Good day one and all. Today is Wednesday and of course officially the day when Blogger’s Posts are published, although for now Blogger’s Post will be posted Tuesdays and Wednesdays. Our prodigal child MTH has returned home after shi did run wey ha very long time ago. Her contribution to Blogger’s Posts is as titled above. In her post, she wants to take us through a chapter of her life. Let us journey with her, have a peep into the days she was missing from us, her journey from Jamaica to where ever she is now and most importantly the lessons she has learned. She has written an “epistle” suh mek sure sey none ah oonuh nah cook. Ah she sey can type lol. Big up yuh self MTH, welcome back.
I am posting Blogger’s Posts in the order as they come, so Kevin thank you so much for your contributions can’t wait fi post dem deh, and others that have come in from other people. Tank oonuh.
Today, I want to share my journey to Canada with you to all and show you the power of the mind and how things have been ordained. I welcome frank open discussion. This is how we learn and grow.
In 2012, I was at the heights of my profession; my small daughter was attending St. Peter & Paul Prep School, one of the better private schools in the Jamaica. My older daughter was in University and I had just bought a house. My friend came to visit from England, and by friend I mean, she was close, she was daughter’s God-Mother, we lived together in Jamaica and I helped her to get to England. Looking back, I have realized she was no God-Mother to my daughter. She never really kept in touch, never sent birthday cards etc. She was coming to Jamaica and asked me what I wanted her to take for me. I told her a phone and she said, ‘yu lucky enno cause I bought phones to sell but my brother told me that everyone has phones so I have packed 4 phones in the barrel and I will give you one and Big M (my big daughter) one’. I had just gotten my house, so I had just gotten the man to install my grill, bought my bedroom set, painted inside and everything ran me about One Million Jamaican Dollars ($10,000 USD). I was really broke by then.
A few days later my friend told me that the barrel came and she got the phones for both my daughter and I. She even said that she went and got the phones unlocked and I should give her back the money she paid to unlock the phone. This was summer, I spent a million dollars, plus my daughter’s school fee was expensive in addition to all the other costs that I had. I was angry because she went to unlock the phone would force me to pay for a phone which wasn’t on my budget. Secondly, I was upset because, how could she who was living in England for ten years, come back, when to get the phone unlock, with her deep English accent, as oppose to me, an in the streets girl. I was pissed and didn’t want to pay the money. In fact I wasn’t going to give her the money and another friend said ‘look at it this way, just tell yourself that you are paying a discounted price for the phones.’ I paid her for the phones and took the phones but something didn’t sit well with me. Anyone that means you well would see that you are spending and wouldn’t put additional non-essential expenses on you.
I went to England things didn’t work out, she treated my daughter and I so badly, I came back to Jamaica. The same friend showed my daughter and I some bad treatment. I don’t know why I was alarmed as she showed me her true self before and I didn’t take heed. I was just determined that I wanted to pay off for my house in 5 years and going to England would put me in a position to do so. I was hurrying me life, because on average the life of a mortgage is 25 years.
I cried out to God and somehow things worked out and I went back to Jamaica. Things were very difficult at times. I had a mortgage and the bills were piling up. My daughter was taken from the private school even then, things were difficult. One Sunday, I did the laundry and put the clothes on the ironing board. When I looked all my little daughter’s underwear ants and eaten them up, and that was the straw that broke the camel’s back. I cried deeply that day out of frustration and I said to God, “it doesn’t make any purpose that I serve you, because when I was out in the world (term for being a non-Christian) I had things, now I am serving you my daughter don’t even have drawers’…I cried and cried, the I heard the still voice, ‘try Canada my child’. I put it aside and said no sah, a wey dat dey vice (voice) come fram. Canada is not for me. Canada is too slow. I had my eyes set on America. I was a bashment girl after all.
I had one friend in Canada, this guy from High School days and my Uncle who I hadn’t spoken to long before Wappy killed Phillup. So, how was this Canada thing going to come into being. I got a new job at one of the biggest company in Jamaica and when I went there, some of the ladies had a prayer meeting. This one lady in particular was asking about prayers and we would pray. I was so depressed and it felt like I wasn’t living, I perhaps was moving about like a zombie. I prayed for the lady and she came back and testified that her papers should have taken perhaps months took six weeks and she was off to Canada. I didn’t ask her anything and carried on. It was either weeks or days (when you are not of this world you don’t keep track off time, meaning I was in and out of being a Zombie so days ran into weeks). Chance or destiny had it that the lady came to the office to do something, (she had resigned by then). I don’t know what led me downstairs and I saw her and I said, gimme di link nuh (give me the link) and she quickly told me the office and I checked it out.
I worked in the business hub of Jamaica and I was trying to use the equity in my house to get a loan and it was the most difficult thing ever. I remember this faithful day I got up from my desk and decided that I was going to walk and inhaled some fresh air. I have always been attracted to tall buildings and nature, so I had to walk around new Kingston to clear my head. I ended up in Bank of Nova Scotia. I knew one of the Loans Officer in passing. I saw her and I asked her why didn’t she approve the loan. She was on her way out and she took me to her office, and told me, if I was a minute later, I would have missed her as she was on her way out of the office. She took me to her office and as she closed the door I just bawled out her name and said, ‘mi a guh dead’. She talked with me, encouraged me and prayed with me. She told me this, sometimes you think you are doing a good job by sharing what God has done for you, but don’t. People are so envious of you. You have achieved so much. She said, we testify about pass things, that means God has done it already. He knows you know, don’t let the world know. I felt better by her words, it stuck in the back of my head, but the loan was not approved, so…
By this I found Embracing Spirituality and I started reading and everyday I looked forward to the posts. I was a peeper, then I became a regular blogger. The love and energy was positive, I needed it. There were some bloggers that I think were sent for the purpose of lifting me up. I contacted Obara for a reading and she did say I was going to go to Canada. Confirmation!
Things were difficult and every step of the way required money which I didn’t have. I went to get a loan at one of the loans company with a 40% interest rate per annum. I thought it was over the two-year life of the loan. I needed a guarantor, who could I ask? I remembered just weeks before my gay friend told me that his mom asked his to be a guarantor and he said no. So if he said no to him mom, would he say yes to me? I asked him and before I could even ask him, the answer was yes. I became frustrated as I heard the voice saying try Canada and Obara told me I would go to Canada but I was not seeing the money or the means by which it would come. This became perplexing to me, I wondered should I just sit back and watch things fall into place or should I find extra gear and push harder. I asked everyone I knew for help, the responses were varied, some thought I was being ungrateful as I was in a good job, (good job because it was office work) one friend told me I was flying into God’s face.
In essence no one wanted to help me. I help onto the voice that told me to try Canada and Obara’s (Ifa’s) prediction that I would go.
I applied for my visa, and it should have taken five weeks and I got my response in five days, amidst deep prayer and fasting though. I resigned my job without the knowledge of how the plane plane ticket was going to be bought. One day I got a mail with a cheque from my bank, it stated that I was a good customer; all I had to do was sign the cheque and could use it, which I did. In essence it was a pre-approved loan, in the nick of time the cheque came. That was how I got my plane ticket. Of course there are many other parts that I have left out in the interest of time, but I will write about them. I got the loan that they didn’t want to approve me for. This was from God, as I would use my house as collateral. This also confirmed Obara’s reading that I would go to Canada, albeit a bit of struggle. The universe cooperated with my prayers and desires. From that experience, I took, don’t doubt what Ifa’s says, secondly everything will happen when it should. I didn’t get the loans when I applied, but another and better way was provided.
When I got to Canada I experienced a miracle in the form of my housing. Depending on the feedback.
By time I got to Canada, I owed the loans company, the bank, a guy in the office that offered small loans, I owed on my credit card. Rihanna says work, work, work and I just owed, owed, owed. My daughter’s father gave me a laptop and it only worked for one day (who is surprised?). I had to use various computers in the library and for some reason my email address was shut down because I was using different terminals and they thought my account was hacked. By this, every one of the loans people started calling and one particular one was emailing me. Then the computer shut down and it was bitter-sweet.
I had gotten a mobile phone by this as it was in the dead of winter, I was lonely so I would call to talk to my children and of course ended up with a massive bill. The phone was disconnected, meaning that I could not make calls etc but I had learnt how to use wifi. I met up with the lady who told me about the program when we were in Jamaica. I should have spent 5 nights with her until my house became available, I ended up spending three weeks, I had to stand strong on my feet to move out. I wasn’t working so I would cook and tidy up and it was a reasonably good time for all of us. They enjoyed that and didn’t want me to leave. The roommate by the way was African and we became fast friends. She lost her job shortly after. She was stressed and would spend one night sleeping with this friend, one night sleeping at other friends. I being a mother, didn’t like it, she asked me if she could spend a few nights at my place. I told her to make sure she left ‘my friend’ the Jamaican, house properly because I didn’t want any trouble.
During the three weeks, I was staying with the Jamaican and the African, they had an African friend (guy, 22 years old). The first night I went to stay with them, they went out and about and this African guy was driving them. I hadn’t meet the guy yet, but they all said he told the girls, what kind of nonsense it this, they have a friend over (me), they should go home and be with me. They came home, the African guy suggested they buy pizza so I had something to eat (this was the Saturday night). I cooked but the Monday and offered the guy but he said he had eaten he didn’t want any. He didn’t eat anything Tuesday either. The Wednesday I cooked fish and he ate, he asked me if I cooked it and I said yes. He then said, “Friday is my birthday and I am having a party, can you cook for me?’.I said sure without asking how many people. Friday, 3:00 p.m. he came to pick up the African girl and myself to go shopping to buy the stuff for a 8:00 p.m.
While shopping I realized that it was 50 ppl that I would be cooking for. I was frightened, supposed I spoilt the food, the meat needed to be soaked (marinated). I did my best and everyone said how good the food was, it was by far the best party food they had. The people loved the Jamaican food and I used MY good-up, good-up Betta Pak Curry for the Curry Chicken. Here, I want to make it abundantly clear, I agreed to cook for him not knowing how many people because, he first showed kindness to me. When the girls were out and about, he told them to come and be with me. I did my best with the cooking and everyone enjoyed the food and I cannot articulate how they were saying the food was good. A Jamaican girl I knew and told about the program was asked by another Jamaican girl who was lining up for the food, if the food tasted good, her response was ‘I am not sure if the food taste all that good or if it is because I am hungry’. The girl was one of my roommates and became one of the biggest thorn in my flesh.
I was standing in the party by myself when this over 6 ft. tall, over confident African guy approached me. He asked me my name and we got to talking. His accent wasn’t the very thick African, it was mixed with North American so he either travelled before or was in Canada for a long time. He asked me if I was married and I said so. He said you are so beautiful and can cook so well, why aren’t you married? He then, said I will find you a husband. He told me he was a prince. I laughed and found the conversation intriguing and I knew instantly he was someone I would like for a long time. He was in my big daughter’s age group so a romantic hook-up was never in my mind. The African guy that I cooked for and African girl told me not to talk to him, he was wild and slept with everything and their stories about him were vicious.
I don’t remember if I saw him at the college until spring break. I didn’t have a laptop so I went to the library to borrow one. When I got there the laptops were all rented by others. When I saw him I smiled and he asked me what I was doing at the college since there were no classes. I told him about my laptop troubles. He told me that I should wait and he would go get his laptop. I declined and he insisted. I refused. I told him I wasn’t comfortable. He didn’t know me and to be lending me his computer, because he knew I didn’t have one and didn’t want me to be lonely for the week. Fancy that! He said he trusted me and therefore wouldn’t need to lock him computer or put on any password, I should just wait and he would quickly go and get it (he lived on campus). I didn’t take it, but liked the gesture.
There was a big event at the college and I was integral in it. He came over to where I was and we started taking pictures and laughing having a great time. He then said, ‘this is my wife’, to which something in me responded. He took my number to send me the pictures via whatsapp. We would talk for 5-6 hours daily. When I woke in the mornings, I would wake to the good morning text and something positive quotes and he would send kisses voice notes. Remembered, I was a teenage mother and missed out on the whole college scene and college boyfriend thing and would often pray for that experience. I felt giddy as a teenager and I loved the feeling. By this, I was battling my roommate who was now against me from the party that I was well received for the cooking, but before that she found out who my baby father was, and it made her angry. I welcomed the Prince’s phone calls and in fact looked forward to them, he made the time pass by and I was under stress, my email had shut down, money problems, not seeing my family. He filled a deep void.
One day, he asked me the latest he could stop by, I told him midnight. It was obviously a joke. He texted back and ask for my address, he was going to let the school bus drop him at my place. Everyone saw that he came to my place and despite me living with three other Jamaican girls, knew he came to see me. He came and I didn’t expect him so my modest meal was shared for us and he ate. He did the dishes and we went upstairs and we were dancing together. The roommate who wasn’t talking to me, heard the male’s voice and somehow had a reason to come to my room, she wanted to see who it was.
The African girl warned me and told me be careful, he is a womanizer and she can see me falling for him. In addition, she said, MTH we have been here for years, he has never been seen with a woman, like that. He is very private, he would visit the girls in the wee hours of the mornings/late at nights etc. so that made him so bad. She went on to say, ‘you are the first woman that he has been seen with like that”. I didn’t mind and in fact denied that I was having feelings for this half boy, half man. So him hiding and me hiding, what a perfect match. The Prince and I had a wonderful time. He invited me to his place and even made dinner for me. When I had insomnia, he would be on the phone with me, he was very deep. I told him and everyone, he was the male version of me. The dressing, the dancing, we both loved church and the dancehall, we were giving. It sounds weird but I felt the need to protect and be protected by him.
When people found out that we were getting close, the stories about started coming fast and furious, I was no good. I was a big woman with children, what I wanted him for. I was using him, (despite, me having two jobs and holding down my own, remember I had a house in Jamaica and this guy didn’t even have a bicycle), I was wild, I drank too much (that right there was the truth). The Jamaican girls didn’t stand with me or for me, they were the ones fueling the rumors. The very thought that I would be happy was too much. When the talk about me became unbearable I lashed out, I dug up pictures of me working with the prime Minister and told them, compare my life to any of theirs, I was doing way better than them when I was their age. By this, we started getting back exams grades and became known that I was ‘bright’. So they couldn’t attack my intelligence, they attacked my character.
One night I was having the worse insomnia ever and texted the Prince, he said I am at the club, come now. I got all cute and went. When I got there, he introduced me to some Jamaican guys who were passing through the town. We were dancing and having fun when Prince would come over every 3 seconds, whispered into my ears or stood in-front of me and hugged my bum, as we would say in Jamaica him did a even up himself. When the club was over the Jamaicans guys and I were about to exchange numbers, the Prince came over and the guy who apparently liked asked if he was my man. The Prince made his presence felt.
We walked home together holding hands under the moonshine and it was magical and I was drinking so everything felt great. When he went home, it was the first time he was sleeping at my place, but I had slept at his place before. When I slept at his place, we always cuddled and somehow I felt safe in his arms. Obara spoke about feeling safe with Mr. Low-grade. I just felt safe and expected just to be cuddled as before. We were messing around and before you know it our bodies became one. Through it all, I was in a trance, the only thing I can remember was it was the sweetest/best feeling that I have ever felt in my life.
There was such vicious rumors about me and he buckled under the pressure and left. Remember, he was the terrible one in the beginning and no one wanted us to be together. I was told that he had the biggest member and if we slept together, no one else would have wanted me. Now, when they couldn’t get me to walk away from him, they turned the viciousness on me. By this the roommate and I had a reasonable friendship after she had gone through some pressure from the other Jamaican girl (the one who said she wasn’t sure if the food tasted good). One day the roommate and I were talking and she mentioned that while I thought it was a secret that I was going with him, he confided in her when he was checking me. I jokingly said and you told him not to be with me. She said, ‘well I didn’t know you’. Thus confirming she told him not to be with me. She thought he told me, he didn’t. I just said it.
I prayed and wondered why the attacks against me were so savage. The next semester I went to school, I became Director of the Students Association in addition to two of the other highest positions that I could hold. In addition, I held six positions at the college, plus I was the art class live model. I was doing so much. Prince and I wasn’t talking for a few weeks when the Saturday before I got the positions, out of the blue he texted me and we started talking. I told him and he said to me, ‘Chive on, you’ve got this’. Those few words inspired me. He didn’t know that I had apply and if he didn’t text me that Saturday, if he waited until the Monday, then the results would have been posted, I would say that he came around for the big times. When the Jamaican girl found out that I had gotten the big positions, she said, ‘suh why yu neva tell mi sey yu a apply?’
The character assassination continued, and when they could not say that I wasn’t bright in the school work, they made up stories of people I was dating. It hurt because, I was working really hard, school was 9:00 a.m. to 4:00 p.m. and work from 4:00p.m. to 11:30 p.m. I would be getting home after mid-night. Yet maintaining ‘A’ average.
Prince left the town one semester before he finished his course and continued his classes online. If I had waited until the following January to leave Jamaica, I would not have met him. He was the oasis in the dessert for me. He made me so happy.
The overall things that I took for this chapter of my journey, was when I heard the voice say, ‘try Canada my child’, I had no idea how it would taken shape but everything fell into place. Obara also confirmed that I would go, despite me not having money up front, things worked out as predicted. If I had not gotten that reading, I would have doubted it and gave in, thinking it was not the right time, even thou my ori (head) told me otherwise. Secondly, I lost touch with my ES family and I went through a battle, but I fought and won. After the battle, I returned right back a mi yaad. I had to fight, but Obara taught me well.
During prayer and fasting it was revealed to me that because the guy carried himself so well and was hated on one hand but loved so deeply on the other hand he was the object of many person’s hatred. I on the other hand was known very quickly as a good cook, it angered some. They wanted to be the best and here this big woman come and took away some shine from them. I was even told, I was a big woman, who was taking the boy that they should get. I said but it was said he was a dog, he was with everyone, So if he didn’t check you, you cant blame me. The overarching thing was he was like me and I was like him. If we ever came together, we would be powerful. The girl behind most if not all the rumors, was simply jealous because she wanted to talked about in a positive way and thought that talking bad about others would let her look better. I have took the lessons with me, chief being I am a warrior, when the fights come I didn’t back down, I fight with everything in me. The Prince and I shared a moment in time, which will always be precious to me. I have lived to see the same girl who tried to exclude me from everything was running me down to be my friend, wanting me to include her in things that I was doing. Fancy that, life is funny e?
The Prince and I came together because of the party that I offered to cook for a guy I knew in under one week. I did it from the goodness of my heart. The guy first extended kindness to me. The Prince came about, when he should. He was a source of strength and happiness for while, while I was learning the ways of survival in a new country. If I wasn’t so focused on hurrying my life, I would have enjoyed the last few months of Jamaica more but was preoccupied with how things were going to work out. Pray, get your readings and trust your head.