July 7, 2014 Obara Meji 106Comment

Yesterday I spoke to someone about my parents, and after our conversation I relaxed on my bed and began thinking about them. All my life I had known these two people and never in my life, not even on the television, had I ever seen love like theirs. They were never the lovey dovey kind of parents, as a matter of fact I have never seen them kiss. If I were to be honest, I wouldn’t want to. There is something about seeing your parents being intimate (and by this I mean kissing) other than holding hands, that you just do not want to see. When I was a young child I used to leave my room and sleep between them, and to this day I am still trying to figure out how my mother got pregnant with my younger sister. I played dolly house with older children, I knew how people got pregnant. I was a light sleeper, always afraid, so I would suck my thumb and curl up next to my mother and for years I was vexed with her and very upset with my dad for knocking up my mom. In my child’s mind they should not be doing such things.

Yesterday I smiled to myself as I remembered him, my father; a tall dark handsome man who himself would talk of his own mother and his love for her. She had eleven children and had given him away twice, but he had found his way back home never to leave her side again until he left to make his own family, but the love he clearly had for his mother touched my heart as a little girl whenever he spoke of her. She was the bastard daughter of a Sephardic Jew, whose family had migrated to Jamaica from Spain. Her mother worked for the man and his family and ended up getting pregnant for him, which of course he could not claim. His family were wealthy, but my grandmother grew up in poverty; she had no contact as far as I know with the father, only his looks. Growing up in Jamaica we were okay. My mom had a very good job at the University Hospital of the West Indies, she worked there as a theater room technician. My father was a carpenter/construction worker, and so he worked whenever work came, so my mother carried the household most of the time, and she seemed quite fine with it. Whenever daddy worked, often times he would go out of town and be away for several weeks. When he came back, he would buy new furniture, give us money, buy his records which he would play loudly every Sunday on our veranda on his ex-changer and we, the children, would gather around him and dance. He even bought a huge television once, probably a 65 inch standing television, which made us proud because we were the only ones in our neighbourhood to have such a large television, and everybody in our neighborhood came to watch it.

My mom was well respected throughout our community as well as my dad. He was the one who made the chilum pipe for the gambling yard commonly called a bong nowadays, used for smoking ganja which my father loved to do, and we loved the smell, don’t judge, this is Jamaica where even the police commissioner when he gets home probably roll a big head and blaze it up!  My mom, she cooked for all the dances held on the weekends in the gambling yard, which was next door to us, a better curried goat you have never had. To bring in more money, my mom would bake on the weekends and sell to the men and women in the community and in the gambling yard. She sold baked goods like sweet potato pudding, corn meal pudding wid de sud pon top, (had a soft buttery setting on top), greater cakes and cut cakes, the former was grated coconuts  formed together with a sweet sugary glaze and the latter a sweet brittle made from cut up coconuts. Both were sweet and delicious, and also some delicious toto, a coconut cake which looks like a huge biscuit. Whenever she baked them people would flock to our house to buy and in a short time, they were all finished.

I have had my ups and down with these two people who I  have loved ever since I can remember, and for the most part while growing up in America. I never had these feelings in Jamaica, I wondered if they loved me. It bothered me that we were not the closest. I took the “Honor thy mother and father” thing seriously. These two people were my idols, I loved them like crazy. When I got pregnant young and she drove me out, I went and I tried not to fault her or him, because I knew it was me who screwed up, literally. I was ashamed of myself then, and I prayed for their forgiveness. When I got with a Ganja man, the children’s father (try as I might to keep him out of every post this bad penny keeps popping up) I made sure to always have my fathers weed wrapped away for him, he smoked ganja hard, the race track and weed were his thing. Wow! here I am writing this and the last sentence about my father loving weed and the race track made me look back to Mr. Low grade and realized that he was my father, so the saying is true, girls DO look for their father when picking a man. Oh my God, I am having an Aha moment! read this post to know who Mr. Low grade is. My father would come to my shop and I would give him his money for track and his kushung peng (ganja) wrapped up for him to enjoy.

Our relationship was still rocky and I never felt comfortably around them whenever I visited or when there was some family function. The feeling of them not wanting me around was always present with me, and I have it still to this day. Whenever I am in their presence I end up crying, the feeling of rejection is always with me when they are around. It is very possible that these are things that I have to deal with emotionally, but I will one day, I am sure of it. I think, however, it is the sadness deep within that I have with how our relationship turned out. The undying love and affection that I have for them and I feel very awkward to even tell them this. I have since gotten over our past rifts and have moved on beyond that, the tears are regret of not having the closeness with them that I wanted. I thank God for my spirituality, because it was through learning things beyond  what we know here on this earth plane that I learned that I chose to be born through them and really that was it. I learned that we place too much time and emotions on blood and family ties when that bond really is not for everyone. I know what I am saying right now is very hard for some to understand and I am not saying that you must not love and be close with your family.

What I am saying is that we all are different and as you know, everyone here has their reason for being. I had often wondered why I loved these two people so much but whenever we are around each other sparks fly. It bothered me for a long time and I yearned for the closeness of family but it was never to be. Then after my first initiation, I realized that we all owed a karmic debt to each other and the only way for all of us to clear it was to be born within the same family, bonded by blood, we had to live with each other while it worked it self out. You pay your karmic debt at times through blood or contract. Blood meaning family, contract meaning first marriage. From you can say you were married (past tense), then that person was a karmic debt either of you had to pay. So often times when we do not have a family connection, like with me and my Jezebel sisters or my parents there is a greater spiritual meaning attached to it. Although my parents are alive and well, the only family I have are my children, no one else, blood family that is. So as I have stated before, it is very sad not to be able to have that family bond for some, but realize that something greater is at work and you have to pay attention to find the lesson there. If you trust, in time you will know.

This post came about this morning while I tried to gather my thoughts as to what topic to write on today. I am very honest and I share my emotions, whether happy or sad, take me as I am. I have not spoken to any of my sisters for sometime now, one of them (the senior one), it has been for years and I am not sad about it. There is another living in Jamaica which senior this one, I think she is nice but we have not contact, and the junior one, same mother and father, for quite a while now. The junior sister had always been the closest to me, and I tried to hold on to her because I remembered when I was going through my first initiation she was there with me, holding me up when I could not manage to walk by myself. I am an Aries and we have a very special trait which is loyalty, it can be a good trait and it can also be an obstacle. I have since stepped away from all of them with no regrets, but my mother and father, although I do not visit them often or even call for that matter they.  I will always hold close to my heart. How could I release them? I did not know how to do it. The only thing I could do to protect my feelings was stay away, but I saw them everyday, through meditation and in my dreams and while I prayed, they are always on my mind.

I love them. Pure and simple, I love them and regardless of what I went through, if I could, I would choose them all over again, the sisters are another case. On Friday  night, I received an email from the junior sister, which I was shocked to see, we had not spoken for a while and it seemed to me that it would remain so. The email told me to call her if I could right away since they had no way of contacting me otherwise. The time was late for me where I was, but early for her and so I called. She asked me when was the last time I spoke to our dad, and I told her some weeks ago. She went on to tell me that she just left his house and he discussed with her buying funeral plots, he wanted to ensure that he and our mother were beside each other or on top of each other, she said she asked him why was he talking like that and assured him that they both had plenty of time to do all those things, my father began to cry she said, and told her that this was what he wanted to do. He expressed to her that he wanted her and I to go along with him, when I got back home (my mother would not go) to pick out the plots and pay for them. I listened to her while she spoke, and of course my eyes grew misty. I sat up in my bed, in my darkened room with only the phones illumination and I could see my father and hear his somber voice. Something deep within me rejected what she was saying but something else spoke to me and said, “You have been getting these messages for a while now, and it seems as if your father is also preparing,” but I shook this daunting voice off, offended at its imposition.

I sat up in the bed and interjected her speech. I told her that I had been having dreams which suggested what he was saying, I could not bring myself to say the words, remember Word, Sound, Power. Me saying this to her produced tears from her, but I assured her that they will both be fine, she must not worry. I explained to her that what he said made sense and it was best to prepare from now for in the future. After we hung up, I went to my shrine and prayed very hard for them both. I am praying for them even as I write, I know they will be around for a long time, they are both healthy and they both live a simple and for the most part stress free lives. I wrote this post because I wanted to share some of my feelings here with you and to honor them both in my own way. They are alive and will remain so for a long time, but what she said to me of the plans that my father made, took me back to my childhood days in my beautiful Jamaica. It had me reading some of my old posts, when I saw how many times I wrote about them. I looked deep within me for the loving memories, of when mama would eat ice mints and I as a child would ask her for a piece from her mouth which she gave to me, or when Daddy would eat his dinner with me sitting on his lap eating with him, I was his NUNU, that was my nickname and I loved it. I would sit on the veranda sucking my thumb and looking in each bus and vans as they passed, looking for my mama to come home and when we, the children saw her in the bus we would shout and scream and jump up and down shouting “Mama Come”. My own daughters have told me the same, they told me that when I travel and am away from home for months, how they yearn for me and often times get sad wanting me to come home. How joyful they are whenever I call, how they love me so. I love my parents, and I will love them always and  forever!

Ọgbọ́n kìí tán láyé kí a wa lọ ọ̀run. /
Wisdom can’t be so exhausted in the world that one will go looking for it in heaven…..Yoruba Proverb!

[No impossibility; there is always a way out!]

 

All religions are valid as long as it teaches peace and love…Obara Meji

 

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106 Comments on "DOWN MEMORY LANE"

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EFOSA
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EFOSA

WHAT A WONDERFUL AND TOUCHING SUBJECT. THANKS A LOT.

Cami
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Cami

I’m going to have to wake early to keep up with you guys…lol. TY, see your hubby is on board and then we have Brenda…lol. This forum family is really inclusive which is EXCELLENT.

MTH
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Nunu mi Parri, fi get a little background on Brenda go to ‘Cats Re-visited’, May 28. Ty spoke about her. She was mentioned before that still.

NuNu
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NuNu

Arite mek mi guh introduce miself to Brenda (an har new man!)

MTH
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Wow Nunu!!! Topless nuh sound good. Mek Teach come decode that..

Brenda is Ty’s guard frog aka daughter. SHe visits Ty and spends sometime then leaves. This time she came back with men…Brenda a tun woman pan wi mi dear…

NuNu
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NuNu

S dat mi deh wonda M, mi hope a nuh disgrace, caws nudity usually mean shame

NuNu
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NuNu

Mi seh I had a vision dis mawning, my mother and I were in a restaurant and a little blonde girl came in, it look like she was looking for donations because she had a desease, I recognized her from earlier in the day as she had solicited donations from a friend I was with(I never saw any money exchange hands I just assume it’s a monetary donation)I said to her your name is Alicia isn’t it? And she said yes, and I said aren’t u suppose to give her (my mother)a homemade cookie? And she said yes, she then took a brownie and gave my mother. My mother started to cry and she touched the little girl in her back to get her attention and said to her you’re such a brave little girl and they both hugged each other and were crying( they were both topless when they hugged) and the hostess and patrons in tge restaurant upon seeing this started to pray and my mother said something like don’t worry yourselves (to the patrons) I am not trying to disrupt your meals, you don’t have to stop eating to pray
m

NuNu
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NuNu

Mawning Obara! YW join wi dis mawning yail up boss!! A whe dis Brenda come from? Unoo always a mention har?

Ty
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Hey Nunu, Brenda is frog that lives outside my front door…me call har my guard frog cause when ever someone come to the door late at night she present herself and give then the up and down look…she got di name Brenda cause she look like one of my husbands ex coworker whose name Is Brenda…this said coworker had a frog in a tank on her desk and I swear that they look alike… Our Brenda is always up to antics which I share and we laugh…

NuNu
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NuNu

Good Morning!

AMH
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Good Morning NuNu!!

NuNu
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NuNu

Hi A!

Tw/Yw
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Tw/Yw

Big up ES crew and all di peepers.
Family has always been a conundrum to me. I guess, in the grand scheme of things we are all one family (human). However, amongst our blood relations what does that mean? Some say blood thicker than water. Sadly, in my experience, that leads to “well I can do whatever I want to him(or her) and he/she will have to forgive me – because we are family”. Sorry, can’t subscribe to that. Then there is this obligation to always help even at your own detriment. For me, this leads to crab in a barrel syndrome. Add to that the fact that some people who are not blood treat us better than our “family”. So, where does that leave us? God forgive me if I am wrong in my outlook but: people are people and we treat them accordingly, myself included. In my opinion, this will lead us towards personal responsibility.

MTH
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Suh Bubblez, how yu did a gwan suh? LOL!!! Strong & steady & sti–?

kiabubblez
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kiabubblez

grung 🙂 loooool

kiabubblez
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kiabubblez

M mi seh lol trang n steadyyyyyyyyy *covers face* lol

MTH
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Trang conure up something erotic, sensual…Yu know wha, a betta mi stop…But Bubblez, between me and yu yu nuh waan nutten trang?

MTH
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Ok, doesnt trang kinda change everything???

kiabubblez
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kiabubblez

grung @ M n Obara! shi brite for tru afta her dawta nuh married eidda shi a fass ina my bizniz

MTH
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Bubblez, maybe shi have a trang bady nephew fi yu. Yu neva know…

Ty, mix that brew, mi wi drink….

kiabubblez
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kiabubblez

hahaha Obara nuh lol MTH i feel ur pain mi sista rukumbine & soldering mi need today todah todeh oooooo unno waa hear how mi elder neighbor ask mi nicely if mi av man. tru shi fass an neva si man a mi yaad. mi laff essi jus ask her if shi av a prospect in mind fi mi. yu waa hear how she silent then woooiieee

Ty
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Good answer mi sis…

MTH
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Every time him sey money, unno change it to sumting wey rhyme wid money

Ty
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Lol…me love me fambo…mi late fi work and de hay a rock and laugh…

MTH
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Gimme di ting wey di dacta doctor order… A long time mi nuh duh rukumbine and soldering. A wonda if mi still memba how fi dweet…

MTH
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Ty, respect….

I know we are joking and stuff…But do you all see the underlying message of family and love..I think we should send up some pray in that regard..

I respected YW because he was Ty’s hubby…However, mi start pree him as a good-yute wey day when he came on an braps, drop some deep inspiration pan Teach…Den last week Thursday, YW sey big up all mi fambo and from den till now mi caan dunl augh. Mi like YW…All dat fi sey dis, Ty & YW I wish you all the best and hope that you will always have joy, hope, peace, love and everything good you desire…

Tw/Yw
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Tw/Yw

Hold on…I promised I would not do this….but the emotions….the emotions are too strong…I won’t cry…. won’t………….Alright, I’m more composed now. MTH, I am honoured by your words. Thank you for your warmth and remember that it is returned threefold (because mi know yu like #3).

Ty
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Ase, Ase, ase

MTH
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When I told him that about the dream and it has something to do with him two-timing…He said nothing like that. I told him it was my second powerful dream. He denied, however something you said, HE said it same exact way. So I had to shake my head as I KNOW it is true…

Ty, mi nuh drink coffee, yu caan send some vodka fi mi den? Nuh watch time, mi drink whenever!!!!

Ty
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A bet u if a mek Irish coffee…coffee with baileys Irish u drink it…

3 shot a vodka your way my sis…it is after 6 pm somewhere…

MTH
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Teach, if you nuh want her come, juss drink some Rose-MaryTea…

Mek a gi unno dah joke yah (quick & fass)

Teach, maybe about 2 weeks now I kept hearing the song. However, Sunday in particular, I kept hearing it and I deduced that I was going to start dating again. As I am in a better place mentally to enter a relationship. I tookout my gym clothes and commit to start going back full time…Sunday, because I was so devasted I didnt eat much, just made protein shakes. Yesterday, I went easy on the food as I ‘know’ I am going to start dating and want to loose some weight.

This morning in about the 3 am bells, I felt myself being awoken, just to hear the song…I was so ‘happy’ cause mi swear a man mi a get…

Ty
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Grung…

MTH
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Teach, I spoke to my friend yesterday re the dream and he said nothing like that…However, a part of what you said he said it. I also saw the jealous thing played out insome of the things he was saying…

Mi haffi guhlook some sack clothes & ashes yah now…Mi nuh know what else fi duh…

Ty
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Mth we love u all the time…

MTH
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Thanks Teach..I hope dem confirm suh mi can include dem inna wi prayers and mention dem inna wi posts. Wey day mi sey to miself, how mi eva a big up Brenda an mi neva sey gun fire bout Ty’s boys…From time to time, I mightsend a shout out to Teach’s little daughter, but nuh mention (too too tuff) the others. Beg pardon…

MTH
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I am being stalked…Who should I report it to?I am being stalked by this song ‘Two less lonely people in the world’…A suh mi switch di radio stations, a suh disong fine mi…Diss morning, miinna mi deep deep sleep and is like smaddy wake mi up, when mi wake nuh dat song a play pan di radio…true, true a nuh lie mi a tell.

MTH
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Mi batty, just now when I was typing about the family I didnt see Bubblez & Teach’s comment…3 of us have basically the same thing…Powerful #3 and secondly we were all mentioning the family…If dat a nuh sign & wonder…

MTH
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Morning AMH…How are you? Kiss the baby for me…

Roll on on all the nieces & nephews on ES…

Obara-4 (2 nieces, 2 nephews)
Ty & YW-(2 nephews, 1 niece)
AMH & Cgoh-(1 niece)
Bubblez-(1 nephew)
Lalibella-(1 Niece)

Mi fambo (ascording to YW) We can start pray for the chilvren…Mi need fi cova dem…So if I left out anyone’s child, not intentional and if I didnt get the numbers correct, unno correct mi…

AMH
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We have two beautiful little girls in our family, I will kiss the little one and give the big one a big squeeze (sometimes she is too cool for mom kisses but I try to sneak them in anyway).

Ty
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Awww

kiabubblez
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kiabubblez

Ekaroooooooooo Obara, Ty, M how unno dis yah mawnin? Ty yu awrite mum mi did a look fi yu last night ina di post. figure yu did busy or tired from di long weekend. Love n light to you n urs always. Unno ears nuh ring a mawnin time before sunrise? lol nuff prayers an affirmations fi unno n ur families <3

Ty
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Ekaro emi oremi….

Hey Amh and Kia….

Me miss everybody yesterday, had a busy day then went to work out…long time me nuh work out and dis morning me a feel it….

Lawd thanks fi di prayers…mi nuh stop ring dem out fi unno too…

Good health, property, happiness, peace, and love…

MTH
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Hey Teach mi did dey a round a get mi kutchments togedda. Plus summer sch on in earnest. Drop off the little one etc. Mi did tired yu fret…Nuh sey nutten, mi soon sort out…Tan, mi did a ask question yesterday man. An when yu did a write the post, a me one numo did a hold di order. Mi did a juggle chune and ting….Yu memba!!!

MTH
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OMG! Mi did tink sey Brenda did a par wid har man and har step pickney. Cats doing it??? Don’t want to see that!!!

MTH
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Ekaro my friends….Ty nuff manners and respect…I was going thru the baby’s stuff on Sunday sorting out clothes for Summer Sch and said, ‘but a long time mi nuh ask fi Brenda’…Seet deh, Brenda get suh comfortable shi bring har man an har step-pickney…Brenda a di boss….

Just did my prayer for the enemies to be revealed… Have a great day my friends…

Ty
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Lawd a miss you all today…glad you back Cami…Mth I see you keeping us in check..I love it…Nunu big up… And kiss your mom for me and tell Cogh hi for me
..Kiab, May you be ever blessed… Yazzy we miss you can dun… Amh, we glad you here…Lady T wassup mum…Toy, my Ibeji, Nuff love always…Safo come back soon…

Our esteemed Mr. Nile, Oguntunde, and Shawnyrob, you all balance us and we glad you all are family…

Me miss any one? Forgive me if I did…

Peepers big up and keep checking in…

Obara Meji we love you caan done…it is post like these that makes us want to be better…people go thru many trials and at the end we make a conscious decision to be better or not and not to be bitter…you love unconditionally and thru this post give us yet another example of how to love…thank you..

Brenda is back and she have man… I see her today wid no one but two man…so a three guards me have now…lol…

AMH
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Thank you for thinking of me. I am glad I am here too.

Cami
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Cami

O me love when you write, but you have me a way with this. I’m here with you, and for you on this journey.

Hello fellow bloggers.

MTH
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My situation is a bit different. My mom always help my other sibblings, all older than I am…She says she knows I am a fighter and I will find away…I dont see me readily breaking my neck to do anything for her…I would assist her but I know that I wouldnt incur any debt to help her…I know I must release her..I think I need to ask for help in this area.

MTH
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Teach, say a man has children with a woman. He left the woman from she is pregnant. That woman has the child and the man has never acknowledge the child as his. The child knows that the man is his dad because him mom told him…

Years later, father is old and sickly and needs help and sends for help from the child he has had no form of ties to…

1. If that child refuses to assist in any way, is that child wrong

2. Could it be a karmatic debt (retribution as my mother loves to call it) on the dad

MTH
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Didnt see your response when I posted my last comment….

MTH
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Teacher children are taught to honour their parents, however do you think that a parent can do their child so much wrong that the child can not find it in his/her heart to forgive the parent…

MTH
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Teach, I laughed with you and I cried with you in this post…I laughed when I read about you screaming Mama, when you looked for your mom on the bus coming home. I know the feeling, I used to look out for my mom to come home on weekends…I dont have a good relationship with my mother either…

A thought that just came to mind…I knew this guy from back in the days. He was working at Blue Cross (I think it was called that at the time) and he was doing fairly well. His mom was in America and sent stuff for him on the regular. He got tired of Jamaica and wanted to be with him mom…Years came and went and his mom neither came nor sent for him. He went to England and over-stayed and made some other poor choices. He has not seen him mother the better part of 20 years…He was a grown man in his 20s when he left.He is so bitter towards his mom as he thinks she has not done anything/enough to help him…(he was an only child)…

NuNu
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NuNu

Good Afternoon, something about reading this post make me feel so sad. If it’s not immediate death or sickness what could it be? I think we should have that day fast one of these days like Ty suggested. I love how loving your parents seem to be towards each other Obara, I know you say things happen as they must but I wish that you all could be close, I understand though

MTH
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I know you love your parents, in time things will be better…I am happy that you have strong loving relationships with your children.

kiabubblez
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kiabubblez

🙂 the memories mek mi smile like i can see di gambling yaad n smell di icey mint. i agree with ur father in his purchasing of the plots. he wants to mek sure that he an ur mother are together forever more. i too am a planner an i talk with my mom alot about funerals n preparations.

Ty
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SO wonderful…I felt your emotion and prayers… Your love for your parents is admirable… I will keep you and them in prayers…

AMH
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Thank you Teacher, for sharing your love for your parents, it makes me want to get to my parents and hug them up a bit.

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