Latest Blogs

2021 World Prophecies For The New Year | Spirit Says…

Peace, blessings and happy new year to all. I know it has been a while since I've posted (and thanks to all...

The Secret Power of Women and the Feminine Energy

There are some hidden things in life that are hidden for good reason. And then there are others that are often...

DIY Rituals Gone Wrong: What Happens and What You Don’t Know

It is a good feeling to have the knowledge of solving your own problems. I, myself, have told clients and you readers...

Religion vs. Tradition: What’s The Difference?

Yesterday, I wrote a WhatsApp status that attracted many comments and questions. But I found one question in particular very important.

Light Energy Passes Through The Earth For The Next 3 Days!

From where I am sitting currently, a message was just passed to me that I believe that I must pass to everyone...

download (9)


In Jamaica, we have a saying which goes ” A little Joke is better than quarrel”, here I have compiled  a list of jokes sent to me by some people who knows how much I love to laugh. I hope you will enjoy them as much as I did! I love my Jamaican people, can I say that enough lol!


Have a laaf nuf……Dis one ya tek di ratid kake!


A man dies and goes to hell. He discovers that; there are different Hells

for each country of the world.

First he goes to the German Hell and asks what they do there.

First, they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then they lay you

on a bed of nails for an hour. Then the German Devil comes in and whips

you for the rest of the day. The man doesn’t like this Hell so he moves on.

He goes to the US Hell, the Canadian Hell, and the UK Hell,

and discovers that they are all the same.

Finally, he comes across a very long line of people waiting

to get in and asks, ‘Which Hell is this?’ Someone tells him,

‘A Jamaican Hell dis.’ ‘What do they do in here?’ he asks.

‘Well, fus dem put you pon electric chair, then dem lay you

pon a bed of nails for an hour, then de Jamaican Devil come an

whip yu ass fi de res of de day!’ ‘But that is just like all the other Hells,

‘ The man said. ‘Why is the line so

long?’ ”Cause inna de Jamaican Hell, the current always lock off,

the electric chair naah wuk, sumbady tief di nail dem, and di Jamaican

Devil a rhattid public servant, so him come in an’ punch him time card,

den go a Rum Bar fi play domino fi di rest a di day!


Anther Joke;


Don’t ramp with dem Jamaicans!!

St. Peter came to the Lord and said, ‘Lord, I have to talk to you.
I have a problem. I know we didn’t have many Jamaicans in heaven so
you instituted an affirmative action plan and we are supposed to have
10,000 Jamaicans in heaven.

But they are causing so many problems! They have torn down the
Pearly Gates by swinging on them. They have let in another 10,000 of their
bredrin through the fence. They are constantly hanging out by the gate
disturbing Angel Gabriel begging for a ‘bly’ for their baby modder,
cousin, sistren, bredda, neighbor, granny, auntie….

Whenever it is their turn to watch the gates they keep letting in
heavy, good looking women. They have stolen my harp. They have gotten
jerk sauce all over their white robes. Drum pan chicken is being sold
all over the Streets of Gold. Some are walking around with only one
wing because they are ‘STYLING’. Angels must have two wings to fly! Some of
them have put on chrome wings and are dazzling the other angels when
they are flying.

The white robes are eternal and must be washed five times a day.
Some haven’t washed their robes since they arrived because they didn’t come
to heaven to ‘slave’. Some have refused to take their turn in helping
keep the Stairway to Heaven clean because ‘dem ah no helper’. Many who
came here because they used salt are still using it because they don’t
like ‘ital’ food.

Some refuse to wear their halos because ‘it will mess up their
hairdo’. Some are wearing it backways.  Others are wearing it with the tags still attached to them. Others
have discarded the white halos and are wearing gold ones instead; they
claim these are ‘bashy’. Most of the women have discarded their white
robes and are wearing ‘batty riders’ claiming that they have pretty sk
in and want to show off their ‘bandy legs’.

Reggae music is blasted at all hours of the night. Their cellular
phones are worn on their robes and keeps ringing during prayers.

Recently there was an altercation between Adam and one Jamaican who
claims he was only ‘checking out’ Eve. They have planted ganja in the
Garden of Eden since the soil is so fertile claiming ‘man and man
haffi hustle’. What should I do?!’

The Lord said, ‘It wouldn’t be fair to not let Jamaicans in heaven.
They have just as much right to be here as other nationalities. Maybe
we just don’t know how to deal with them and are using the wrong
approach.  Let’s check with someone who has more experience dealing with them.
Let’s call the Devil.’

The Devil answered the phone and said, ‘Hello, Lord. What can I do
for you?’ The Lord said, ‘We have a problem up here, and we’d like to talk
to you about it.’

The Devil said, ‘Just a minu te, I’ve got to put you on hold.’
The Devil was gone five minutes. He came back to the phone and said,
‘OK Lord, I’m back. What’s up?’ The Lord said, I would like to talk to
you about a problem up here.’ Again the Devil excused himself and put
the Lord on hold for fifteen minutes this time.

Finally, the Devil came back to the phone and said, ‘Lord, I am
really sorry, but I can’t talk to you right now. I have to go. These damn
Jamaicans down here….. I don’t know where they found water, but they
have put out the fire and yesterday they even had air conditioning
installed saying “de place too hot” and ‘man come yah fe chill’.

Another Joke


Ever wonder what it would be like if Jamaican buses were set up
> like airlines, with the flight attendant and captain giving safety
> instructions?
> Bus driver speaking on the intercom: Welcome to Bus numba 40
> running from Papine to Down Town Kingston. Please direct yuh attention
> to di ConDucta who will instruc’ yuh on our safety and model features.
> ConDucta: Hail up massive! We want yuh fi know dat yuh a ride pon di
> safes’ bus dat run pon di Papine to Downtown route. The moggle of our
> bus is a 1980 Encava, own and operate by Rough Rider transports. Dis
> moggle can survive any adversities an’ cantravasies. As unnu can si dis
> bus get nuff lick up an’ bad man shot it up nuff time an’ it still a
> drive like new!
> This bus seat up to 55 passenger, howeva, due to fi we commitment to
> excellent service, we no leave anybady straddling ina di s! treets. So
> expect to ‘ave up to 140 people in yah by di time we reach downtown.
> Durin’ di journey we may encounta unexpected turbulences……….
> dese are known as pot holes. In di case of a sudden bump please refrain
> fram bawlin’ out “Lard Jesus mi dead now!” Our driva is an experience
> driva an’ will mek sure di axle an’ wheel noh bruck aff ina one a dem.
> But in case we drap inna one an ca’an come out.
> Please do not climb troo di window dem til unnu pay unnu bus
> fare……. or I will shat unnu r*ss wid mi 45.
> Dis bus no equip wid seat belt. Please hole on pon di railin’ when
> dibus a tun di cana dem. De bus is capable of drivin’ pon 2 wheels
> ‘roun’ all canas an’ bends. When di bus a tun one wicked cana pon 2
> wheelie, wi ask dat we seated passengers bear it if s’maddy slide dung
> inna dem seat an’ squash yuh ‘gainst di bus side. We seated pa! ssenger s
> may experience standin’ passengers losin’ dem balance an’ falling ova
> pon unnu … please no yell out, “ey batty bway, coom aff a mi r*ss
> lap!” Dat might cause a serious shootout!
> On exiting de bus please don’ expect di bus to come to a full stop.
> Wi askin’ dat yuh hop aff a di bus an’ step skillfull …. if unnu drap
> an’ lan’ pon unnu backside an’ bruck sinting, Rough Rider noh response.
> Dis is NOT a non-stop journey. As a matta a fact wi stop any which
> part wi waan fi stop, at every yaad gate – all ina miggle road wi stop.
> Howeva dis bus noh stop fi police … in case of an unexpected police
> chase, the driva will be forced to increase de bus’ normal speed from
> 100 mph to 160 mph. Yuh will be instructed to hole on tight an shet
> unnu mout.
> In case dis bus is hijacked by a teroris’ known as “Pickpocket”,
> hole di bway an’ mu! rda ‘im , to r*ss. Dat said, if wi reach downtown
> inna wan piece please prepare fi new passenger fi shoob unnu dung before
> unnu can get aff Noh mine dem ….. seat kina ration.
> Tank yuh for tekin’ di iriest Rough Rider Encava pon di route…. and
> hope you enjoy di ride.
> Author Unknown


Another Joke


An old couple in Jamaica was puzzled when the coffin of their dead daughter arrived from foreign.

 The corpse was so tightly squeezed inside the coffin that her face was practically touching the glass cover. When they opened the coffin, they found a letter pinned to her chest which read:

Dear Mama and Papa

 Mi a sen yu wha lef a Puncie fi di funeral dung deh inna Jamaica .

Sarry seh mi couldn’t mek di funeral cause dem seh di expenses dem too high.. Yu wi find inside a di coffin, unda Puncie body:

12 can a Bully Beef

12 bottle a Posner Shampoo

12 bottle a Posner Conditioner

12 bottle a Vaseline Intensive Care Lotion

12 tube a Colgate toothpaste

Pon Puncie body is a brand new pair a Nike (size 8) fi Keefa.

 Unda Puncie head is four pair a Nike fi Boysie son dem.
 Puncie a wear six Fubu t-shirt – one is fi Trevor and di rest fi im son dem.
 Puncie a wear one dozen Wonder Bras (a fi mi favorite), jus devide dem mongst the likkle gal dem inna di district.
 Di two dozen Victoria Secret panty dem dat Puncie have on is fi mi nieces and mi cousin dem.
Puncie have on eight Levi pants, tek one fi yuhself and give di rest of dem to di likkle boy boy dem whey work pon Papa truck.

Di Swiss diman watch yu did ask mi fa de pan Puncie lef han

 and di tings dem wha yu did sen come beg mi for Mama (di earrings, ring and chain), dem is where dem suppose fi wear pon Puncie body, please tek dem up before anybody come fi view di body.
tief all kina way fi get tings eena di


God bless yu and spare yu life,

Your loving daughter,


P.S. Mi a beg yu find a dress fi Puncie bury eenna


Another Joke

Two women friends had gone for a girl’s night out. Both were very
faithful and loving wives. However, they had gotten over-enthusiastic on the
Bacardi Breezers. Incredibly drunk, and walking home, they needed to
pee, so they stopped in the cemetery.
 One of them had nothing to wipe with, so she thought she would take off
her panties and use them. Her friend, however, was wearing a rather expensive
pair of panties and did not want to ruin them. She was lucky enough to
squat down next to a grave that had a wreath with a ribbon on it, so she
proceeded to wipe with that.
 After the girls did their business, they proceeded to go home.
 The next day one of the women’s husbands was concerned that his normally
sweet and innocent wife was still in bed — hung over, so he phoned the
other husband and said, ‘These girls’ nights have got to stop! I’m
starting to suspect the worst.... My wife came home with no panties!!
 That’s nothing’ said the other husband, ‘Mine came back with a card stuck
to her butt that said….. ‘From all of us at the Fire Station. We’ll never
forget you.’
Another Joke

At the regular Sunday morning service, Pastor Sitompul announced that he was planning to leave for a larger church that would pay him more.

There is a hush within the congregation. No one wants him to leave, because he is so popular. Guntur, who owns several car dealerships stands up and proclaims “If Pastor Sitompul stays, I will provide him with a new Mercedes every year, and his wife with a Honda Jazz, to transport their children!”

The congregation sighs in appreciation and applauds. 

Henry, a successful businessman and lawyer, stands and says, “If Pastor Sitompul will stay on here, I’ll personally double his salary, and establish a foundation to guarantee a free university education at USU for his children!”.

More sighs and loud applause…. 

Yuliana age 68, stands and announces with a smile, “If Pastor Sitompul stays, I will give him Sex!”.

There is total silence. 

Pastor Sitompul blushing, asks her: “Yuliana, you’re a wonderful and holy lady. Whatever possessed you to say that?”.

 Yuliana’s 70-year old husband, Martua, is now trying to hide, holding his forehead with the palm of his hand, and shaking his head from side  to side, while his wife replied,

“Well, I just asked my husband how we
could help, and he said: “Fuck  him!”.
Another Joke
Restaurant Pickup
A Jamaican guy enters a restaurant and while sitting at his table he notices a gorgeous woman sitting at another table alone. He calls the waiter over and asks for a bottle of the most expensive champagne to be sent over to her knowing that if she accepts it she will be his.

The waiter gets the bottle and quickly takes it over to the young lady, saying that its from the gentleman. She looks at the champagne and decides to send a note back to the jamaican, the note reads…

“For me to accept this bottle you need to have a Mercedes in your garage, a million in the bank and 9 inches in your trousers.”

After reading this note the Jamaican sends back a note of his own, it reads…

“jus su yuh know…me av a bran new benz an a bran new bimma

park up inna mi yard, an mi av over 10 million inna de bank but nuhbaddy an mi mean NUHBADDY nah gon mek mi cut 3 inch off a wah mi av inna mi pants…suh yuh can jus sen back di champagne!”

 Another Joke
Rastaman Divorce Hearing
A Jamaican Rasta man and his wife are in court getting a divorce. The problem was who should get custody of the child. The wife jumped up and said, “Your Honor. I brought the child into this world with pain and labor. She should be in my custody.”
 he judge turns to the husband and says, “What do you have to say in the matter?” The Rasta man sat for a while contemplating, then slowly rose. Your Honor, if I man put a dollar in a vending machine and a Pepsi comes out, whose Pepsi is it, ‘I and I’ or the machine’s?
Another Joke
 Three Jamaican sons
 Three Jamaican sons left home, went out on their own and prospered.

Getting back together, they discussed the gifts they were able to give to

their elderly mother:

The first son said, “Mi bill a big house wid land an gi mama.”

The second son said, “Mi sen har a cris Benz wid a driver”

The third smiled and said, “Mi beat di 2 a unnu. Yuh memba how Mama use to

love fi read har Bible? An yuh know seh she cyaan see too good. Mi sen har a

Church parrot dat recite di entire Bible. It tek di elders inna di church 15

years fi teach im. Im exclusive man. Mama jus ha-fi name di chapter an di

verse, an di parrot wi recite it.”

Soon thereafter, Mother sent out her letters of thanks:

” Milton ,” she wrote one son, “A weh duh

yuh bwoy, a chupid yuh chupid suh.

Di house yuh bill too big. A mi one live inna one room, but mi always ha fi a

clean di whole house.”

“Winston,” she wrote to another, “Yuh a eediat, yuh dun know mi too old fi

travel. Mi always inna di yard, suh mi nuh use di Mercedes an di driver im

too dyam facey!”

“Dearest Delroy,” she wrote to her third son, “you have the good sense fi

know what your mother likes. The chicken was delicious.”

 Another Joke
 New Truck

One day, Rambo was walking down King Street when he saw his friend Shabba driving a brand new pickup. Shabba pulled up to him with a wide grin.

“Shabba, where’d you get that truck?!?”

“Wendy gave it to me” Shabba replied.

“She gave it to you? I knew she was kinda sweet on ya, but a new truck?”

“Well, Rambo, let me tell you what happened. We were driving up Hope Road , late last night. Wendy pulled off the road, put the truck in 4-wheel drive and headed to Hope Garden. She parked the truck, got out, threw off

all her clothes and said, ‘Shabba, take whatever you want’.

So I took the truck!”

“Shabba, you’re a smart man!”

“Them clothes woulda never fit you!”

Windows Live: Make it easier for your friends to see what you’re up to on Facebook. Find out more.

Another Joke















Another Joke

The wife came home early and found her husband in their bedroom making love to a very attractive young woman.

And she was somewhat upset. ‘You are a disrespectful pig!’ she cried. ‘How dare you do this to me — a faithful wife, the mother of your children! I’m leaving you. I want a divorce right away!’

And the husband replied, ‘Hang on just a minute love, so at least I can tell you what happened.’ ‘Fine, go ahead,’ she sobbed,’ but they’ll be the last words you’ll say to me!’

And the husband began — ‘Well, I was getting into the car to drive home, and this young lady here asked me for a lift. She looked so down and out and defenseless that I took pity on her and let her into the car.

I noticed that she was very thin, not well dressed and very dirty. She told me that she hadn’t eaten for three days.

So, in my compassion, I brought her home and warmed up the enchiladas I made for you last night, the ones you wouldn’t eat because you’re afraid you’ll put on weight. The poor thing devoured them in moments.

Since she needed a good clean-up, I suggested a shower, and while she was doing that, I noticed her clothes were dirty and full of holes, so I threw them away.

Then, as she needed clothes, I gave her the designer jeans that you have had for a few years, but don’t wear because you say they are too tight.

I also gave her the underwear that was your anniversary present, which you don’t wear because I don’t have good taste.

I found the sexy blouse my sister gave you for Christmas that you don’t wear just to annoy her, and I also donated those boots you bought at the expensive boutique and don’t wear because someone at work has a pair the same.’

The husband took a quick breath and continued – ‘She was so grateful for my understanding and help that as I walked her to the door, she turned to me with tears in her eyes and said, ‘Please … Do you have anything else that your wife doesn’t use?’

 Another Joke
Nurses aren’t supposed to laugh..‘Of course I won’t laugh, said the nurse. I’m a professional.
In over twenty years I’ve never laughed at a patient.”Okay then, said Fred, and he proceeded to drop his trousers, revealing the tiniest ‘man thingy’ the nurse had ever seen. Length and width, it couldn’t have been bigger than the aAAA battery. Unable to control herself, the nurse started giggling, then fell to the floor laughing.Ten minutes later she was able to struggle to her feet and regain her composure.

‘I am so sorry,’ she said. ‘I don’t know what came over me. On my honor as a nurse and a lady, I promise it won’t happen again. Now, tell me, what seems to be the problem?’

..’It’s swollen,’ Fred replied.

She ran out of the room.


Another Joke

Subject: ‘Lawd! Mi Ded Now!’A Jamaican living in the States was down on his luck. Out of work and broke, he started going around to various companies in the city begging for a job, any job.Finally he got to the Zoo. The Zookeeper looked stressed out.’The monkey escaped last night’, the Zookeeper said,

‘If you are willing to put on a monkey suit and stand in the monkey’s cage for a couple days, I’ll pay you.’

The Jamaican immediately accepted.

The pay was OK and the work wasn’t hard.

He swung from the tree, and the kids fed him fruits and nuts. He actually started enjoying himself.

He even started adding a few acrobatic moves that he had seen on TV.

Late in the afternoon he swung a bit too vigorously, lost his grip and flew clean out of the monkey cage and landed in the lion cage next door.

The lion let out a huge roar and our friend in the monkey suit bawl out,


The huge lion immediately pounced on him, grabbed him by the throat and whispered,

‘Man, shut yuh mout nuh, suh we can keep di likkle wuk!’

Another Joke

Dear Santa,
I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. Iv ben a gud boy
all yeer. yer Frend, BiLLyDear Billy,
Nice spelling. You’re on your way to a career in lawn care.
How about I send you a friggin’ book so you can learn to read
and write? I’m giving your older brother the space ranger. At
least HE can spell!
________________________________________Dear Santa,
I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for
is peace and joy in the world for everybody!
Love, Sarah
Dear Sarah,
Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn’t they?
________________________________________Dear Santa,
I don’t know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I’d like
for my mommy and daddy to get back together. Please see what
you can do.
Love, Teddy

Dear Teddy,
Look, your dad’s banging the babysitter like a screen door in
a hurricane. Do you think he’s gonna give that up to come back
to your frigid mom, who rides his ass constantly? It’s time to
give up that dream. Let me get you some nice Legos instead.

Dear Santa,
I want a new bike, a Playstation, a train, some G.I. Joes, a
dog, a drum set, a pony and a tuba.
Love, Francis

Dear Francis,
Who names their kid “Francis” nowadays? I bet you’re gay;
I’ll set you up with a Barbie.

Dear Santa,
I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left
carrots for your reindeer outside the back door.
Love, Susan

Dear Susan,
Milk gives me the runs and carrots make the deer fart in my
face when riding in the sleigh. You want to do me a favor?
Leave me a bottle of scotch.

Dear Santa,
What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you busy
making toys?
Your friend, Thomas

Dear Thomas,
All the toys are made in China. I have a condo in Vegas,
where I unwind by drinking myself silly and squeezing the asses
of cocktail waitresses while losing money at the craps table.
Hey, you wanted to know.

Another Joke

The National Poetry Contest had come down to two, a Yale graduate and a Jamaican Rastaman. They were given a word, and then allowed two minutes to study the word and come up with a poem that contained the word.

The word they were given was ” Timbuktu “.

First to recite his poem was the Yale graduate.
He stepped to the microphone and said:

Slowly across the desert sand,
trekked a lonely caravan;
Men on camels two by two,
Destination – Timbuktu

The crowd went crazy! No way could the Rastaman top that, they thought.
The Rastaman calmly made his way to the microphone and recited:

Me and Tim a huntin’ went.
Met three whores in a pop up tent.
They was three, and we was two,
so I buck one, and Timbuktu .

The Rasta won!!

Another Joke


The love story of Ralph and Edna.

Just because someone doesn’t love you the way you want them to, doesn’t
mean they don’t love you with all they have. Ralph and Edna were both
patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the
hospital swimming pool. Ralph suddenly jumped into the deep end. He
sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there.

Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled
him out. When the Head Nurse Director became aware of Edna’s heroic act
she immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she
now considered her to be mentally stable.

When she went to tell Edna the news she said, “Edna, I have good news
and bad news. The good news is you’re being discharged, since you were
able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life
of the person you love. I have concluded that your act displays sound
mindedness. The bad news is, Ralph hung himself in the bathroom with his
bathrobe belt right after you saved him. I am so sorry, but he’s dead.”

Edna replied, “He didn’t hang himself, I put him there to dry. How soon
can I go home?”

Happy Mental Health day!


Another Joke



Bert always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots. He’s an elderly man

and figures he’s not getting any younger. So seeing some on sale one day,

he buys them, wears them home, walking proudly. He walks into the house and

says to his wife: "Notice anything different about me?'" Margaret looks him 
over, "Nope" she says. Frustrated Bert storms off into the bathroom, 
undresses, and walks back into the room completely naked except for the 
boots. Again, he asks, a little louder this time, "Notice anything 
different NOW?" Margaret looks up and says, "Bert, what's different? It's 
hanging down today, it was hanging down yesterday, and it'll be hanging 
down again tomorrow." Furious, Bert yells, "AND DO YOU KNOW WHY IT'S 
HANGING DOWN, MARGARET?'" 'Nope', she replies. Bert Yells 'CAUSE IT'S 
LOOKIN' AT MY NEW BOOTS" To which Margaret replies... "Shoulda bought a 
hat, Bert, Shoulda bought a hat."

Ah lickle joke betta dan quarrel....Jamaican Proverb!

All religions are valid as long as it teaches peace and love...Obara Meji



0 0 vote
Article Rating
Notify me of

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

oldest most voted
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
6 years ago

šŸ™‚ Obara bawoni oremi hope you are well

6 years ago

Hellooooo my famibly pred whey mi love all a dem mek mi share small joke…mi love laff eno
Pastor and church sister was having sex unda di tree..but dem neva know a rastaman was up ina di tree. Wen dem dun sister seh suppose mi breed, who wuda tek care di baby? Pastor man seh nuh watch nutn leff it to di one above..si rastaman jump down an seh not a bl**dclaat! Unu tek rastaman fi fool!! lol

Obara meji
6 years ago
Reply to  kiabubblez

Kiaaaaaaaa, lol

6 years ago
Reply to  kiabubblez


6 years ago

Howdy mi fam! Unoo people fool fool ie nuh, lol

6 years ago

LLOOOVEEEE all the laughs. Thank you!!!

Obara meji
6 years ago
Reply to  AMH

Grung Ty, lol


6 years ago
Reply to  Obara meji

Hi Obara!

6 years ago

Here is a corny one…it was told to me today…a dwarf goes to the doctor and says to him, doctor do you see dwarfs? he said sure but you have to be a little patient..

Related Reads

For Your Spiritual Journey

Related Articles

Ā© Embracing Spirituality 2020
What Are Your Thoughts? Leave a Comment!x