FINDING YOUR STRENGTH

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This post relates very well with the recent post which I did titled Difficulties InLife. I have been doing topics based on inspirations recently, not purposely, but this is what comes out when I sit down to write. Perhaps I have been bitten by an inspiration bug, if such a bug exists, I have no idea, but I have learned not to fight life so I do not. I wrote about a man here in this post and I promised my self not to write about him, but as I write, it seems as if I leave and another takes my place, one who do not give a damn about what goes out into cyber world.

One who has no care of what anyone thinks, one who is sure and confident and hold the reins of my life in her hands as she walks with me along life’s way, assuring me that all will be alright, I will be alright. I like her. I itch to remove him from the post, remove what has been written about him here, but I find I cannot, and so you are again introduced to apart of my life which I really wish not to deal with, openly. What the hell is wrong with me? This is a serious question not a joke, but let me relax and trust, I must trust.

Happy reading!

Finding your strength at times in life can be very challenging. Life it self is a challenge, it matters not where in the world you live your struggles economically, emotionally and otherwise can be exhaustive. Not everyone was born in this world to  be rich and even the rich have their problems which at times maybe greater than the poor mans own.  Bottom line is we all struggle at some point in our lives and have to pull forth all that we have within us to manage, deal with or cope. Life challenges us into finding our strengths. It is astonishing to me that in recent times the amount of suicides I have heard about through the media. I was saddened by the amount of young people, teenagers who committed suicide in Jamaica in recent years. Suicide is never the way, because as I have stated before in other posts, when a person does this they will have to come back to live that very same life all over again, maybe without a voice, if the means in which they left was by hanging, or perhaps with born with some kind of deformity, depending in how they checked out of life.

There are so many things to face as we travel along life’s ways, and it depends on the strength of your character in how you will deal with it and cope or manage. To smile in the face of adversity is a very hard thing to do, and many people who seem to have physical strengths lacks emotional strength sometimes. Everyday someone, somewhere comes up against something in their life which either breaks them, makes them cry, challenges them, give them grief, pain,  sorrow, heart ache or they believe that there is no way out. Read my post Hope. A terminal diagnosis for anyone seems like doom for that person and their family, someone loosing their job even if it is them alone, no wife/husband or children, it is still  terrifying a thought not to be able to fend for yourself, as well as the person who has a family to care for, a person threatened with the prospect of losing a limb, someone who wants to leave a toxic relationship, a person faced with eviction, someone who has lost their parents or a family member and many other things. How do you find the strength to deal with atrocities?. How do you move on and begin again? When life throws you that curve ball, what do you do, how do you handle it?

My dad told me that as a young boy his mother gave him away, twice.This was common practice in Jamaica in the age of our parents. I am not sure if it is as common nowadays in Jamaica, but I am sure these practices still occur all over the world.  She had eleven children with no means to support them all. On both occasions he was taken to Kingston, the first time to his Aunt. My father told us that the treatment was that of a slave and his master, he was only 12 years old at the time and when he arrived her children stopped doing chores, all was given to him. One day she sent him to the shop and bad luck met him on the way and decided to spoil the day for him, he lost the money. Worried as would anyone, he went home and told the aunty, who said nothing to him. He wondered why and was soon to find out in the most disturbing way that evening. The woman prepared the evenings meal and called everyone to the table including my father, who was the most hungry since he had not eaten since the evening last. The meals were shared out for everyone and my father received his as well. It is also common practice in Jamaica for all to say Grace (pray), before eating and so they all clasped their hands and closed their eyes and said their grace, after they were done they picked up their forks to eat, my father had a rude awakening, just as he picked his fork up, the aunt stretched across, plucked the plate from before him and gave it to the dog, they all laughed. The next day my father ran away and found his way back home, to his mother. He was given away again and met the same treatment and did the same thing. My father said the second time he went home, his mother hugged him and cried while he cried and she promised him that she would never give him away again, no matter what, he said she told him if there was one banana to share, it would have to do. They survived! As a boy, he missed his family,missed  his mother, but he made up his mind amid mal treatment and left. It was do or die and he did. The mother, although she suffered and did what she did believing that it was for the best, the child would be provided for, after a second time of him coming back home and telling of the things he went through, she made up her mind to face the world with her children regardless of the challenges and so she did.

We are all stronger than what we think. It is often times fear which holds us back from finding our strength. When faced with problems, we, most of us, becomes worried at first about all the things we think will happen because of the problems we face. Fear grips us and hold us and torment us into thinking often times that this is it, there is no way out! No solution, and eventually when we are able to calm down and breathe and think , it is until  then that we realize that our minds, through fear, have blown things up more than it really is. There were times in my life when I did not know what to do. When faced with problems I became numb. For the most part I had no support system in terms of friends and family, so I had to recover on my own, trusting God and my ancestors who are always with me. After the children’s  father, I eventually got with someone else. I waited long before I began another relationship, so afraid to try again. Something about ganja man and me, ah doe know but I may have to see a therapist about this, (no therapist, just joking lol). Any way, this one seemed sincere and good, and he was for the most part, but after a while I realized that he was crazy, at least that is what I thought.

I will not go into his story too deep, as it still hurts, not because I miss him or I love him but because it took me so long to get out, to run, bail, cut, skip, skedaddle, do a Usain Bolt or a Shelly-Ann Fraser sprint. I stayed and put up with his strange mood swings, because he was man number three and I thought that was too much. I grew up seeing my mother and father together and I wanted that life, with just one man, but that was not to be. When I realized that this was number three, I felt bad, because in my mind that was two men too many. So I stayed with Mr, High Grade and prayed for him to change. I had prayed to God before I met him that the next man I met would not be a cheat, he would come home every night, he would love my children and me as well and we would love him too. I forgot to tell God to make sure that he was sane, not a functioning mad man under the guise of a Ganja smoking bad man, ( I am laughing at my self as I type, what a life, lol), but seriously I took his behavior which made me and the children so uncomfortable because I had hoped that he would one day change and calm down. I supported the household, I supported him. I had no problem with that, (I have always been independent, having a man home with me changed nothing), because he seemed to want to go out in the street and hustle and I did not want that. I did not want to be caught up in the world of hustling and what came with it, as it were with the children’s father and also I was Obara Meji, someone who helped people daily spiritually with their problems, I was well known and respected.

What would I look like to see my man on Cops? With “Bad boys, bad boys what you gonna do, what you gonna do when they come for you”, singing in the back ground? So I stayed and gave myself all sort of excuses, he is not a cheat I told myself, he comes home every night, he loves me, he is a little bi-polar but the weed helps to calm him down, if I leave him where will he go, I would ask myself and I held on to what had died within months of him coming to America, I did not love him, I just settled. I brought him here, to this country, I felt responsible for him. The time came about a couple years ago when I made up my mind to say no more. It was a battle to end the relationship, he realized he had it good and the behavior which he believed he used to possibly manipulate the relationship he soon realized that it never worked on me. All of a sudden he was willing to change and try to calm his moods and respect my Orishas (which he kicked when he got angry, Ogun at that) and my ancestors and my shrines which he met upon coming here, he begged to stay and promised to become the better person. While he tried everything to stay I had to stand firm on my decision to break the relationship. I had to find that strength. There were times when I felt sorry for him, and I wanted to say stay, but I had to hold it. When He left he went to a family member’s home, he would call me and tell me that he was not doing too good outta road. I would meet him behind my children’s back and give him money and food, he liked my cooking and I still bought him clothes and shoes and pay his phone bill, Although I got rid of him, my heart was still soft for him, not love, no not love. I worried how he would manage and how he would survive without me holding his hands. Wha wrong wid me and man doe eeh God? I had stop loving him long ago, and I knew it, I believe he knew it too, although my actions never showed it. He had killed that love or perhaps I never loved him at all, I wonder at times, probably the ganja fascination, something bout Jamaican men I tell you!. My compassionate nature makes me mother everyone, even my mother, when she lets me in close. I had to cut him off and out of my life if I were to get on with it. So I mustered the strength and it was not easy but I did it.

We are not weak people. We all have a certain strengths within our core being. We need to take the time to find it, when faced with life’s decisions and faced with adversity. We need to stare fear in its face and tell it to hold a proper F*&k off! When faced with dilemmas look for your strength within, it is there. Your knees never wear out, pray, fast, ask God for guidance, find someone to talk to, if you can, seek therapy, find your Priest or Imam, call upon your inner spirit, look to the hills from whence cometh your help, fall on Hope, because once there is life there is hope. Pray for the courage to face the problem, remove pride as in hubris, get rid of shame, all these are fooling emotions, they hold you back from your truest potential, they back you into a corner, and nail you to the proverbial cross, like fear they imprison you, if you let them . If you worked in corporate and you are sacked or laid off and you may now have to sell on the roadside to feed your family, do not fear, do it. It would be better to do so than to steal, where your life or freedom will be jeopardized. Be willing to pull up the boot strings and trod forward, facing life head on and believing. Finding your strength during difficult times will come, we go into survival mode when challenged and we, most of  us over come. I cannot stress meditation enough, because it within these quiet times and peaceful moments  that you are able to build the muscles of your mind, gain the amour of strength, become in touch with you, through this simple exercise you will gain a lot. It is possible to heal yourself through meditation, sending light throughout the body and heal. Believe you can and you will!

Ẹní bá mọ inú rò, á mọ ọpẹ́ ẹ́ dá. / 
Whoever can reason well, will know how to remain ever grateful….Yoruba Proverbs! 

[Maintain a heart and an attitude of gratitude.]

 

All religion are valid as long as it teaches peace and love…Obara Meji!

 

 

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kiabubblez
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kiabubblez

Boy mi fi tell u bout finding ur strength ina haad time. Sometime i have to be sooo strong til when i feel weak it really crushes me. I have to cry wipe my eyes n call my inner strength because i cant afford to stop being strong. Cause any given moment the world will roll over yu. Smh

kiabubblez
Blogger
kiabubblez

Evening ES family. Life challenges us into finding our strengths.… If that statement aint true! life is full of challenges some are harder to overcome than others but challenges none the less. Some time u have to wonder how many more challenges can u withstand, then u look down n u still standing on ur own two feet. When u could have sworn that last challenge knocked u out cold cold. Like a Mike Tyson punch. Lol However many challenges come ur way always remember that God is always for u n to learn a lesson in each challenge so… Read more »

Toy
Member

Meditation has done wonders in my life. Obara when you say everyone was not meant to be rich. I love that line and incorporate in my life every day. Everyone life is different.

KB
Blogger
KB

😀 just re-reading this post. lol

搜索引擎優化
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Hey there just wanted to give you a quick heads up.
The wordfs in your post seem to be running off the screen in Firefox.
I’m not sure if this is a formatting issue oor something to do with
web browsaer compatibility but I thought I’d post to let youu know.
The design look grerat though! Hope you gget the problem
fixed soon. Thanks

online guitar lessons
Blogger

Thanks for sharing such a good idea, piece of writing is nice, thats why
i have read it fully

Tw/Yw
Blogger
Tw/Yw

MTH, big up. Gratitude for the blessings.

MTH
Blogger
MTH

Greetings. YW big up yuself. Teach, just as how you bring answer and clarity to ppl so YW has just done. Blessings to you YW!!!

Tw/Yw
Blogger
Tw/Yw

OBARA!!! OBARA MEJI!!! See it deh: Yu have ah cheerleader. In fact, you have many just on this site. We face hatred, envy, and a host of other negativity daily. Hate fi wi colour, fi wi beliefs, fi wi principles, and fi wi love. Keep “watching nutten, and keep just guh choo”. All who nuh like it, tell dem fi chat to yu back, chat to yuh … Note: dem haffi behind yu fi si yu back.

Obara meji
Blogger
Obara meji

Yw, mi deh yah space out, caws just like dat yuh solve a problem, whey ah plague me and ah badda mi mind I knew there was a lesson but what it was I could not figure out! My daughter has been bothering me to write a post on the difficulties in letting go, now I have con write it! Thank you Yw, God bless you

Tw/Yw
Blogger
Tw/Yw

Greetings Obara Meji and the ES crew!! Bwoy teach, I have to say, in my opinion, that yu did love G-Man but as a human being not in a romantic way. Absolutely nothing is wrong with you, as whatever dysfunction that you may have thought was there was your opportunity for clarification on who you are: OBARA MEJI. Being a compassionate person is a double edged sword because you can give too much of yourself and have not enough left for yourself, not only financially but also spiritually. So, you must temper your compassion with fearless belief in who you… Read more »

MTH
Blogger
MTH

Thank you Teach, Ty and Bubblez for sharing your stories. When you share we lear,, we understand you more and we can identify similarities with ourselves.

Coming to this blog is like water to my soul. I appreciate Obara for taking the time to wrIte these posts daily. Sometime we even get 3 in one day. Love and light to all!!!

Lalibela A Nile (@Lalibela_Nile)
Blogger

No one like you Great Teacher; as usual, thank you for the sharing of your extensive wealth… It has been a long day; however, I’ve made it my duty visit your blog so that I can read your work…

Betam amesegënallô!!!

Cami
Member
Cami

No matter what time a day I log on there is always something inspiring. Another good read. Obara, you are also kind in saying “bye-bye” with a “proper f*k off”, lol. Too funny. Strength from within ones self is key and a positive support system is second best.

Good Morning All. Have a bless weekend.

Ty
Blogger
Ty

They about an inch and a half long…

My quartz one have personality..

kiabubblez
Blogger
kiabubblez

Nite ppz love n positive vibes muaaah

kiabubblez
Blogger
kiabubblez

Obara i read n tried step 1, lol i too read ur earlier on de laurence.

Ty
Blogger
Ty

Obara, I cannot find your second post from today…

Ty
Blogger
Ty

Missy is my shadow, she follow me everywhere…

Ty
Blogger
Ty

Me and hubby we’re living in another state and came to visit my parents in their state…my dog Missy, had a stuffed toy, a lizard that we called Lizzie…it was the only toy that she played with…

When we came down, we had Lizzie, however we forgot Lizzie there when we left… We did not realize

Do you know my dog missy dream my husband and tell him she need Lizzie and that Lizzie was by my mother?

So hubby call my mom and she confirmed that Lizzie was indeed left behind…she had to Mail Lizzie to us…

kiabubblez
Blogger
kiabubblez

ES is therapy for me. Thank u Ty n Obara for sharing. I have very lil childhood memories n pleasant family memories to share. Yu kno i cam memba bits of molestation n physical abuse the most. The weirdest thing is i never memba the molestion til it start come to me in dreams ina my 20s. guess i blocked it out. Im still learning that i chose this family and trying figure out why.

Ty
Blogger
Ty

My husband begged me to tell you a story…you know me full a dem…it will lighten the mood

kiabubblez
Blogger
kiabubblez

Hmmm the fear of abandonment can cripple yu. Yu strong missis n i read it daily in ur post.Obaraaaaaa Meji nite

Ty
Blogger
Ty

My mom had me when she was 19, I am the only child for both my parents… Now that I am a mother, I am not sure if I could do what my parents did… I must say though that everywhere I went, I helped others and I received lots of help… I never forgot, one morning before mass…I went to the chapel at school and I cried, tears would not stop…I had not slept in 4 days and looked a mess… A wonderful priest came over and told me that God listened to every prayer and that if I… Read more »

kiabubblez
Blogger
kiabubblez

Wow Ty glad yu released them…the resentment makes one bitter. Yu nah enjoy life wid resentment it too heavy like stone.

Ty
Blogger
Ty

So from the age of 15, I have had to fend for myself… I cried many nights…den to make matters worse, me fraid of lizards, and like a spite every night di duty croaking lizards would come in my room…for a good 2 years, I did not sleep well.. All I would do was pray, cry, read the psalms and cry some more… I would get up early go to mass at my high school, it was catholic…then go swim, then go to an aerobic class, then go to class…my hope is that I would be so tired that I… Read more »

Ty
Blogger
Ty

Your fathers story touched me, tears came to my eyes…it resonated with me…

Although I was not given away, I was left by self by my parents to fend for myself at 15… It was a dark and hard time for me…

Ty
Blogger
Ty

All these experiences have made you spiritually stronger and spiritually adept…so much that you can help so many…

Ty
Blogger
Ty

When I read it, I see a strong woman who loves… Who provides for her children, her home… You give whole heartedly… Many can say they have never…

You give without reciept…you love without fear and give chances even when not earned…

Your fairness to other even when they do not deserve it, is remarkable…

Ty
Blogger
Ty

I had a ruff day at work then had tons of errands, kids out of school so more things to do…I have been in and out of class today…but my spirit was with you all…

Obara thanks for sharing the story…

Ty
Blogger
Ty

Love and light Kiab…this too shall pass…

Meditation and my ancestral altar have been key for me…cause when me step a road, me know know me have mi backitive…one heap a generation behind me…

Problems still come but I can face the better and with my chin up…

Then when problems have me saka saka…me double up on my affirmations…

kiabubblez
Blogger
kiabubblez

Obara ES weh unno deh? mi alone free pon fri nite

kiabubblez
Blogger
kiabubblez

Just wednesday mi get sum news dat teef me joy eno mi did fret likkle n seh oh no i have hope n strenght this too shall pass. Mi come home stawt talk aloud. Call pon God, my guides, ancestors n light mi candles. Set an order ask fi all tings weh my candles rep n mediate. Afta likkle while mi feel light mind feel clear, my spirit feel much better. Planning how to work through the situation stawt come to mind. it is cah of this website that me a learn these tings cah a Obara Meji n each… Read more »

kiabubblez
Blogger
kiabubblez

Obara just reading the first paragragh gimi strenght…i know of this she yu speak of. Her name is shadow lol yu ask how i kno cah just last night i watch her powerful strides as we walked n affi ask if mi a lead or she lol Nice read. Bwoy pride n shame walk hand in hand. Mi carry both. U learn early walk wid pride n den dem seh nih be too prideful lol by then u alreafy ina prideville. N shameeee lawd man mi nuh like embarrasment doh shame n pride has made mi stay wid mr mawga… Read more »

MTH
Blogger
MTH

Lady T mek mi give yu 101 how to survive in Jamaica:- 1. When yu come DO NOT HYPE if yu can gwan learn some patois so yu can blen in 2. No try gwan like yu rich (a dem time dey dem rob yu). If yu tek a taxi anything the driver tells you as the fare bwal it down (ask for a discount) 3. NEVER, NEVER guh HELLSHIRE BEACH and order fish by yuself…Mi sey dem teef, dem teef, dem teef outta Hellshire. Choose yu fish and pay for it said place..(Pref ask a local fi order fi… Read more »

Lady T
Blogger
Lady T

Ya Mon mi dey ya. No always dey jus sometimes I can’t type n I take a long time to process things but for sure happy to have this moment in time to finally be apart of the day time ting as oppse to my ususal lonely nights. Mth how is ja I wanna go but no FEAR jamaicans dem treat me to bad out dey.

MTH
Blogger
MTH

We need blogs like this that teach about self upliftment. We will never know how strong we are (or can become) until we are tested…

Lady T
Blogger
Lady T

I like her too and we should all aspire for her to evolve out of us

MTH
Blogger
MTH

I have been situations where I thought that things were so bad and I wouldnt survive and after it has passed and you look back you realise it was not so bad…

MTH
Blogger
MTH

Teacher if I have never said it before, let me tell you now, I love you. I was walking in Kingston City under the blazing sun.

When I saw the title of this post, tears came to my eyes. You taught us about hope, courage, jealousy etc. I feel empowered.

NuNu
Blogger
NuNu

Yes fear is definitely a factor, and we create things that don’t exist and hold on to the lies that fear creates.I’m glad you found the strength to move on from that

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