October 13, 2014 Obara Meji 104Comment

 

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I typed today’s post last night, and today as I got up to finish it, I do not know what I touched but everything erased from the screen. I sat here looking at the screen and I searched the board for the lost content which had reached over a thousand words but nothing! This is very hard for someone who cannot type such as myself, and I feel like crying as I type this, but I am reminded that there are no coincidences in life, everything happens for a reason, I will comfort myself with that thought.

My story began with me writing of when my family and I first came to America and how we were thrown out by my mother’s sister house, my Aunt who has since passed away. Iba Aunty Elaine! We had it rough for a time as we were in a new country and did not know anyone until my mother met upon an old friend Jimmy and his wife, who helped us find a place. Iba Jimmy, (Iba, is I pay homage to) who has also passed away. During those times, I, as a small child worried for my mother and us, how would we survive?. I had never wanted to leave my home Jamaica to came to America, but I was a child and had to do as my parents wanted.

Jimmy found us an apartment, my mother and older sister did odd jobs to make ends meet, and people who knew of our plight helped in any way they could. When I was sent out on my own, due to getting pregnant at a young age my mother told me to leave her house, I never forgot what was done to us when we migrated, and after how I was casted out of my mother house. I have always helped and sheltered anyone who needed it, often times not even knowing the person, I felt I had to, owing to my own experience.

I have experienced bad from doing good, because most people who I helped and assisted with shelter, food, money and clothes, sharing what little I had and to the risk of my then relationships (de baby father never liked that I was kind hearted and soft hearted, at the time I thought he was Satans General because of it, but he saw things which I was blinded to, I will give him that, only that!) yet they all never remembered me and what I did for them. Instead, most became enemies, without them and I having any quarrel, but them being not content with the fact that I helped them, most wanted to stay my responsibility, not wanting to try for themselves, to seek out life on their own, and after a while when they saw it not possible to lean on me always, they became my enemies.

There was a time when my mother had to forcibly remove a set of women I had taken in. Well it was one young lady who I had took in, but she sent for her friend to come also, and there was one who worked for me in my salon who also lived with me, moved right in on me. I had no idea at the time that the wicked baby father was upset about it, although he would ask me now and again when would they leave. I would defend them and tell him that they had no where to go and I could not put the out.

One day my mother had her friend call my house, unbeknownst to me, and threatened to send immigration over to my house for them, they packed out the very same night. I cried for them, and the wicked man was very happy. It seemed as if it was all planned by him and my mother. After they left, the women told everyone who would listen that I was wicked and evil, because I sent them packing, knowing that they had no where to go. O ma se O! me? No thanks did I get for helping these people out for two years of living with me, inconveniencing my self and my children in order to help them and that was the thanks I got, when I had no idea that it was even my mother who had done this, until months later when she told me she had her friend call.

They thought I was naive and easily taken advantage of because of my kind nature, these women never contributed to anything, I never asked, and to be extremely honest, I did not care. I just wanted to make sure that they were comfortable, because in my mind they were immigrants and I did not want them to suffer as we did when we came to America, or for anyone to go through what I went through after my mother told me to leave her house.

That was not the last time I sheltered somebody and the other outcome was the same. No thanks, just ungratefulness. I went above and beyond and was disappointed by them every time.  Now this is my blog, my story, and it is easy for me to create a story so I could look good and others look bad, But I assure you all, that I tell the truth, I gave all my heart and what I did not have and was rewarded with evil for lack of a better word.

I have since told myself that I will never shelter anyone again. It hurts, because I am naturally soft hearted and kind. I love to help and I hate for anyone to suffer. All that I went through in life, I would not want to see anyone go through the same or even worse. Yet my goodness often turn a sword to my bosom, and people I have assisted in life, felt that it was my duty and I was their responsibility forever. I had to draw a line, how many times would I go through the same thing. I love people but unfortunately there are many bad ones out there, and I have been stung by a lot of them.

There comes a time when you have to learn from your experiences. Learn from things that you have been through. No matter how you feel about a situation or about someone, you must think of yourself. Of course experience teaches wisdom, and there are some like me, who have been stung over and over and over again before learning, until I have now come to the realization that this that I am doing does not work for me.

I have told my children all of what I have been through, in detail, I have taught them a lot, and of course they, being my children have witnessed my pain at the hands of these people and then some. I am however very happy to say that they, make quick decisions when it comes to their lives, they allow themselves never to make the same mistake twice. Yet I never viewed any of these people, the ones I assisted as a mistake, I looked at each of them as individuals who were just not good people after I found out their true nature, and so I allowed myself to do it again and again, hoping each time that this one would be different, unfortunately for me, I had never met one who was different, they all ended up being the same.  Perhaps that was just my fate, and I had lessons to learn from these people, hard lessons I have to say, and I have learned them, I hope, yet in hindsight if I had it to do all over again, this part of my life, I would not.

I have been through being thrown of a home more than once, having no one to love and care for me, being pregnant young and being on my own with nobody, counting pennies while pregnant in hopes of finding enough to buy food, meeting horrible men who would become as my children fathers and their wicked evil families, having bad family members who were cruel and mean to me, going through a very rough awakening and more, all those I would do over again, If I had to (but please God do not make it so), however meeting these people who needed help and giving help to them and having them turn on me, hurt me, betray me, giving me bad for the good I gave, I would not want to go through that again, in this life or any other, and I do not wish it for anyone. I have met some awful people, I even married one.

Utilize wisdom, do not make excuses for people. Whenever you see a persons personality, when they show themselves to you, believe them, no matter their condition and circumstances do what you know best, listen to you true spirit. My Aunt threw us out because someone told a lie on me, and she believed, when my mother and sister defended me, she told us to leave. In doing that, I now realize that she did her duty and sent for us to come to America. Throwing us out for whatever reason was something that she had to do, so that we could find ourselves in a new country, she could not carry us.Yet because of what she and my mother did to me, I decided that I would not see someone who needed help and not help them, all this stemming from my own bad treatment, but I had to learn that we all have our own lives to live. You cannot not save or help everyone. There are times when you have to put yourself first, it is not being selfish, it is about survival and also loving yourself enough to make YOU, happy, do not allow yourself to be a victim, there are times when being kind can become a sword to your own bosom, take heed.

Add your own story, or what ever life lesson you wish to share here.

 

Kó wá kó lọ niyì òṣùpà tóṣùpá bá ti dàrànmọ́jú kò níyì mọ́. /

It’s more honourable for the moon to show up and recede; it loses honour, when it is static and unreceding…..Yoruba Proverb!

[Familiarity breeds contempt; what is unduly available loses value]

All religions are valid as long as it teaches peace and love…..Obara Meji!

There are no disappointments in life, only lessons learned…..Obara Meji

life-lessons-17

“And once the storm is over, you won’t remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won’t even be sure, whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm, you won’t be the same person who walked in. That’s what this storm’s all about.”
Haruki Murakami

“No matter how much suffering you went through, you never wanted to let go of those memories.”
Haruki Murakami

“Only the dead have seen the end of war.”
Plato

We are addicted to our thoughts. We cannot change anything if we cannot change our thinking.”
Santosh Kalwar,

 

 

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104 Comments on "LEARN FROM YOUR LIFE EXPERIENCES-THEN TEACH FROM THEM"

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Tremendous things here. I am very satisfied to see your article.

Thank you a lot and I’m having a look forward to touch you.
Willl you kindly drop me a mail?

muff
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muff

I personally think that God give us the same lesson until we learn from it.

Obara Meji
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I agree muff

NuNu
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I respect you guys alot ie nuh man! Unoo go through so much without support of family and some of unoo wid kids! I can’t even imagine!

Ty
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People often mistake kindness for weakness but it is not…when you give with no expectations and from your heart…it is a strength…

The key is to keep it moving…

Ty
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Now my thing is to with each encounter figure out what is the lesson to be learned… Get the lesson and move on ….

I keep very few people in my space…I am cordial to many…I am loyal to a bone, I love deeply but have chosen to do this wisely…

NuNu
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I learn from other people’s experiences Ty, cause mi nuh really live much life miself, I see what people go through when they make certain mistakes and use it as a guide( even though it doesn’t necessarily mean the same thing woud hhappen to me if I went the same route)

Ty
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That is so wonderful about what Obara created here…we can share, learn, vent, pray and love….

We learn from everyone and everything…

Ty
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For years, I had a heavy heart for my mom…I resented that she left me, her only child by herself… I am now grateful for her deed…because it made me who I am…I am independent, and can think quickly on my feet…this I learned by being on my own…so she did me a favor and I am grateful…

Ty
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I like Obara, have been on my own from a young age…I was forced to depend on my ori, trust it, and allow it to stare me…everytime that I have gone against it, I have met evil…all the time that I have trusted my ori, I have been victorious…

I am cautious of people…I watch, analise, and then trust…people can pretend for only so long, with time, they show you themselves…

NuNu
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So true Ty! Even if is a glimpse, you’ll see something, but then sometimes the mask comes back on and you wonder if maybe you misjudged them. Hey yuh have some skill people out deh ie nuh!

kiabubblez
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kiabubblez

Yes Nunu but in that quick glimpse yu must always folllow ur ori. As dem tru self was revealed for a reason. Like Cami said earlier we rationalize to suit ur ideal.

Ty
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Yes Nunu, dem out there Nuff…and when they see you they want to transfer their nasty negative energy on you and take some of your positive energy…

My prayer is that I can spit them quickly and keep it moving…

Ty
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My story dem Nuff…I have had many teachers but learned along the way not to be them…most we’re placed in my life to show me how humans can be when hatred, bad mind, and envy lurks and dwell within…I refuse to be them…I chose to walk in love and light…

I have learned to do things, chose my words, my love….on my accord…never at the will of others…I learned that you have power and when you allow people to change you, you transfer your energy, power, and love…and if not careful take on their negativity….

kiabubblez
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kiabubblez

Hey Nunu mi jus dida guh ask fi yu enuh. I drink the cinnamon n honey tonight ummm wah it fah again Nunu lool

NuNu
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kiabubblez
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kiabubblez

Cool Nuns thx

kiabubblez
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kiabubblez

Night Charles hey Courts Yazzy yaz hey yu! Obara the post never boring mama it gives us more insight to the person u are n the trails youve endured. Singing…Yu stronger now, dem cyaa break yu now! lol It also made me reflect ob my storms. Mi did av a dutty man whey mi tink dat storm neva did aguh die out or pass ova. Mi seh yazzy gilbert never have nuten pon di dutty ol nay#*%(yea that wud)! Lets just call that time…sleeping with the enemy smh

Yazzy
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Yazzy

Hottaz Bubblez… yuh tan good. How u mami? Mi see yuh slaughtereth it uppa tap! Same suh mi gallie!

Courtney
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I know sigh….. It is getting smaller the list and I’m not as quick to open it up but i just want to expose thIs one man ………but I have atleast decided not to use his name just my experience like obara said to teach others

Courtney
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Hola ppl I am back again holiday in the Bahamas yay! Took some time out for me let my phone die and read two e books.. All is well in my world now lmao

Obara you good. I pray as I grow I have as much forgiveness and understanding. I have always had an issue with revenge but I’m learning to be more at ease and look at my part in every experience or lessons I’m supposed to learn. My black list still have a few names though (work in progress)

Yazzy
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Yazzy

Rhatid Courtney seh she black book! Courtney bun it up man… and bun dem up wud it… a dat name release

charles206
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Gud evening Obara and ES crews, I feel for you Obara, I guess God allowed you to pass through those experiences so you will be able to teach us well. From your story, I have learned forgivess,patience. Most importantly believe it will end well no matter, your challenges in life. Thanks for sharing your life experiences with us. Truly you have a strong shoulder.

Yazzy
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Yazzy

Howdy Charles. I really like your demeanor …

charles206
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Thanks Yazzy, am fine. Good morning

kiabubblez
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kiabubblez

Greetings fambo Obara , large up!!!
“And once the storm is over, you won’t remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won’t even be sure, whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm, you won’t be the same person who walked in. That’s what this storm’s all about.”
― Haruki Murakami
Truer words have never been written or spoken…ive had some mighty storms n walked out stronger n more knowledgable. Things that were tolerated bfore…i aint having that [email protected] now!!! I still go through but im quicker to cut ppl off now or totally avoid them. If we listen to our spirit/ori more it will save most some heartache.

Ty
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Goodnight everyone, I love that quote Kia, I will definitely be using that one…

kiabubblez
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kiabubblez

Night Ty yes once i saw it, i knew it sumed up my storms.

Yazzy
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Yazzy

Bitter sweet post Obara but I like the lessons from it and I love the quotes at the end.

My fav is “there are no disappointments in life, only lessons learned” ~ Obara Meji. I swear every time there’s some type of negativity lurking or I dig myself out of a suppressed rut, my resiliency humbles me and I chant that quote….

The ordeals and experiences are very painful sometimes but I guess we can’t always be sheltered and cushioned with love always. I guess sometimes we gotta be exposed to tragedy, pain, betryal, sufferation, suppression to appreciate peace. There are some experiences I would, just as you Obara, never wish to recur or relive …. but I respect the experience for its wisdom and its lesson gained from it… as it is only thru these awful experiences that one gains wisdom for them self and for someone else.

Thanks for the platform to vent our mistakes, as well as, to learn from yours and others mistakes.

Courtney
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Yup I’ve learned to accept people and where they are at in life

Obara Meji
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Nunu I swear, I cried the day it happened,but I never resented her, when my mother said leave, I felt sorry for myself because I had no where to go and I was sad, but if she had sent me to the shop or guh wash har clothes at the same time I would have done it! I was at her house when I went into labor and I did not know it was labor nor did I know what to do, uncle Ken who use to try to advantage me but I did not allow it, I stood up to him and he got scared and backed down, just happened to come by that night, my mother asked him if he could take me to the hospital,he took me, nobody came with me, this was the Tuesday night, I had baby the Thursday evening, thanks giving day, me alone the doctors and god and my baby. Nobody came, but I have never been mad at her for what she did, and NuNu I really do not know why, my brain went into how to survive from here mode I guess

Obara Meji
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Àṣẹ

Toy
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Obara you are strong. Your mom didn’t even have a little soft spot. Did your father feel bad for you and give you a little something when your mom wasn’t around?

NuNu
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More dan good. Mi sure you prove yourself to everybody by surviving on your own. Dem might nuh seh nutten to you but them si

Cami
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Cami

Yu good.

NuNu
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Obara even though your aunt kicked you out because she believed a lie, did you resolve your issue before she passed? Did you resent her ?

Toy
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Morning everyone, I am so loyal to people in my life. I started to feel like I was in bondage, because saying no to people is something that was hard for me to, it is still a struggle at times, but everyone doesn’t deserve kindness. Users smell your kindess and take advantage.

Cami
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Cami

Hey Toy. Users have a radar, lol.

Toy
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Yes Cami, they smell our sweet blood.lmao

NuNu
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Amen Toy! Some people don’t have a conscience, and will use you up if the opportunity presents itself

Cami
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Cami

I’ve accept that humans are what they are, I treat people the way I want to be treated and how they treat me. This goes right back to that “forgiveness” post.

Toy
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For real!

NuNu
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I need to learn to pay attention more and focus on what’s going on around me. People are so tricky you can’t take them at face value sometimes, they can be that good at disguising their true selves. That’s troubling, isn’t it? Yuh coulda well deh walk eena harms way and nuh have a clue!

Cami
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Cami

You got clues, but rationalize them to suit your ideal.

NuNu
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Good afternoon folks! You have to be ever so careful of people, ‘friends’ sometimes ‘ family’ too. I learn that not every smile has a good intention behind it.

Toy
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Yep Nunu

Obara Meji
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Yuh darn right Nunu

Cami
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Cami

lol, Thanks.

Obara Meji
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Cami ooooo de prayer sticky up! Ah you ah de bosssss, lol

Cami
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Cami

I know for a fact that I’m a magnate to users. I have so much experience of hurt that I am just rude without notice when I perceive a wrong.

Courtney
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Courtney

Good Morning ES fan

I learnt this lesson in relation to “friends”. I was having a fashion show at the Red Rose Ball my first ready to wear collection, I had created the Egyptian themed line and was in preparations for the show. My brother who was on the committee at that time was so concerned that he would be embarrassed by me which to this day I never understood. I may not be a lot of things but when it comes to the arts yah girl is talented. So a few days before the show usually my best friend K would be there to help. I am like most artist scatter brained when it comes to details so I tried heavily on her for this. I had asked her a month in advance fir assistance and she agreed. I found it strange that the day before I hadn’t heard from her and everything that could go wrong did.the dj gave me music that I couldn’t use. The two makeup artist that I hired flaked and ran on with some shit. My big sister was out of town and the only person I had to lean on was my younger cousin who never left me. I was on three.days no sleep feet swollen and doing it by myself. The girl called me the morning of and said she had to get her hair braided so she would try to make it. I told her don’t bother because she never had intentions of coming in the first place. She usually would help with the models etc and she knew she would be practically handicapping me and gave me no notice or indication she wouldn’t be able to do it. She continued to run on and I ignored her. I always learn things the hard way and in the midst of all that I got one message it was like a viel lifts up an d I’m viewing my experience from a vantage point far away loud and Clear. I can’t take anyone where I’m going and all I had and needed was the family I chose.I am the kind of friend that will give my Friends the clothes off my back always reliable. I was so hurt and she had nerve to tell me I was lucky she checked on me at all. So after I ripped her a new ass I distanced myself completely. I can never keep female friends my sister often remarks on it I intimidate alot them by my confidence and strength I was always detached and will cut people off and don’t look back, but I find it necessary, like Obama said people will use you if you allow and its the kindest of us who suffer the most.

Cami
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Cami

When you dealing with a life event that means a lot to you…you have to depend on no one but yourself. You can delegate to others but the end result is on you.

Toy
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Yes Cam

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