September 25, 2014 Obara Meji 164Comment

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Tonight for our book club discussion we have a very heavy topic to deal with, and for all week we have been dealing with topics which were very deep also. Today I will go light or perhaps try to. I will not write too much on this topic, but with what little I will write today, I ask for all participants in the days discussion to tell their own feelings or thoughts upon the titled topic, Forgiveness. Have you done it, can you do it, what is forgiveness to you?

When I went through all that I had been through with family and the Wicked baby father, so called friends and others, and I moved on from them and have even cut them off, most of them I should say (parents are not completely cut off). I never put it in thought that I had forgiven them. I thought that life and for the survival of my mind, my mental well being, forced me to keep it moving and not to stay angry and bitter.

There were times feeling angry and bitter and hurt felt so good. Hating the enemy and feeling resentment against them, wishing them all evil and having evil thoughts against them were comforting to the soul and spirit and warming to the heart. Having someone “Talk” to you, begging you to let it go and forgive, often times became a nuisance to the mind consumed with hate and revenge. The need to stay bitter and angry was greater than the need to calm down or be calmed down. There are times, bitterness felt/feels good, but how do you go on or move forward when you keep remembering and not letting go of the pain which another did to you or did to someone for you, someone you love?

When my first child, a girl, which I had for the Big Bad Wolf, read here was five years old, I had gotten a call while at work from my parents, who were babysitting for me at the time, telling me that I needed to come home because my daughter was having a asthma attack. I was living with the wicked baby father and had a son for him at the time, (His first child, my second). I called him before I left work, he had the boy with him while I was at work, but no answer. I hurriedly left work and headed for my parents home to pick up my child to take her to the hospital. My parents met me at the doctors office with her, it was October but the winter was in a hurry to come, so that day was very windy and extremely cold.

I took her in to see her Pediatrician, but was told that her attack was severe so I should immediately take her to the emergency room. I called Sir wickedness again and he answered, I told him where I was and to hurry and come, I was crying by this, worried for my child, she could barely stand (these memories are hard for me). There I stood on the sidewalk of the doctors office, amidst strong cold wind, which howled and sang and whistled, this was about seven o’clock in the evening, with a child who struggled to breathe, my heart pounding, trying to hail a taxi while waiting for “HIM” to come, but no taxi stopped for me. I was scared for my child and praying that I got to the emergency room in time.

He came, pulled up in his Black car, he had my son in the front seat with him, I hurriedly lifted my daughter and ran to open the car door, it was locked. I pounded on the glass, the wind had picked up speed and developed teeth which seemed to bite into my skin, while kissing my cheeks with cold lips, as I shouted for him to unlock the door. He rolled down the window and told me no, he would not take us to the hospital, and he drove off.

He drove off! The mother F***er drove off!!…. God was good and a man stopped, a taxi and took us to the emergency room, she was admitted and spent five days in the hospital. I told everyone what he did, most people were shocked, but interestingly when I told his father, who according to his bitch of a mother  was/is the exact thing as his wicked son, when he was younger, age had quelled him a bit, the father told me straight up, he said that he did not believe that his son could do something like that. I asked him if he was calling me a liar, he said no, but he refused to believe it, and that was it he would say no more. Is whey dem people deh did come from. They are both alive,the old crow and de husband.

I have already told you here on Embracing spirituality that if I were to tell all that I suffered at the hands of the “wicked baby father”, my words could fill a collection of encyclopedias, the books would be that thick, and I probably still would not be done. If I should do the same of how my parents treated me (the good years were in Jamaica) the mal treatment came after we migrated, then I could fill a library, maybe I am exaggerating, who the hell knows, but I certainly been through a lot. My sisters took advantage of the fact that the parents had no love for me and “they” did their wickedness also, the wicked baby father’s, equally wicked and cruel mumma, (I cannot call her a mother, it feels too decent for her, although she was a good one to some of her children I suppose, some ah de oddas have some stories), did her own share of cruel acts against me and she had spawned she and he devils children all born with pitch fork, tail and all!

The wicked man’s mother had an interesting story amid her evil character. (Please somebody help me stop writing, I promised I would not write for long, but the memories keep coming!), she was treated very badly by her wicked mother who had her living for years under the cellar, she developed asthma under there, and had two children while living under that very cellar. Her mother lived to be over a hundred and she never forgave her!

Yet, when I and her son parted ways, and things were tough for me, she would tell her son not to give me anything, and if we asked for food she told him to buy food only for the children, make sure nothing was there,  none there for me to eat from, (I am in tears now Y’all!) The memories, the memories!! Yazzy, you will read this whole entire post!

Now, listen here, listen here! I am not seeking pity in telling my story, nor do I want you to cry or feel sorry for me (aldoe me ah cry), I have since gotten over that and them. Believe me when I say that I am over all that they did to me, over it I am! I have gotten the spiritual answer as to why I had to go through these things, I am alive and well, and I nor my children saw “devastation” out of what we went through! I am free from them all, and I am happier than them all, I truly am!

The pain which they inflicted on me, all of them, that hurt while I was going through it, I now process differently in hindsight. I have forgiven them all.>>>>> Breakesssss!!!!!!!!!>>Forgive them as in none of them are in my life, I have no relationship with any of these people, except my parents which I refuse to cut off, because I love them despite all I went through with them, but I really deal with them from afar. I find that when I am around my parents, I feel less than myself, I am uncomfortable, and I feel tears prick my eyes ever so often while I am around them, Often times I gaze far away, and memories come rushing back, like high tide at the sea shore. So I stay away from them, I stay away.

From Wikipedia;

Forgiveness is the intentional and voluntary process by which a victim undergoes a change in feelings and attitude regarding an offense, lets go of negative emotions such as vengefulness, with an increased ability to wish the offender well. Forgiveness is different from condoning (failing to see the action as wrong and in need of forgiveness), excusing (not holding the offender as responsible for the action), pardoning (granted by a representative of society, such as a judge), forgetting (removing awareness of the offense from consciousness), and reconciliation (restoration of a relationship).

“lets go of negative emotions such as vengefulness”, This part of the definition is how I feel, along with dismissing them from my mind, I am numb to them, I have no feeling toward them, no hate, or love, like, or dislike, no feeling at all, but if they were hungry I would feed them, naked I would clothe them, mi nuh sure bout de shelter, probably but not in my house! I am no saint, but I do have compassion, compassion over load, and I believe that it is my compassion that has brought me this far. When you pray, pray for compassion!

I have no idea if  all which I have let go of was voluntary, or I just moved ahead and let them all behind me, perhaps something inside of me healed my mind and cleanse it from becoming bitter. Again, I have no feelings for them, other than that I do not want them in my space ever again. I am done with them, numb to them. People asked me why I never took the wicked man to child support court, and I say, I wanted no part of him, none at all, so child support court to me, meant interaction at some point  or the other with him, and I did not want that. I settled for peace of mind and God did the rest.

I will not give a speech on forgiveness, I want us talk about it today, so as usual read my story, add yours if you have one and let us reason on the topic of forgiveness, how do you feel about it, can you do it, how often have you forgiven and do you believe you can!

Tí ìtàkùn bá pa ẹnu pọ̀, wọ́n a mú erin so. /
If creeping plants could unite, they’ll easily tie up an elephant…..yoruba Proverb! 

[Together, we can do more; there’s no telling what can be achieved with unity.]

All religions are valid as long as it teaches peace and love…..Obara Meji!

There are no disappointments in life, only lessons learned…..Obara Meji

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164 Comments on "FORGIVENESS-CAN YOU DO IT?"

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MTH
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TEach, Ifeel the pain you feel when you mentioned that the Wicked Baby father did not assist with your daughter. I know most parents do everything in their power to protect their children. Many would even taken on death to save/protect their child/children…

The reason I can understand the pain, is that I have experienced something simillar. It was in the dead of winter (February) and my daughter she just turned 7. We had only left Jamaica 2 months before so the sub zero temp was something new for my daughter. Long story short, my daughter got sick, the school called me to come and get her. When I told my friend that my daughter was sick, all she said was “Calpol in the medicine cabinet’ and walked off.

New Name
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New Name

Damn cold brute!!!
Dem ppl here mek mi get so bringle. No matter how much I despise a person, once it comes to kids, mi mind automatically change.

Obara, di amount ah wicked things mi tink bout whey mi wudda do fi yuh animal, mi neva waa type them, worse mi did ah feel very cross already

New Name
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New Name

Obara, can you continue this discussion tomorrow? Was busy and just finished reading. This topic is so deep and touched mi nerve.

I will be back in a little while

NuNu
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NuNu

Goodnight folks!

New Name
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New Name

Hello peeps.
I am here. Going to go read

Cami
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Cami

New Name…ray in the evening fading sunlight. Welcome

Cami
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Cami

Fi wha? lol The rain just done fall and it a get dark so for me you are a ray of light (hug).

New Name
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New Name

Is alright Cami boo, mi fihgive yuh lol

nyaha1
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nyaha1

brb

nyaha1
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nyaha1

Hear me out good people. Let me conjure up an old woman sitting on a stool with a lappa (African fabric cloth wrapped around your waist) on. This woman is a wise woman and has lived many many years, she has seen and experienced lots of life and shares her message directly (no filler) LOL. Think, imagine this woman as you read this lol.

Your body holds on to what you think, eat, say etc. It is your parents thoughts, food, dna and their parents and their parents. Your organs hold on to different emotions and in additional to their physiological function they also serve (among other things) “emotional” functions. Grief for instance is held in your lungs, anger in your liver. People who are alcoholics for example have a dysfunction with the emotion of anger. This can be something (the anger) from their lifetime or something they inherited from their parents or parents parents. It can also be a weakness of another organ and the liver is trying to compensate. When someone who sees beyond human eyes sees this disease they see they anger. It looks horrible, it smells like death (because it is killing their vitality). Human beings have a lot of gifts, each person who comes to this planet has a purpose, gifts and lessons. Holding on to something unnecessary holds you stagnate. That holding on can turn to disease that disease is not only of the body. It can spread and fester throughout society. People cause that, because people make societies. Forgiveness is a very strong tool. Its a tool of the spirit. It is extremely useful to know and use this tool. Not because it aids someone else but because it is aids YOU. Your spirit learning, growing moving on. Like all things we have a choice. Be well 🙂

Cami
Blogger
Cami

The body will not hold on: to what it doesn’t know about or what was rejected before being ingested. So, no matter how it’s turn, forgiveness isn’t a tool for some people; no weights being lugged around because the offended could careless about the existence of the offender. All that is known is that one being won’t get an opportunity to re-offend and that is the fuel that burns in some people’s life’s engine.

For instance, I can retell all the stories about a violator, but that don’t mean they are of any burden to me. I’ve come to terms with the violation and learned a lesson of how to preserve my humanity on this realm. I don’t have to utter a word that is of this life because when I go deep into myself spiritually…that human word is beneath me and of no use to me on a higher plane.

Yw
Blogger

I really like this, Nyaha, and do believe that negative emotions can (if not DO) lead to illnesses, such as cancer, but I ask you: Do you like everyone you meet? If you do not like someone, do you hold resentment towards them?

nyaha1
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nyaha1

exactly Obara Meji.

nyaha1
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nyaha1

peeping before I head out again.

For the ones who it applies to; Why is it so difficult to forgive or to say you forgive?

Cami
Blogger
Cami

Me answer this question already.

Yw
Blogger

Nyaha, are you saying that you will forgive ANYTHING that someone else may do to you?

Yw
Blogger

@Nyaha: I think I just read how you view forgiveness and I think that is where the controversy lies. Some think of forgiveness as an internal thing and some think of it as an external thing. It is a perspective thing… For me, I can hold no resentment towards someone but keep them out of my life. To some that is forgiveness but to others it is not…..

Yw
Blogger

It is the offense. Not everything can be forgiven and everyone has their “thing” that is unforgivable.

Yw
Blogger

Hey Teach, when I first heard that the concept of plagiarism did not exist in Nigeria (I believe) because the view is that no idea is original, it blow my mind; Mi always wondered about that and had a hard time with that concept as well. Then when mi come cross the Universal Consciousness thing, mi sey look at that…Mi bring this up fi show you the culture part. Some words we use don’t even exist in some languages. Dat must lead to likkle confusion.

MTH
Blogger

Reading and catching up. My absence earlier was unavoidable…

Yw
Blogger

Mi haffi seh, Teach, that person was evil. Mi caan call im man but is sickness that.

Yw
Blogger

Language is a very trickey ting…Not because a word have a dictionary meaning mean sey that is how people using the word. That mean seh, when someone sey something, the words have to be assessed for intent and not for what I think the word means……

Yw
Blogger

Then yu add culture, upbringing, past usage of the words…..complicated….

Yw
Blogger

1. “Having someone “Talk” to you, begging you to let it go and forgive, often times became a nuisance to the mind consumed with hate and revenge. The need to stay bitter and angry was greater than the need to calm down or be calmed down. There are times, bitterness felt/feels good, but how do you go on or move forward when you keep remembering and not letting go of the pain which another did to you or did to someone for you, someone you love?”
Betrayal is difficult to overcome. You have to think of the depth of the betrayal. It is my belief, that to overcome it both parties (assuming that there are just two) would have to be willing to be honest and open with each other. Of course, you may just come to the conclusion that the betrayal cannot be forgiven. Talking is not even an option in some cases, such as our discussions last night…Someone can let go of there resentment, but to forget???….I can’t rationalize that one. If I forgive someone of something I am saying that I am giving them another chance to remain in or as a part of my life.

kiabubblez
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kiabubblez

Yw greetings If I forgive someone of something I am saying that I am giving them another chance to remain in or as a part of my life…dat make sense. Thats why mi naaaaaah forgive. Smh
Nyaha yu meet ur father n blew up. Understandable… the offense is fresher when u see the offender. For me, i dont want see, talk to, smell, or nothing. It may turn violent n why must i put my good up self ina dat sh*tuation. Lol nopessss

Cami
Blogger
Cami

Yw! de Obara know me,,,choooo. Parri yes, the wanna be peace makers only intensify the matter. Treachery/betrayal comes in 2 degrees to me. Small and fool fool move of utterance; then you have the grand daddy level that could cause/or almost cost you your life or something of great value as far as life is concern. I would pardon the lesser but would never seek to remedy the latter.

I too cannot see the forgive, yet can’t forget…impossible. I will tell you that it hard for me to forget so the forgiveness kinda hard to come by, lolololl

Yw
Blogger

HeeTee. yu mean heat?

Cami
Blogger
Cami

heeeee, both a dem cold if dem get activated incorrectly, teee

Yw
Blogger

Cami Cams!! I think I can forgive but not forget because, to me, when I forgive I am giving you another chance. Hear this definition of love: Giving (or allowing) someone the power or ability to hurt you but having faith that they will not….Although, mi nuh know if this is trust….but trust and love suh close…..I sooo confuseeee…heetee

Yw
Blogger

Good Afternoon Obara Meji, Cami and the rest of the board of trustees, the administrators, the prefects, the moderators, the peepers, the fans, and….well you get the picture. Mi have to read and post, read and post because this contain nufffff…
“Forgiveness is the intentional and voluntary process by which a victim undergoes a change in feelings and attitude regarding an offense, lets go of negative emotions such as vengefulness, with an increased ability to wish the offender well.” – If you accidentally bounce me, I can forgive that; If you purposely bounce me, I may forgive that; Some actions I cannot and will never forgive (by this definition of the word) because I would never wish my enemy well. I may not wish evil on them but I WILL NOT wish good for them either. Me, pray for my enemies???!!!! Yu mussi mad!!

Cami
Blogger
Cami

Obara be back later. Kia and Yazzy nu badda disappear go do the gym early. Yw, a Master of ceremony tonight.

nyaha1
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nyaha1

logging off for now. Will make an effort to be here tonight

Cami
Blogger
Cami

Yes, Nyaha come back later…self esteem death and revival up in yah!

nyaha1
Blogger
nyaha1

Kia I hear you. If I may, let me say forgiving someone doesn’t mean you forget what happened. It doesn’t mean that you agree with what they did. It doesn’t give the person an excuse for doing it. Forgiving means you have let it go, that thing that person did does not bother you. Forgiving is for you NOT for them (in my opinion).

It sounds like you forgive your friend (meaning you let it go) AND you have not forgotten. That is why, to me not knowing you and too much about the situation, you let her go and her friendship in a civil way. You found out who she is and don’t need that in your life. 🙂

kiabubblez
Blogger
kiabubblez

Nyaha i see ur point. However mi naaaah forget. I havent forgiven her either just remove her from my mind. Outa sight, outa mind. No dwellings pon shi n the one sided friendship. she will never get a chance to reconcile with me that i can guarantee.

kiabubblez
Blogger
kiabubblez

Yes Obara agreed…learn from it! Learn who you are, what you like, don’t like, your strengths, weakness, any and everything you can…..

kiabubblez
Blogger
kiabubblez

Hello good people wooooo forgiveness hmmm recently talked with someone about why i ain’t forgiving no offenses to me. why should i?! they meant to hurt me. i remove myself from them and never talk to them again. I will not dwell on their offense but forgive n forget it is not in me. I can’t dwell on it because then it gives them power over me. Cami i can relate….I will pretend that the offender don’t exist. But mind you… if they were on fire I would wish that water never reach them. lololol a suh mi tan

My ex-friend violated me couple of times until I got fed up and cut her completely outta my life. I was very civil to her when I ended the friendship and let her know she was not a good friend. smdh I saw her couple a weeks ago. Mind yu it’s been since 2007 i don’t look pon shi. She tell a mutual acquintance that she doesn’t know why I can’t forgive her and she miss me blah blah ray ray. The person told her that I didn’t tell them the full 100 but that she wasn’t a good friend. Her this b**ch..”well i wasn’t at that time but it’s been years wooiieee loooooooool I should forgive her by now.” smdh How can she put a timetable on my dang feelings eeh but it just goes to show that a leopard don’t change their spots. bout she want me travel miami with she like old times…i laff hearty and said I wouldn’t go with she if it was freeeeeeeeeeeee!

Cami
Blogger
Cami

dwln, whappon Kia…had one like that for years, dumped her fake a**s in mid 2010 after 8 years of false friendship. I called her one saturday I was under me herb, cleaning down my entertainment cabinet, lol…I said “look here! I can’t tek this one person friendship…so don’t call back me phone and pretend yu nu see me when you sight me”. Phone hang up and that was that. Some one told me she was spotted some place at a funeral and bout she wanted to call me…call who?

That friendship I went above and beyond with and the last thing leave was fi she cost me me life and that is a pleasure she’ll never get…so Kia that Miami trip wasn’t written fi you, lol

kiabubblez
Blogger
kiabubblez

Cami lawd gawd dem wicked eeh unda yu herb loool. how dare she bout trip. She lucky kmt

nyaha1
Blogger
nyaha1

I really feel the need to stress the point about forgiveness. In one of the videos (with the older white lady I think her name is Delores) she mentioned about anger and holding on to it leading to cancer. That is some real world stuff, we hold on to negative emotions (sometimes forgetting where it started) and get physically sick. Worse yet, we pass the sickness on and our children and children’s children inherit it . It is not worth it, just let it go.

Cami
Blogger
Cami

In Jamaica we say “yu tan de nhame up yu self” (stay making your self sick).

nyaha1
Blogger
nyaha1

Talking about forgiveness, I have to admit I did something (probably lots of things) to someone. We were dating and I he was taking things to quick. He wanted for us to get married etc and I wasn’t ready. He went to school out of the state we lived, he asked me to pick him up from the airport and I knew if I did the long drive (his flight was coming in from NY and we lived in DC) home would be very long cause he wanted to get back together. I told him I wasn’t going to get him, he called me the day he got in yelling and pleading with me to pick him up. I felt bad but I also knew I would not get him. After that, he hated me. I tried to explain to him he said I hurt him. We ended up, talking again which I found out was part of his plan. So when I thought we were all good, he invites him to his house and breaks up with me. I was surprised as how much he was hurt that he would do such a thing. It was such a waste of time. I didn’t feel hurt at all, if anything I felt so bad that he felt so hurt that he would spend so much creating such a plan. I asked for his forgiveness and he would just find ways to hurt me. Eventually, I had to cut him off. His desire to hurt me (cause I hurt him) was just creating a shadow over him. I knew that he was never going to forgive me and I had to move on. Forgiveness is truly something you want to give, you can’t ask for it and truly get it. It is in the heart and has to come from the heart.

Yazzy
Blogger
Yazzy

Nyaha a don’t figet yuh baby love… a comin! It seems mi cyah multi task tideh but mi a deal wid O and den mi come to yuh

nyaha1
Blogger
nyaha1

Good for him, he is going to continue to experience the hell he has created.

nyaha1
Blogger
nyaha1

I agree, I don’t think he should get an excuse. What he did was just plain evil. How do you see a sick child you know and can help and do nothing. That is evil!

Yazzy
Blogger
Yazzy

Blessed day Obara, Nunu, Cami, Nyaha and all other sweeties and peepers.

Obara mi cyah tek it! I can’t change who I am and how I feel. Is like yuh a study mi and knew when to demand mi fi continue read. GOD!!!!! Mi cyah stop bawl!! him drive off and leff yuh wid di baby girl barely alive.. out inna dat deh cold de???? Caws di way how yuh descriptive wid di col’ mi FEEL it!!

Obara, yuh did deh wid a dawg shit! Not jus heny dawg shit to… di mungrel dawg shit dem weh fly a tek. Him was not human… why hanimal like dem deh yuh cyah neva see dead a road side??

Ty
Blogger

Hugs Yazzy…him was more than a load a shit…see me different, when I read, I never want bawl, I wanted to limb up him claat…Obara shoulda use my father ” bitch” and stab him up…him lucky Obara only sail plate after him…

Yes I have anger issues…

If I see him now, I elbow him in him throat … Cho….

Cami
Blogger
Cami

MORE HUGS FI YU Yazzy!

Cami
Blogger
Cami

You stay de, you have your area of strength too. I’m a weeper when I’m ready, I cry all when I’m happy, lol. My strength is not to ACCEPT…which is anything contrary to what I would want in any manner.

Yazzy
Blogger
Yazzy

Cami, mi hug yuh back!!!! Cami mi heart a hurt mi.. I jealous (good healthy jealous eenuh) of how tough you’re situation has made you. Mine has done the total opposite. .. mi is an emotional wreck and mi jus bawl and gwaan and at this point mi nuh bizniz…

nyaha1
Blogger
nyaha1

I was literally laughing out loud at the thought of siting down and sharing a hug LOL.

I thought I forgive my father until I meet him face to face LOL. He was very abusive towards my mother. My mother divorced him when I was young and I had to deal with cruel people making fun of me even ostracizing me because my parents were divorced. People can be so mean, I remember I couldn’t play with some children because their parents would not allow them to play with a child who did not have a father. Anyway before I got married it was required for me to meet with my father. I prayed, I meditated did everything I could to prepare myself. When we meet, my plan was to say little and just let the whole thing pass. I thought I forgive him. So anyway, as we are sitting down he starts lying. I absolutely DESPISE people lying. I would feel my blood boil. As I was sitting there I was praying to God, my ancestors to help me cause I was about to grab the knife on the table and stab him. I must have looked like I was about to do it, cause my uncle interprets him and I stand up and start yelling. I had so much anger all I saw was red. I was so mad at myself, I was mad cause this person who I had resolved to be a sperm donor had created so much pain in my life. In that moment I re-lived it all. I wanted to lash out, all my meditations meant nothing at that moment. I hated that feeling, I hated myself for feeling that way. I was “calmed” down. After the meeting, I cried like I had never cried before. I don’t know if I have forgiven him, I feel like I have. Needless to say, sitting down and sharing a hug was not the solution LOL

Ty
Blogger

Nyaha something’s and some persons cannot be forgiven…nor do the offenders want forgiveness…you just learn your lessons, release them and move on…that was their only purpose in your life…

Cami
Blogger
Cami

Again (do see wid me cause I’m out the box) I hope you see where I’m coming from about that false therapy “forgiveness”. You sat down with an offender only to be re-offended by his lying tongue and deceitful spirit. I’m certain that after you cried and unburdened your spirit you felt better and was able to move forward in order to progress. Pardoning one self spiritually is it for me.

Cami
Blogger
Cami

Good, I can bet that you and your spouse will have a strong home and relationship because you clear your own obstacle by emptying your spirit of the burden cast upon you, not by choice.

nyaha1
Blogger
nyaha1

I see what you saying and agree. That whole hug it out or whatever is superficial.

I will also add that sometimes when you get a spiritual remedy that seems useless, it can be so powerful. My situation with my dad was one of those. I had to do it. My thought was “just get this whole thing over with” and I am learning more and more why it was important (I am learning more about it today 😉 )

Lalibela A Nile (@Lalibela_Nile)
Blogger

Nyaha1, It is possible that you actually forgave your father; however, since your father is the same person who he was when you were a child; hence, his lying brought you back to a place that was not pleasing to you…

nyaha1
Blogger
nyaha1

makes sense 🙂

Lalibela A Nile (@Lalibela_Nile)
Blogger

I value my life and sanity too much to not forgive—to not forgive is a burden and I don’t want anything to do with such. Forgiving does not mean that I forget; I learn form all transgressions—however, I don’t hold on, I embrace my lessons and move on. Obara, you use the word cut-off and I would say that I distance myself from people who are not on my wavelength and mean me any good. Distancing myself is not a sign of not forgive. I do by into the need to keep on moving!

Never burden oneself with the act hating and resenting. Obara, who are these people—your in-laws? My God, they are truly heartless and wicked. I can’t believe that your children’s father would do such a think—I was shocked when I read that he drove off—he seem to be possessed or under a spell. I mean, why even bother to come if he had not intention to assist you? Even in your moment of pain/tears, you find room for humor, “Yazzy, you will read this whole entire post!”

nyaha1
Blogger
nyaha1

Hi Lalibela. That is the reason to forgive right there.

Cami
Blogger
Cami

Lalibela (Good day) O say “we” don’t read, but I skip over the baby daddy part because jah know I have nothing good to say and I don’t want to rehash the same question that Obara may have been asked countless times and a question she asked herself countless times when he was acting like him mumma. She already rationalize and answered the question when she look at his offsprings, her bright lights.

Bayyyyy Obara, see what reading the post does, dwlrln! Me a falla Lalibela and add “Yazzy, you will read this whole entire post!” lol

Cami
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Cami

All when me say later I am still here, lol. I’m in one of my moods.

nyaha1
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nyaha1

Cami, the suffering for me was re-living it, every time I had a thought of seeing the person, every time I would physically see them, every time I would go or do something that reminded me of the person or experience. The suffering is in your mind. The freeing came with forgiving myself for being in the experience. Once I did that which was a long painful process in its self. I didn’t feel the “suffering”, its like the act of forgiving let go of everything. For me it has little to do with the person that comes later and was for me at least, a small portion of forgiving.

Cami
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Cami

This is what I wanted to see all along, and here you have it “The freeing came with forgiving myself for being in the experience”, then Obara come with the other portion .”Now I know that some of them were my teachers” and the grand finale “Living with what they did to me made me a victim, and that I refused to be!”

These elements are what I aim for, not no sit down and share my tears with no offender and have dem give me that false “I’m sorry” or “I wish I didn’t”…yu mad!?

Although I didn’t know these words “The Yoruba says, cuss your enemies, do not pray or them!” This is how I LIVE.
Nyaha, Nunu and Obara you’ll know these are the elements but because onu have the Christian backstory to onu life onu have keep it conventional/proper, lololol

Yw!! Rope in wid the perception and Ty come with the meditation de fi me.

nyaha1
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nyaha1

Sorry, Obara Meji. I understand and feel so many of your stories.

Cami
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Cami

Good afternoon, NuNu and Nyaha.

Thanks for reminding me that I need to clear up my going away event. I don’t want no non-relatives and relatives I never like from morning mourning for me.

nyaha1
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nyaha1

I have had to forgive some monsters in my life. I learned that it was not for them rather it was for my growth and health. They choose to hurt me and I choose not to continue to hurt myself by staying in that place of suffering. Not forgiving was living that suffering again and again. I had to do it, I had to move on again it was for me not them. I didn’t tell them, don’t even care if they know LOL

My major forgiveness lesson was with an ex. He basically abandoned me, I didn’t have anyone to call or help me. I called him and he said he wouldn’t help me, hang up the phone and ignored my calls.I thought I was going to die. Needless to say I survived 🙂 The following day, I called him and cussed him out. He later came to me asking for me to forgive me etc. He was an asshole, he was a horrible example of a human being. I don’t even know how I would attract such a person. Long story short I stopped talking to him, stopped talking about him, stopped interacting with our mutation friends. To me, he stopped existing. Even though we worked in the same company and he would come to my office, I would completely ignore him. I would see him coming, leave my office and go to the bathroom. About a year later (he would come to my office every other day) I finally talked to him. I told him I needed him to stop. Whatever he did was his choice and he was interfering with mine to not see him. Some more time went by, we meet each other and I was surprised that I didn’t want to kill him LOL. I have seen him a couple times and the anger is gone. I hope the best for him in his life’s path. I don’t pray for him lol, I recognize that our meeting was purposeful. I learned a great life lesson-forgiveness. I did (and do) not want to experience such pain again. I came to peace with him and myself for going through it.

Cami
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Cami

I cannot understand the concept of suffering because you haven’t pardon/forgiven an offender. I understand all the terminologies but I will never comprehend the act described.

See you all later.

Lalibela A Nile (@Lalibela_Nile)
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In not forgiving, the ones, are holding on to negativity and akin to the karma reference, lack of forgiving causes the ones to not be able to complete their respective mission…

nyaha1
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nyaha1

Apologies, good day good people.

nyaha1
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nyaha1

Obara Meji, thank you for sharing your story. In sharing your experiences you really allow us to dig deeper into our own experiences and see the spiritual causes and reasons for them happening. For that, thanks.

NuNu
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NuNu

Good afternoon folks! Soon come mi gone read

Cami
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Cami

Morning Obara and all.

Let me repost what I wrote yesterday and mean always: “Forgiving someone is for mild offenses not offenses that tears me up inside and caused my life to go topsy-turvy. To each is own, but I’m not built like that”.

With the short version of why your mother-in-law is the way she is I cannot blame her for not forgiving her mother. See, the end result of that woman wickedness was to formulate a wicked spirit in that woman who in turn took it out on you and countless others; such is the degree of offenses that I shall never pardon. I will pretend that the offender don’t exist. But mind you… if they were on fire I would wish that water never reach them.

Again, some of us just built that way. Bitter? oh no, that is a fallacy in place to work on peoples conscience and to build up the schools of psychology. Here we learn about TRADITION and the patakis don’t tell of forgiveness when a diety has exalted his or herself. Even the conventional religions show that is jesus you ask for forgiveness from and not from those who exalt them self against “you”.

lolol, mood swinging.

Yw
Blogger

Mi see it. Full 100. Of the rules they want to lay out for us, I will be the one to pick what to follow. Do not try to guilt me into it (‘member sey mi hate manipulation)

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