As I slept last night, or I should say this morning, because it happened around 4am, I encountered what the world of science would call “sleep paralysis” or “REM sleep”. Although many people find relief when they realize that there is a scientific explanation of this phenomena, it does not soothe me, because I know with me, it is not the same. No scientist can explain or perhaps even understand what I go through when experiencing this, none of them can.
I always have to go back to my childhood in Jamaica, because it was after I became who I am that I realize that most of the experiences that I would have when I became an adult showed themselves to me as a child. This leads to my deja vu experience that I have sometimes. Let me give you an example before getting on with the subject at hand.
The wicked baby father and my own life while we lived together reminded me of Pet, a woman who lived in our tenement. She lived with her man and her two children in a room. She didn’t work but he did. The man looked like savage. He never smiled and had unattractive features which not smiling or having a pleasant look heightened those features and made him seem like a savage to me, a curious and sensible child. He used to beat Pet, who was short, (she missed being born a dwarf by a couple of inches, not being mean, just honest) with Indian features… well mainly her hair, not so much her features.
The wicked baby father did not beat me, but their tumultuous life, (Pet and de man), the way they quarrelled, (him mostly while beating Pet), who was short but tough like a rock fi tek dem breed ah man lick deh, he eventually left her alone with the children. She had it hard to even find food, my mother helped her until she moved away, but she cried night and day. Her suffering at the hands of Mr. Savage reminded me of what I went through with the wicked baby father (without the beatings of course). I saw glimpses of her life within my own, especially at times when I watched my children sleep dreading morning to come, because I knew not where the money would come from to feed them. Why do I dredge up these memories? A tear just splattered onto my laptop, and my eyes burn now because the moisturizer that I have on got into them as I rubbed the tear away. It doesn’t help that it is gloomy and dreary looking outside, dark and somber as I sit beside the window in my bedroom, looking out into my backyard typing. The rain seems to want to join me by falling its own water. Oore Yeye Osun o! (all praises to my mother Osun). Glimpses of my life as I watched my grandmother, when I was a little girl, pamper her daughter, (my mother’s junior sister, who lived in America and came to Jamaica for a visit) before my mother. My mother, who would smile weakly with pain filled eyes, feeling as rejected as I do when I am around her and she pampers my junior sister and never me. (Wisdom: This last sentence is an example of the Universal Law of Rhythm, which tells of everything going around in cycles).
Ok, enough of the examples, I know you have gotten the point, allow me to get on with the post.
While growing up I have always been plagued with “sleep paralysis”. Please note that I am using this word to be proper and for the better understanding of non-Jamaican people who would not understand my prefered way of describing it which would be “Duppy hol dung!” While I would love to let out a big market woman laugh here at “Duppy hol dung,” I will not because I do not want to take away from the seriousness of this post. From as far as I can remember I have always dreaded sleeping alone. When I experience “sleep paralysis” while sleeping I, like many of you, will hear my surroundings, and I am aware of what is going on. If someone tries to shake me out of it, I can feel and hear them, I just cannot respond. Last night something entered my room, it was a little after 4 in the morning when this thing came in. I usually know when these unwanted come in, because no matter how far away I am in the world of dreams and visions, I rush from where I am to join my body in order to wake up and fight if I have to. Many have made themselves my enemies and so I expect anything at all times. I am not one to be played with, however, my benevolence, even toward malevolent beings (I give them work, good work, and speak of them and their mission and place here among us, and so they raise an eyebrow at me whenever I have to pass through their “cities”, and give me clearance to go through. A good Spiritual Practitioner must be able to give a bad spirit a good work to do and it is done properly regardless of that beings malevolence) have earned me the respect and perhaps love (who are capable of giving it) of many warriors within the realms of time and space. Last nights own was a wayward, who decided to challenge, and got the beating of its life, spiritually. Since I began the online classes, some portals have been opened and the challengers have arrived. I have to gear up and strap up and be ready to combat these forces sent by human hands and also from beings who want to test me. Oonuh come nuh, lol. A fighter has to train always in order to stay fit and be in shape and prepared for battle. Below is an excerpt from a post on this site titled Sleep, read and enjoy.
When I was growing up in Jamaica, I always had some disturbances while I slept and it was not until I grew up and began to speak to other people of my experiences that I realized that many people had the same experience as myself, yet there was still something very different about my own.
At times I would be sleeping and I want to wake up and find that I cannot wake up, I am aware of my surroundings and I can hear what is happening around me, but I cannot wake up, I am sure many of you have experienced this. The feeling is horrible, it makes one feel as if one is going to die or suffocate, (I use the word one rather than me or I because what I wrote just now was negative and I did not want it directed to me), and often times I would struggle to wake up or if someone is there with me and they touch me, I would wake up right away.
For years I was afraid to sleep by myself. After I met one of my Mentors Mr. Mitchel (Iba Mr. Mitchel), he made a concoction for me and told me how to use it and it worked. Whenever I used it, I slept and there was no problem. There was a time, I became tired of making it and I tried to sleep on my own without its help, it started again. I spoke to many knowledgeable people none gave me an explanation. I remember once while it was happening to me and while I prayed in my mind for relief,I heard a voice tell me to relax, just relax it said,and your spirit will enter your body and all will be well.
When I woke up,I thought about what the voice said “relax and your spirit will enter into your body and all will be well”. Did that mean that my brain wakes up before my spirit can join the body and make me physically whole again? Is it that my spirit traveled and my brain within my warm body is active, just waiting for the spirit to enter? I tried to figure it out.
I began to realize that anywhere I slept and there was ghost there or spirit passing through, I would struggle to wake up. This I noticed when once I was sleeping at a guest on one of my visits to Jamaica. The guest house was ran by a Jamaican Indian woman. As I slept, I saw a beautiful Indian woman in white sitting on the couch across from my bed, I was asleep but I saw her and this was not a dream. She greeted me and I saw myself greet her as well. She had the red dot Indian women use in the center of her forehead, except hers was jewelry and it went straight into her forehead. She told me that she was a doctor and that her family was from New Deli, and that she was a doctor of Internal Medicine, which the owner of the guest house son is now studying to become.
We had a good chat and she left. In the morning I told the owner and she was quite surprised because she said the woman was indeed her grandmother and that she was a doctor, and that her son was in fact studying to become a doctor of internal medicine, she confirmed all that the woman told me. I was to sleep there for two more weeks,but I never had that problem again while I slept there. Before the woman spoke to me I remembered that I struggled to wake up, before remembering that I should relax, I relaxed and the woman materialized before me and we spoke.
It was from there that I began to realize that anywhere spirits were and I was there, they always wanted to communicate with me. I am a medium you see, and if I did as the voice told me and just relax, they would have their say and leave, but there are ones who come to fight and war at times, so all are not benevolent.
On Monday I will explain more deeply about what happens during sleep paralysis. I will give the spiritual, not scientific, breakdown of what this terrible experience is all about.
I love you all,
There are no disappointments in life only lessons learned!
Ọwọ́ ọmọdé ò tó pẹpẹ, ti àgbàlagbà ò wọ akèrègbè. /
A child’s hand can’t reach the shelf as an elder’s can’t enter a gourd.
[Everyone is crucial; no one can do it all, but together we can do more]
All religions are valid as long as it teaches peace and love…Obara Meji!