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120163_20130706_094238_hurt

I typed today’s post last night, and today as I got up to finish it, I do not know what I touched but everything erased from the screen. I sat here looking at the screen and I searched the board for the lost content which had reached over a thousand words but nothing! This is very hard for someone who cannot type such as myself, and I feel like crying as I type this, but I am reminded that there are no coincidences in life, everything happens for a reason, I will comfort myself with that thought.

My story began with me writing of when my family and I first came to America and how we were thrown out by my mother’s sister house, my Aunt who has since passed away. Iba Aunty Elaine! We had it rough for a time as we were in a new country and did not know anyone until my mother met upon an old friend Jimmy and his wife, who helped us find a place. Iba Jimmy, (Iba, is I pay homage to) who has also passed away. During those times, I, as a small child worried for my mother and us, how would we survive?. I had never wanted to leave my home Jamaica to came to America, but I was a child and had to do as my parents wanted.

Jimmy found us an apartment, my mother and older sister did odd jobs to make ends meet, and people who knew of our plight helped in any way they could. When I was sent out on my own, due to getting pregnant at a young age my mother told me to leave her house, I never forgot what was done to us when we migrated, and after how I was casted out of my mother house. I have always helped and sheltered anyone who needed it, often times not even knowing the person, I felt I had to, owing to my own experience.

I have experienced bad from doing good, because most people who I helped and assisted with shelter, food, money and clothes, sharing what little I had and to the risk of my then relationships (de baby father never liked that I was kind hearted and soft hearted, at the time I thought he was Satans General because of it, but he saw things which I was blinded to, I will give him that, only that!) yet they all never remembered me and what I did for them. Instead, most became enemies, without them and I having any quarrel, but them being not content with the fact that I helped them, most wanted to stay my responsibility, not wanting to try for themselves, to seek out life on their own, and after a while when they saw it not possible to lean on me always, they became my enemies.

There was a time when my mother had to forcibly remove a set of women I had taken in. Well it was one young lady who I had took in, but she sent for her friend to come also, and there was one who worked for me in my salon who also lived with me, moved right in on me. I had no idea at the time that the wicked baby father was upset about it, although he would ask me now and again when would they leave. I would defend them and tell him that they had no where to go and I could not put the out.

One day my mother had her friend call my house, unbeknownst to me, and threatened to send immigration over to my house for them, they packed out the very same night. I cried for them, and the wicked man was very happy. It seemed as if it was all planned by him and my mother. After they left, the women told everyone who would listen that I was wicked and evil, because I sent them packing, knowing that they had no where to go. O ma se O! me? No thanks did I get for helping these people out for two years of living with me, inconveniencing my self and my children in order to help them and that was the thanks I got, when I had no idea that it was even my mother who had done this, until months later when she told me she had her friend call.

They thought I was naive and easily taken advantage of because of my kind nature, these women never contributed to anything, I never asked, and to be extremely honest, I did not care. I just wanted to make sure that they were comfortable, because in my mind they were immigrants and I did not want them to suffer as we did when we came to America, or for anyone to go through what I went through after my mother told me to leave her house.

That was not the last time I sheltered somebody and the other outcome was the same. No thanks, just ungratefulness. I went above and beyond and was disappointed by them every time.  Now this is my blog, my story, and it is easy for me to create a story so I could look good and others look bad, But I assure you all, that I tell the truth, I gave all my heart and what I did not have and was rewarded with evil for lack of a better word.

I have since told myself that I will never shelter anyone again. It hurts, because I am naturally soft hearted and kind. I love to help and I hate for anyone to suffer. All that I went through in life, I would not want to see anyone go through the same or even worse. Yet my goodness often turn a sword to my bosom, and people I have assisted in life, felt that it was my duty and I was their responsibility forever. I had to draw a line, how many times would I go through the same thing. I love people but unfortunately there are many bad ones out there, and I have been stung by a lot of them.

There comes a time when you have to learn from your experiences. Learn from things that you have been through. No matter how you feel about a situation or about someone, you must think of yourself. Of course experience teaches wisdom, and there are some like me, who have been stung over and over and over again before learning, until I have now come to the realization that this that I am doing does not work for me.

I have told my children all of what I have been through, in detail, I have taught them a lot, and of course they, being my children have witnessed my pain at the hands of these people and then some. I am however very happy to say that they, make quick decisions when it comes to their lives, they allow themselves never to make the same mistake twice. Yet I never viewed any of these people, the ones I assisted as a mistake, I looked at each of them as individuals who were just not good people after I found out their true nature, and so I allowed myself to do it again and again, hoping each time that this one would be different, unfortunately for me, I had never met one who was different, they all ended up being the same.  Perhaps that was just my fate, and I had lessons to learn from these people, hard lessons I have to say, and I have learned them, I hope, yet in hindsight if I had it to do all over again, this part of my life, I would not.

I have been through being thrown of a home more than once, having no one to love and care for me, being pregnant young and being on my own with nobody, counting pennies while pregnant in hopes of finding enough to buy food, meeting horrible men who would become as my children fathers and their wicked evil families, having bad family members who were cruel and mean to me, going through a very rough awakening and more, all those I would do over again, If I had to (but please God do not make it so), however meeting these people who needed help and giving help to them and having them turn on me, hurt me, betray me, giving me bad for the good I gave, I would not want to go through that again, in this life or any other, and I do not wish it for anyone. I have met some awful people, I even married one.

Utilize wisdom, do not make excuses for people. Whenever you see a persons personality, when they show themselves to you, believe them, no matter their condition and circumstances do what you know best, listen to you true spirit. My Aunt threw us out because someone told a lie on me, and she believed, when my mother and sister defended me, she told us to leave. In doing that, I now realize that she did her duty and sent for us to come to America. Throwing us out for whatever reason was something that she had to do, so that we could find ourselves in a new country, she could not carry us.Yet because of what she and my mother did to me, I decided that I would not see someone who needed help and not help them, all this stemming from my own bad treatment, but I had to learn that we all have our own lives to live. You cannot not save or help everyone. There are times when you have to put yourself first, it is not being selfish, it is about survival and also loving yourself enough to make YOU, happy, do not allow yourself to be a victim, there are times when being kind can become a sword to your own bosom, take heed.

Add your own story, or what ever life lesson you wish to share here.

 

Kó wá kó lọ niyì òṣùpà tóṣùpá bá ti dàrànmọ́jú kò níyì mọ́. /

It’s more honourable for the moon to show up and recede; it loses honour, when it is static and unreceding…..Yoruba Proverb!

[Familiarity breeds contempt; what is unduly available loses value]

All religions are valid as long as it teaches peace and love…..Obara Meji!

There are no disappointments in life, only lessons learned…..Obara Meji

life-lessons-17

“And once the storm is over, you won’t remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won’t even be sure, whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm, you won’t be the same person who walked in. That’s what this storm’s all about.”
Haruki Murakami

“No matter how much suffering you went through, you never wanted to let go of those memories.”
Haruki Murakami

“Only the dead have seen the end of war.”
Plato

We are addicted to our thoughts. We cannot change anything if we cannot change our thinking.”
Santosh Kalwar,

 

 

104 COMMENTS

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Blogger
5 years ago

Tremendous things here. I am very satisfied to see your article.

Thank you a lot and I’m having a look forward to touch you.
Willl you kindly drop me a mail?

muff
Blogger
muff
6 years ago

I personally think that God give us the same lesson until we learn from it.

Obara Meji
Blogger
6 years ago
Reply to  muff

I agree muff

NuNu
Blogger
6 years ago

I respect you guys alot ie nuh man! Unoo go through so much without support of family and some of unoo wid kids! I can’t even imagine!

Ty
Blogger
Ty
6 years ago

People often mistake kindness for weakness but it is not…when you give with no expectations and from your heart…it is a strength…

The key is to keep it moving…

Ty
Blogger
Ty
6 years ago

Now my thing is to with each encounter figure out what is the lesson to be learned… Get the lesson and move on ….

I keep very few people in my space…I am cordial to many…I am loyal to a bone, I love deeply but have chosen to do this wisely…

NuNu
Blogger
6 years ago
Reply to  Ty

I learn from other people’s experiences Ty, cause mi nuh really live much life miself, I see what people go through when they make certain mistakes and use it as a guide( even though it doesn’t necessarily mean the same thing woud hhappen to me if I went the same route)

Ty
Blogger
Ty
6 years ago
Reply to  NuNu

That is so wonderful about what Obara created here…we can share, learn, vent, pray and love….

We learn from everyone and everything…

Ty
Blogger
Ty
6 years ago

For years, I had a heavy heart for my mom…I resented that she left me, her only child by herself… I am now grateful for her deed…because it made me who I am…I am independent, and can think quickly on my feet…this I learned by being on my own…so she did me a favor and I am grateful…

Ty
Blogger
Ty
6 years ago

I like Obara, have been on my own from a young age…I was forced to depend on my ori, trust it, and allow it to stare me…everytime that I have gone against it, I have met evil…all the time that I have trusted my ori, I have been victorious…

I am cautious of people…I watch, analise, and then trust…people can pretend for only so long, with time, they show you themselves…

NuNu
Blogger
6 years ago
Reply to  Ty

So true Ty! Even if is a glimpse, you’ll see something, but then sometimes the mask comes back on and you wonder if maybe you misjudged them. Hey yuh have some skill people out deh ie nuh!

Ty
Blogger
Ty
6 years ago
Reply to  NuNu

Yes Nunu, dem out there Nuff…and when they see you they want to transfer their nasty negative energy on you and take some of your positive energy…

My prayer is that I can spit them quickly and keep it moving…

kiabubblez
Blogger
kiabubblez
6 years ago
Reply to  NuNu

Yes Nunu but in that quick glimpse yu must always folllow ur ori. As dem tru self was revealed for a reason. Like Cami said earlier we rationalize to suit ur ideal.

Ty
Blogger
Ty
6 years ago

My story dem Nuff…I have had many teachers but learned along the way not to be them…most we’re placed in my life to show me how humans can be when hatred, bad mind, and envy lurks and dwell within…I refuse to be them…I chose to walk in love and light…

I have learned to do things, chose my words, my love….on my accord…never at the will of others…I learned that you have power and when you allow people to change you, you transfer your energy, power, and love…and if not careful take on their negativity….

kiabubblez
Blogger
kiabubblez
6 years ago

Hey Nunu mi jus dida guh ask fi yu enuh. I drink the cinnamon n honey tonight ummm wah it fah again Nunu lool

NuNu
Blogger
kiabubblez
Blogger
kiabubblez
6 years ago
Reply to  NuNu

Cool Nuns thx

kiabubblez
Blogger
kiabubblez
6 years ago
Reply to  Obara Meji

so shall it be ASE

NuNu
Blogger
6 years ago
Reply to  kiabubblez

Evelin’ folks mi deh read di comments and ketch up

Yazzy
Blogger
Yazzy
6 years ago
Reply to  Obara Meji

Ok Obara. Will do. 19, PLEASE stay strong!

kiabubblez
Blogger
kiabubblez
6 years ago
Reply to  Obara Meji

Will do 19,Large up. Hope u earthstrong did nice n filled with love n enjoyment. New name happy belated birthday

Ty
Blogger
Ty
6 years ago
Reply to  Obara Meji

19, May the mighty forces of heaven, the universe and the Orishas converge on you…let all obstacles be removed…let your ancestors step up on your behalf to the elders for your cause… All will and SHALL be good…ASE!!!

19
Blogger
19
6 years ago
Reply to  Obara Meji

Thanx aunty, yazzie, Kia, TY n the rest of the fam for all ur support n prayers….

Yazzy
Blogger
Yazzy
6 years ago
Reply to  Obara Meji

Oh Gawd! Nuh gimme dem visual deh again Obara… yuh hurt mi heart… dry yuh tears. Sometime those same situation teach us to have a backbone.. maybe those ppl can identify us quickly caz we spine mussi did ben… as long as they can no longer see you as a victim… they can’t hurt you anymore. And if you can not be a victim but still retain love compassion and empathy… you’ve already won

kiabubblez
Blogger
kiabubblez
6 years ago
Reply to  Obara Meji

Yu like my song i sing for yu looool its for me too Yu stronger now, dem cya break yu now” yea i wrote it for all survivors…survivors of every injustice.
Yazzy slaughtereth yu kno yu nuh easy enuh looool

Yazzy
Blogger
Yazzy
6 years ago
Reply to  kiabubblez

Kia thanks for the song. My name is Yazzy and I am a SURVIVOR!

kiabubblez
Blogger
kiabubblez
6 years ago

Night Charles hey Courts Yazzy yaz hey yu! Obara the post never boring mama it gives us more insight to the person u are n the trails youve endured. Singing…Yu stronger now, dem cyaa break yu now! lol It also made me reflect ob my storms. Mi did av a dutty man whey mi tink dat storm neva did aguh die out or pass ova. Mi seh yazzy gilbert never have nuten pon di dutty ol nay#*%(yea that wud)! Lets just call that time…sleeping with the enemy smh

Yazzy
Blogger
Yazzy
6 years ago
Reply to  kiabubblez

Hottaz Bubblez… yuh tan good. How u mami? Mi see yuh slaughtereth it uppa tap! Same suh mi gallie!

Courtney
Blogger
6 years ago

I know sigh….. It is getting smaller the list and I’m not as quick to open it up but i just want to expose thIs one man ………but I have atleast decided not to use his name just my experience like obara said to teach others

Courtney
Blogger
6 years ago

Hola ppl I am back again holiday in the Bahamas yay! Took some time out for me let my phone die and read two e books.. All is well in my world now lmao

Obara you good. I pray as I grow I have as much forgiveness and understanding. I have always had an issue with revenge but I’m learning to be more at ease and look at my part in every experience or lessons I’m supposed to learn. My black list still have a few names though (work in progress)

Yazzy
Blogger
Yazzy
6 years ago
Reply to  Courtney

Rhatid Courtney seh she black book! Courtney bun it up man… and bun dem up wud it… a dat name release

Yazzy
Blogger
Yazzy
6 years ago
Reply to  Obara Meji

Obara did someone hurt you recently??? This sounds fresh. Mek mi know if mi too fass… but I’m just concerned… Obara the ability to be able to cut off smaddy real quick and fass… jus chap dung and bub dung di bridge is really a damn good survival mechanism and it works Hella well! It works well tho ONLY if you were wronged… but if a you do di wrongs a brite wi too brite and nuf… but I find that most ppl that were hurt as kids or at vulnerable times in their lives.. and learn how to quickly… Read more »

charles206
Blogger
6 years ago

Gud evening Obara and ES crews, I feel for you Obara, I guess God allowed you to pass through those experiences so you will be able to teach us well. From your story, I have learned forgivess,patience. Most importantly believe it will end well no matter, your challenges in life. Thanks for sharing your life experiences with us. Truly you have a strong shoulder.

Yazzy
Blogger
Yazzy
6 years ago
Reply to  charles206

Howdy Charles. I really like your demeanor …

charles206
Blogger
6 years ago
Reply to  Yazzy

Thanks Yazzy, am fine. Good morning

Yazzy
Blogger
Yazzy
6 years ago
Reply to  Obara Meji

Obara what happens when we learn from our mistakes but the same lessons keep revisiting us? Like a magnetic pull? Or some would say a generational/ancestral curse? Is there such a thing?

Yazzy
Blogger
Yazzy
6 years ago
Reply to  Obara Meji

No man. Di post dem never boring eenuh, in my opinion … mi have yet to come across a boring post done by you.. and dis is not fi swell yuh head.. is di God almighty truth…

I think they will be on momentarily … lately I’ve noticed that everyone congregates at this time or around 8… like wi stuck pan di discussion dem weh use to happen at 8

Yazzy
Blogger
Yazzy
6 years ago
Reply to  Obara Meji

LMFAOOOOOOOOOOOOO…. but at di same time a don’t mean to laugh but a how yuh count dat deh??? A indefinite nuff time dat man… but is real talk…. over and over and over again and I’m like damn! When will I get this damn thing right?!

Yazzy
Blogger
Yazzy
6 years ago
Reply to  Obara Meji

I think it’s the so called modern evolution… it’s taking away from the nature of things and the nature of humans. Ppl nuh real nuh mo’… dem caught up inna techie wurl… and till dem become numb

Yazzy
Blogger
Yazzy
6 years ago
Reply to  Obara Meji

Obara isnt it soooo unnatural that our parents are alive and yet we do not speak??? The feeling behind it …there are no words for… but it’s absolutely haunting… we can NEED truly sever ourselves from our parents hold… even if they are the ones doing the severing

kiabubblez
Blogger
kiabubblez
6 years ago
Reply to  Obara Meji

Howdy O how can u be the same?! ur either stronger or weaker. Sometimes ur weaker until yu analyze n pull on that inner strength. I once lived with someone n theu put me n my baby out. It wasnt as if i was nasty or didnt pay money, but for years i couldnt figure out why. I often pondered why n is only badmine i came up with enuh. She did more things over the years that made me realize she just never liked me. This a the gal whey send msg for me go florida with she lol… Read more »

Yazzy
Blogger
Yazzy
6 years ago
Reply to  kiabubblez

Bubblez dis ya speech ya is some venomous sting! You on point mami! You nailed it dung like a Gilbert a come mi chica! It solid! It connect!!

Ty
Blogger
Ty
6 years ago
Reply to  kiabubblez

My grandma used to tell me, when someone shows u who they are believe them…

kiabubblez
Blogger
kiabubblez
6 years ago

Greetings fambo Obara , large up!!! “And once the storm is over, you won’t remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won’t even be sure, whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm, you won’t be the same person who walked in. That’s what this storm’s all about.” ― Haruki Murakami Truer words have never been written or spoken…ive had some mighty storms n walked out stronger n more knowledgable. Things that were tolerated bfore…i aint having that s#@t now!!! I still go through but im… Read more »

Ty
Blogger
Ty
6 years ago
Reply to  kiabubblez

Goodnight everyone, I love that quote Kia, I will definitely be using that one…

kiabubblez
Blogger
kiabubblez
6 years ago
Reply to  Ty

Night Ty yes once i saw it, i knew it sumed up my storms.

Yazzy
Blogger
Yazzy
6 years ago
Reply to  Obara Meji

Mi deh ova ya a do one a dem silent laff de wid mi mout wide open and no soun… just fitz like movementz!

Yazzy
Blogger
Yazzy
6 years ago
Reply to  Obara Meji

Obara yuh have mi ova ya a pap up!!! 😀 oh gawd man!

Yazzy
Blogger
Yazzy
6 years ago
Reply to  Obara Meji

It’s undeniably been a healing place for all!!! Thank you. Mi nuh have nuh shame fi bawl… mi just bawl unapologetically! Mi bawl caz it touch mi and it’s also healing me. You pour your heart and your whole life out over here and we soak it up and we exhale love and respect from it… so a toast to ya experiences… lets tip our glasses! where and who would you be without it tideh mi sweetie!? And who would we be without ours?! And to think we wouldn’t have this pulsating healing ground here, that you have plowed, and… Read more »

Yazzy
Blogger
Yazzy
6 years ago

Bitter sweet post Obara but I like the lessons from it and I love the quotes at the end. My fav is “there are no disappointments in life, only lessons learned” ~ Obara Meji. I swear every time there’s some type of negativity lurking or I dig myself out of a suppressed rut, my resiliency humbles me and I chant that quote…. The ordeals and experiences are very painful sometimes but I guess we can’t always be sheltered and cushioned with love always. I guess sometimes we gotta be exposed to tragedy, pain, betryal, sufferation, suppression to appreciate peace. There… Read more »

Courtney
Blogger
6 years ago

Yup I’ve learned to accept people and where they are at in life

Obara Meji
Blogger
6 years ago
Reply to  Courtney

Nunu I swear, I cried the day it happened,but I never resented her, when my mother said leave, I felt sorry for myself because I had no where to go and I was sad, but if she had sent me to the shop or guh wash har clothes at the same time I would have done it! I was at her house when I went into labor and I did not know it was labor nor did I know what to do, uncle Ken who use to try to advantage me but I did not allow it, I stood up… Read more »

Cami
6 years ago
Reply to  Obara Meji

Yu good.

NuNu
Blogger
6 years ago
Reply to  Obara Meji

More dan good. Mi sure you prove yourself to everybody by surviving on your own. Dem might nuh seh nutten to you but them si

toy7318
6 years ago
Reply to  Obara Meji

Obara you are strong. Your mom didn’t even have a little soft spot. Did your father feel bad for you and give you a little something when your mom wasn’t around?

Obara Meji
Blogger
6 years ago
Reply to  Obara Meji

Àṣẹ

NuNu
Blogger
6 years ago
Reply to  Obara Meji

Ok Obara, mi get yuh. What a meant though was immediate resentment, when she said, you have to go, mi woulda tink seh as mi family shi shoulda did at least hear mi out before shi juss run mi lika dawg suh! In that moment mi woulda bex. I do understand everything happens for a reason

NuNu
Blogger
6 years ago

Obara even though your aunt kicked you out because she believed a lie, did you resolve your issue before she passed? Did you resent her ?

toy7318
6 years ago

Morning everyone, I am so loyal to people in my life. I started to feel like I was in bondage, because saying no to people is something that was hard for me to, it is still a struggle at times, but everyone doesn’t deserve kindness. Users smell your kindess and take advantage.

NuNu
Blogger
6 years ago
Reply to  toy7318

Amen Toy! Some people don’t have a conscience, and will use you up if the opportunity presents itself

Cami
6 years ago
Reply to  toy7318

Hey Toy. Users have a radar, lol.

toy7318
6 years ago
Reply to  Cami

Yes Cami, they smell our sweet blood.lmao

Cami
6 years ago

I’ve accept that humans are what they are, I treat people the way I want to be treated and how they treat me. This goes right back to that “forgiveness” post.

NuNu
Blogger
6 years ago
Reply to  Cami

I need to learn to pay attention more and focus on what’s going on around me. People are so tricky you can’t take them at face value sometimes, they can be that good at disguising their true selves. That’s troubling, isn’t it? Yuh coulda well deh walk eena harms way and nuh have a clue!

Cami
6 years ago
Reply to  NuNu

You got clues, but rationalize them to suit your ideal.

toy7318
6 years ago
Reply to  Cami

For real!

NuNu
Blogger
6 years ago

Good afternoon folks! You have to be ever so careful of people, ‘friends’ sometimes ‘ family’ too. I learn that not every smile has a good intention behind it.

Obara Meji
Blogger
6 years ago
Reply to  NuNu

Yuh darn right Nunu

Obara Meji
Blogger
6 years ago
Reply to  Obara Meji

Cami ooooo de prayer sticky up! Ah you ah de bosssss, lol

Cami
6 years ago
Reply to  Obara Meji

lol, Thanks.

toy7318
6 years ago
Reply to  NuNu

Yep Nunu

NuNu
Blogger
6 years ago
Reply to  Obara Meji

Hey Courtney, Cam and Teach!

Cami
6 years ago
Reply to  NuNu

Hey NuNu…see me fass with you earlier? lol

NuNu
Blogger
6 years ago
Reply to  NuNu

A di brown bull mi charter Cami! lol, him remind mi a Yazzy ex-man, Milk, trang back!!

Cami
6 years ago
Reply to  NuNu

lol, Yazzy serious bout har paper eater to, lol

Yazzy
Blogger
Yazzy
6 years ago
Reply to  NuNu

Nunu why sekkle fi di whole cow when yuh can have MILK free! DWL! Him back DID trang fi chute… a dat fool mi!

Ps… I don’t know what the hell I just wrote but mi nah delete it! **post comment** 😀

Courtney
Blogger
6 years ago
Reply to  Obara Meji

Omg lol autocorrect

Cami
6 years ago

I know for a fact that I’m a magnate to users. I have so much experience of hurt that I am just rude without notice when I perceive a wrong.

Courtney
Blogger
6 years ago

Good Morning ES fan I learnt this lesson in relation to “friends”. I was having a fashion show at the Red Rose Ball my first ready to wear collection, I had created the Egyptian themed line and was in preparations for the show. My brother who was on the committee at that time was so concerned that he would be embarrassed by me which to this day I never understood. I may not be a lot of things but when it comes to the arts yah girl is talented. So a few days before the show usually my best friend… Read more »

Cami
6 years ago
Reply to  Courtney

When you dealing with a life event that means a lot to you…you have to depend on no one but yourself. You can delegate to others but the end result is on you.

toy7318
6 years ago
Reply to  Cami

Yes Cam

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