feed off your light regardless of what however in the case of say lightworkers they voluntarily share their light with others.

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