Has someone ever told a dangerous lie on you?, Someone you trusted, or even family? Have you ever been betrayed or discovered a traitor among your circle of friends? Have you ever experienced a close friend or relative, sleeping with your husband/wife or boyfriend/girlfriend?Have you ever shared something personal with a friend or family member and things get sour, they run tell all your business? Or been deceived in any way, shape or form by people you trust, especially if it is family? I have been through this (the family and friends betrayal and deceit) and more, and through it all it took me a long time to realize that this is the world and its people, most of them at least, this world is made up of some very bad people well disguised. Betrayal, and deceit are always near, and it matters not who the person is, the result is always the same to the “victim”, hurt and pain, the feeling of being let down.
Years ago my junior sister had an argument with my malicious senior sister. The senior sister called me and complained to me about the junior one. I had been stung many times by the senior one before (she was from another race or something, because she thrived on controversy and was evil to the core, I guess everybody has one within the family, she was one a few), heck I had been stung by all my family members before, but this senior was definitely Satan’s spawn, and spun the family in a web of lies. This was her personality, she operated off controversy, mix up as we Jamaicans call it. She thrived on it, and was not happy when all was well and peaceful. There are people in the world like this, many, and most wear a smile.
My junior sister worked in an office and had gotten the senior a job there, she needed it at the time. The junior sister would tell me that the senior was not doing a good job and although she tried to teach her, the senior was having a hard go at it. The owner of the company noticed and called the attention to the junior, telling her to straighten her up or else she would have to let her go. The junior sister, tried to speak to her about it, as best she could, however she did not tell her of the threat of fire from the boss, not wanting to hurt her feelings at all, and this much she explained to me privately, wanting me to advise her on what to do. The senior sister, who was already resentful of the junior, (her being the one to even hire her) was not listening to her warnings, and had began to think that the junior sister maliciously wanted the boss to fire her. In other words, the little sister was trying to save the older one’s feeling and job, by telling her to do a better job, without letting her know that the boss was gunning for her. The senior saw it different and began to think that the younger one had it in for her. Needless to say this developed a great tension on the job. I was the confidant of the junior on this problem as she did not know what else to do. Well the time came when the boss had enough of the horrible job the older sister was doing and had her husband fire her. She called me from the parking lot of the job and began to complain on the junior sister, saying that she set her up, calling her names and all things bad.
She had no idea that I knew of the situation all along, and when she told me all that was happening, (her side), I (with as much wisdom that I could) tried to point her to her, her own folly. I had to be smart and not let her know that the junior sister had seeked advice from me all along. In her mind, I was taking the side of younger sister, saying that this was because we were same mother and father and a whole lot of nonsense, almost making a quarrel with me, as a matter of fact, she did curse my enemy. She decided to take the matter to social media. I did not know that she did this as I am not active on social media. On social media, this woman (our sister, same mother) wrote horrible things about the junior sister, things that I would never forgive her for in this life or others if they must come, if I was the junior and she had done this to me. She then turned on me, but there was not much she could say, other calling me an Obeah woman (I like the name, so that did not bother me at all). She told all of the junior sisters business, I mean everything, and there were a lot of lies mixed in! This is family, and we all grew up together, so if there was a bad breakup, she would know, if she had an argument with someone, she would know. She went in hard on the little sister, she opened up all of the junior sisters business on social network, and all the girls was guilty of was trying to help her in times of need by giving her a job.
I had always been wary of her, our mom had told us that her father was a scandalous man who had made her life with him miserable, and I was always a target of her from I was a child, so I was smart with how I dealt with her as I grew, read here. This post was not thought up because of her, I just used her as one example. In my life I have many stories of deceit and betrayal, the wicked baby’s father being one I often write about here on this site, but recently my own father showed his own to me and I was stumped for a bit. I thought long and hard about sharing this, but in all my posts I am always honest. Who you know here as Obara Meji, even if this is cyber world, is real. I have no need to be pretentious. I have made mistakes in my life, we all have, but I know that I have been greatly blessed. One of my biggest flaws is that I love people, and although I know that I should not, I tend to get close to people, despite all the warning signs. The warning signs are all that I have already been through and experienced at the hands of those whose smile does not reach their eyes. I have met many of those, been bitten by them all. My parents are amongst them, and there was a time, where I tried to leave them alone, stay away from them. I was too tired of crying, (I do this when I am hurt or disappointed by people) and needless to say, It keep occurring because I refused to learn the lessons, same lessons I teach, but it is harder when it is your parents and I got hit again, but I assure you all that “this ” will be the last time.
It is apparent that my non -physical elders keep sending people in my life to teach me this lesson over and over again, but I have not heeded to them, so in a drastic move to whip me into learning, they sent my dad again, knowing it would hut the most, as he and mom have been teaching me all my life.
My father had a quarrel with my junior sister recently. She was very rude to him and he was shocked by it, hurt, very hurt, because she was and is the apple of my parents eyes. they do everything for her, it matters not what, she has them in her corner. I have long since come to term with that, and lived my own life with my own family who are my children. When the quarrel happened, my dad called me and told me about it, which was surprising to me. I held the peace, by trying to sooth him,while he claimed that he was done with her. I begged him to reconsider, while I called her and begged her to apologize. She is normally the one to do certain things for my parents, she is in charge of all their affairs, but because of the argument, I had to full in, I did. I was back and forth between them trying to make peace, because the parents were set on never having to do anything with her again. What she did was unforgivable according to them, it was only words and an apology could have straightened it all out, I hoped that it would. However, they had placed all what they had in her and they were severely let down at how she spoke to them, to my dad actually. Eventually she apologized, after we begged her to, he did not accept. He was deeply hurt and I understood, but she apologized, at least she tried. I was not one to add fuel to the fire, but unbeknownst to us, the senior sister was behind the door, setting everything ablaze, calling my parents and slicing my sister to pieces to them, while I was at the forefront begging peace, her voice won out.
I made my self and my children available to the parents, doing things this sister was only privy to do for them, and we did it, to help out, not having any resentments for have been outcasts for years. I should have known that people will always be people and despite all that we (my children and I) did to help my mom and dad in my sisters stead, he changed his phone number without telling me, without telling us. I had just spoken to him in the morning, and by evening his number had changed. They changed their phone number, all because they are upset with my sister, and even though I had nothing to do with their quarrel, even though I tired to make peace, even though I was doing the running around for them, not having anything to do with their problem, and had just spoken to them earlier on the number that they had for over thirty years, I felt the pinch of it all, even though I was not at fault. My junior sister declared that she did not care, she admitted that it hurt, but it was ok, she was glad to be rid of the responsibility. Yet, I felt numb, all of last week. I am blessed to have both of my parents alive, yet it feels as if I have no parents. The senior sister had ruined our relationship long ago, and I had accepted it, staying with my children alone, not thinking of any blood relations other than the ones I had pushed from my body. I had stayed far from them (the parents), I had divorced my mind from family. I cried every time I use to visit them, because it hurt that they rejected me (in their actions), not caring for me at all. I loved them so much but it was not returned. Yet, here at a time when they reached out for my help, I sought to bring peace between them and the daughter they cherished, while giving of my self, and still, in wanting to hurt the daughter for what she did to them, I was also included in their revenge. My junior sister laughed (not in a nasty way, but knowingly) and said to me “daddy played you”, she was correct, he did.
All my life, I have been the person to embrace people, love people, get close to people and have always been let down, betrayed and deceived by them. From friends, to acquaintances, to family, it has always been the same. It seemed to be a hard lesson to learn. For me getting too close to anyone, the knife was always at their back in regards to me, I have since realized the reason. I spoke to a blogger this week about this and she said to me that it was because there is something innocent within me. She said, I did not look for the deceivers, or the liars, the ones with agendas, or the betrayers and backstabbers, I did not search out people for these qualities, although I found them all within my family, and I had known, through what I experienced with my family that these people existed in the world. I should have learned this lesson from an earlier age, and perhaps throughout my life, I would not have been so hurt, when I saw the stain of wickedness upon those who I allowed to hurt me. Rather than being surprised at them when they showed themselves, I should be expecting it.
Yes, I allowed them to hurt me, because God in his wisdom, gave me those deceivers that I would meet along life’s way as family members, I had felt their teeth marks upon my neck as vampires, and their cold hands around my throat, they were the first ones I had seen upon my entrance to this plane, yet I heeded not. I continued to look for good in everyone, befriending them, giving my love, and my all, only to be deceived by them, after a little while. What my parents did to me recently, I believe, was a reminder to me, to begin to take stock of the world and its inhabitants. I need to be more mindful of those I allow to be apart of me and of my life. I love my parents and I always will. They are among my greatest teachers. I thank my dad and mom for this lesson, taught to me again, and hopefully for the last time.
Ibi gbogbo là ńdá’ná alẹ́, ọbẹ̀ ló kàn dùn ju ra wọn lọ /
Supper is prepared in every home, some are simply tastier than others……..Yoruba Proverb!
[Everyone is blessed in one way or the other; it’s the degrees that are different]
All religion are valid as long as it teaches peace and love…. Obara Meji!
There are no disappointments in life, only lessons learned!….Obara Meji