September 4, 2017 Obara Meji 14Comment

Looking back at my life coming up as a young woman, I had no thought as to who or what I was supposed to be. My parents had ambition for me, I had none. All I wanted to do  was read books and be comfortable doing so. Reading was and still is my favorite thing to do. Life, however, had other plans for me, and a lot of emotional challenges would be the name of the train I would ride. In hindsight, as I type listening to Lana del Rey this Sunday morning in Nigeria, it was as if I had been pulled along life’s roads, streets, avenues and lanes, without protest and a bit of naivety through it all. As I have written here before tears were a constant companion those times. Tears, because while life dragged me, somewhere in my mind, I felt this was not how it was supposed to be, but it felt as if I had to just allow myself to be dragged. I made decisions based on trying to please everybody else but me. I now wonder if I was even there as I somehow seemed to have been in a bubble. I go there (the bubble) at times, when life becomes too harsh, becoming numb lessens the hurt.

Someone close to me cautions me on listening to Lana’s songs too often, because her music inspires sadness. She warns me of the energy transference, something that I often warn others of. Yet when I listen to some sad music, I find myself go back in time and return with some new lessons learned. Sadness has its place as does everything. We cannot discount even what we fear or do not like, they have their purpose.

Some years ago when I was with Mr. High Grade (the one time I was ever married, he was a bum) life became a little dull. Finances were low and I had to go out and search for bread to feed the family. High grade busied himself with horse racing and smoking. I did a course and was out doing this job where I had to canvass the area for clients.

Today, as I laid down singing along with Lana, a flashback of me all dressed up in the boiling New York summer sun came to me. It appeared out of nowhere. Then it struck me that something wanted to show me much I have evolved, how much I had grown, how far I had come… Can any of you see how you have evolved within the last, let’s say ten years of your life? Where you were then as opposed to where you are now?

Back then I was married to a man who became my fifth child. Someone I disliked, but settled with. Someone I walked and canvassed for clients so that I could earn a commission to feed him and my children. Would I do so again? Absolutely not, but we learn and grow from past experiences. These are all apart of the evolution of life. It is a process, one that we should note.

Often times life passes you by without you taking note of the things you have accomplished. The brain is fond of holding on to negative memories and forgetting, or ignoring, your accomplishments. While they may be small to you, that you have discounted them, they may have molded you into who you are now.

If there has been no change in your situation, your circumstances, or even you, nothing to tell you that you are emotionally, spiritually or physically in a better place (while still alive), then you have been wasting your years here and have been taking your life as a joke. You will want to say, “Obara I cannot change my circumstances, life has dealt me a bad hand” or “Obara, I have accepted my fate“. To which I will disagree with you. We evolve constantly, some of us are aware and many of us are not. Sunday turns to Monday and Monday turns to Tuesday, this is your proof that nothing stays the same. It is impossible to stay the same when the world around you is in constant motion. I can say, spiritually, I am in a much better place today. Embracing my spirituality was a very harsh reality for me, but I have grown into my spirituality and am happily conscious and wide awake although the road to get here was jarring to say the least.

Emotionally, while it has been a challenge (I am extremely compassionate and at times naive), I am much better than I was when I was growing up. Throughout the years I had to unlearn seeing and judging things through emotions. This was hard for a person like me who took so much to heart. But today as I looked back to those years when tears and sorrow were my only companions, I realize that even though my enemy was experiencing these heartaches, I was not emotionally present, I was numb. It was almost as if I experienced these things from outside my body. Will have to do a post explaining this.

Looking back, I realize that while I went through whatever emotional abuse I suffered at the hands of the wicked baby father, his other woman, his mother and siblings, my mother, father, and siblings, and evil friends I had, all these assisted me in growing stronger. Emotionally I became stronger and fear who was like a dark heavy cloak upon my shoulders began to disappear. Perhaps life knew that there was far more for me to endure as I grew and walked my path and so they tested me early and prepared me for a tougher road ahead.

I have a friend, an older woman. She is soft spoken and a bit odd in her character. She has been through a lot in life, being disappointed in many ways by those who she loved and cared for, but one thing I have noticed with her, which always seemed to puzzle me: she never cries. Even if she is telling me a heartfelt story, which would normally bring about tears from Bam Bam Bigelow, she would not even sniffle. Yet she has told me of thoughts of suicide and there are times she becomes almost like a different person. Silently I worry for her, because I cannot see where she has changed from the bitterness she holds deep within, although she hides it with cheer and chatter.

It is ok to cry. It is healthy and it is something that mends a place deep within that no doctor can get to. As I remembered those days when I had to go hunting while High Grade was home, smoking and gambling horses on the television, to me now doing my work, in service of humanity, I see and appreciate how far I have come, and I thank my Ori for all the challenges I faced to become me.

The wicked baby father’s mother is in the hospital, she needs our prayers. They want to pull the plug, she had a stroke. I called and begged him to beg them, not yet. I told him to beg them to wait. Let’s pray I told him, he seemed to be resigned to whatever fate he was told of her. Yet I begged on her behalf. After all, she had only fallen a day before. She had made my young life with her son a living hell, but she was one of my teachers, although to me then, she was a tormentor. Because of this woman, I begged God to never let me meet a man whose mother was still alive, but better yet, I vowed to be a good and fair mother-in-law because of her. For that I thank her. She taught me what not to be, how not to be. Please all of you help me pray for her to recover.

Some years ago, I was passing by my sisters apartment, my parents were there. I greeted everyone by the door, not intending to go inside. I have never felt welcomed around my family. As I walked away to go to my own apartment, I felt someone grab me from behind.

It was my mother.

“Dance with me,” she told me, and proceeded to waltz me around the hallway. I laughed and danced and then began to cry. The last time I remember my mother showing me any affection at all was when I was eight years old. I thought those times were never to be again. Yet here she was waltzing me around the hallway, and all the love I had for this woman came flooding into me. I wanted her to hold me forever. I missed her terribly. She had no idea how I greatly admired her, how much I loved her. It is nice at times to reflect. Those memories made me realize and appreciate where I am today, emotionally and spiritually. I have never resented her for anything. Because of her and our strained relationship, I love my children and made sure I showed my love to them. I tell them all the time, I hug them, kiss them, squeeze them, comfort them, I reassure them, teach, them protect them, and forever I will. That one day of the waltz, made me erase all the things I had wondered about our relationship in my mind. I placed them in a bubble. Content with them there. She is my mother.

Today I want you all to sit and meditate on your life. See where you were at least ten years ago and where you are now. By seeing where you were, I mean emotionally, spiritually, financially, in your ambition, or just your outlook on life itself.

 

Answer These Questions

How have you changed?

Do you have resentments you harbor, or have you forgiven those who have hurt you somehow along life’s way?

Are you a better person now, or are you bitter like my friend and holding it inwards, where others sees it within you?

Are you more or less ambitious?

Judgmental or objective with all things?

How do you treat yourself? Do you love you or are you disappointed in you and why?

Are you the same as back then and you can honestly say you are better than before?

Where is your spirituality?

What are your beliefs?

Are you enjoying life or or you disappointed in life, in God?

Do you still believe in God?

Did you ever?

Who are you now, what have you become and who do you blame or thank for this?

Tí ẹ̀dá bá fẹ́ gba àwìn ẹ̀bà, ni wọ́n máa ńṣe ojú àánú, tí wọ́n bá yó tán, wọ́n á di ọkọ olúwa wọn. /

People present a facade of humility when seeking favour; once satisfied, they easily lord it over their benefactors………………..Yoruba Proverbs!

[Be perceptive.]

 

Àìríni bárìn, a máa múni pe ajá láàwé. /

The absence of anyone to associate with, could make one call a dog a friend……….Yoruba Proverb!

[In the absence of the desired, the available comes into focus.]

 

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sue
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Finally got to answer the reflection questions and not afraid to share the answers. Here we go: –
1) 10 yrs ago to present – in the past I was fun loving, carefree, selfish, do things impulsive not thinking of the consequences or end results. Now I have become a mother figure, someone who has love that has no boundaries and I am filled with hope. I am more family oriented, not wealthy financially but comfortable with the little. I was once a “socialite” but no more, I am OK with me.
2) I would not say “resent” I still remember thr instances and then however I review the memories and find the lessons to be learnt and the reasons for going through them. I laugh at the bad times as it shows my strength of beating the odds against me.
3)today people tend to pretty things up or are so use to telling lies they themselves forget the difference between “truth” and “lies”. I can peacefully say I am a better person now. The bitter stage was like a wound festering but due to time it has managed to be treated with care and patience.
4) 10yrs ago I was extremely ambitious but the universe crashed those desires and drive. People are always saying/telling me “why do you remain low in life, you need to move up now.” “Your wasting your time” “you have no ambition in life especially in your love life worse your financial status.”
5)in the past I was extremely judgemental, objective to rules which came along my journey. Today, no longer judgemental as I do not hold that authority or power. Depends on how you look at “objective” I call them asking questions to get clarity to understand the outcome or aim for the task.
6) 10 yrs ago, it was all about “ME” and nobody else. Today I love myself yes but it includes my supporters even more. I use to be disappointed in the past with me, I had many chances/opportunities which I allowed to pass me “career, love life, success…” The choices would seem detrimental as I kept giving up my luck and opportunities. I reflect at times on if I did take up those offers but peacefully know now that I am happy with all except the love life part. That part I cannot figure out to date.
7) Not the same person back then but a developed into a better person now.
8) spiritually I am slowly awaking but at times I am a combination of sleeping beauty and snow white with her seven dwarves.
9) my beliefs are simplicity, the littlest things count. I am “hope” and love with endless meaning. The little spark that can ignite any and everything.
10) I enjoy life now more than 10yrs ago. 10yrs ago was a high on the wrong values, “wants” and “likes”. Looking at from the beginning of the 10yrs going up it would seem disappointed as they were promising things in store for me but I gave them up. However as I progressed and reflected I am disappointed in life or God. In the past I was very angry with God and when I fought with him he fought harder by making my lessons more unbearable. The important thing is that I finally learned.
11) absolutely yes, God and I have a strong bond like husband and wife, a parent to a child etc..
12) I did lose faith, hope and belief in his existence in the 10yrs.
13) I am now “hope” “forgiver” “fighter” and “love”. I have become someone who does not dwell on earthly possession, I am a spectator, listener and guide. I did blame my circumstances and the roles of every person and things but in the end I thank them as they have contributed in my journey. It had been hard but in the end its extremely rewarding.

sue
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Teach i love this article especially the reflection questions. Im just getting the chance to read.

Es family im still with you all and teach no matter the time im always remembering you.

I am going to take thr whole of thr day to answer those questions

Natalie
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Natalie

Hi Ms. Obara,

I appreciate you for sharing your past experiences. It shows that we too can overcome our challenges and change who we are to become better persons.

The hardest part of my life is taking care of me. I have taken steps to change that. I begin each day with my affirmations.

I have changed for the better. I have learnt to let go of hurt, malice and forgive those who did me wrong. I have become ambitious and objective on a daily basis by paying keen attention as to how I can grow in my career and to affirm that I am good enough to overcome all challenges by setting my goals.

It is was rough but God kept me. I am glad I didn’t let go. There’s so much to life. I am a work in progress still trying to find my centre.

Everybody journey is different. I appreciate my family. My close friends are the same from All Age and the second grade in high school and one from my community where I grew up.

Am learning to appreciate and love myself. Whenever I get the chance once a week I visit my favourite coffee shop and meet up with my galpal and catch up. Nourishing and empowering each other as we embrace each day.

I have reached a point in my life where I embrace change. Comes what may I will face it head on. I am letting go of Toxic and non-progressive people in my life. My support group is a small one. I only want goodness in my life.

I love the person I am becoming.

You, Ms. Obara has given me a new outlook on my life from our first telephone conversation.

Stay blessed

Temmy
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Temmy

Thanks obara for sharing your life experiences. I’ve gone through many challenges in life both maritally and spiritually which l can’t begin to narrate but l thank God for keeping me and the strength to fudge on. Thou sometimes l wish l have some supernatural powers to deal with those that hurt me and cause me so much pain.

Thinking deeply, l thank them because the more they tackle me, the more l get closer to God who make me overcome. (omo ologo lo ma ni Ogun). I might as well been dead if not for God and l believe l will live to become what I’m destined to be.

God bless you.

Oto
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Hi ES family,
Thank you Ma for sharing your experiences and life lessons with us.
I can definitely say that in recent years I have had many experiences that has been challenging, yet life changing.

How have you changed?

My experiences in life thus far have humbled me greatly. I have started showing more gratitude to Olodumare for everything I encounter in this life, even those experiences that seem uncomfortable. Just what you say Obara, “There are no disappointments in life only lessons learned”.

Do you have resentments you harbor, or have you forgiven those who have hurt you somehow along life’s way? Are you a better person now, or are you bitter?

I have forgiven those who have hurt me, because now I realise that they have been my teachers all along, empowering me and guiding me to the place that I am meant to be. Without them, I would not have searched for answers. I now feel liberated and empowered to be who I am destined to be. I have also become a better person for it. I have learnt that there is good/balance in everything and so I make more of an effort to show people love and kindness, knowing that for every wicked act someone has shown me, I must double my efforts to send love and light to those I come across. I have noticed that this has allowed me to shed away the negative feelings I abhored and now I pray for those who seek to hurt me, those who are envious of me and try to send negative thoughts my way.

I have come to the realisation that I am who God says I am and that’s all I want to be. I am allowing myself to be guided by my spiritual guides, ancestors, angels, everyone assigned to me, so that the task God sent me to complete can be fulfilled here on earth and thereafter.

I think I’m starting to enjoy life, as I am becoming more knowledgeable about spirituality and that it goes way beyond what I have been taught in Church. I am learning about certain practices and what they mean; e.g giving food to my ancestors, praising God, particularly in a different language. As I learn more about the importance of doing these practices, I feel more peace and clarity coming into my life. I can think clearer, instead of always going by my emotions.

In the past, there were times I was angry at God, because I somehow thought he hated me, like he never wanted anything good for me. At those points, I felt he would give me one thing with one hand and then use the other hand to take it away from me. Now, I realise that he, the creator of everything, is and will always be my one true friend. Numbers 23:19 “God is not a man, so he does not lie. He is not human, so he does not change his mind. Has he ever spoken and failed to act? Has he ever promised and not carried it through?”

Intellectual Bhutu
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Intellectual Bhutu

Dearest Obara,

Thank you for sharing the intimate thoughts of your heart with us. The answers to the questions are listed below:

How have you changed?

I grew up thinking that I was rebellious but now it all makes sense. When I think of who I am at this point in life, it is clear that I needed the experience of making unpopular choices and pushing the boundaries. I am now much more confident with my belief. I have a clearer understanding of who I am,
and that changes everything.

Do you have resentments you harbor, or have you forgiven those who have hurt you somehow along life’s way?

I would say that I have forgiven most if not all persons who have hurt me. However, in some cases, mi jus dun wid dem, dem cease fi exist, Mi learn di lesson dem come fi teach an mi move gone to a next school.

Are you a better person now, or are you bitter like my friend and holding it inwards, where others sees it within you?
I am a better person now. However, there are some situations/issues which have become triggers and once they occur, even slightly I may lash out full force with the intent of protecting myself. I am way more expressive now so I will say how I feel and I let it go. Its way easier that way.

Are you more or less ambitious?
I’ve always been driven, always trying and doing…that brings me satisfaction. There is so much to do, afta ambition cyaa too much. Even though, sometimes when it gets a bit hard, I wonder why I couldn’t I be “normal” and not aim so much and so high…thats usually a phase 🙂

Judgmental or objective with all things?
This is a difficult one to answer as I think that even with objectivity there is always an underlying influence which may even be subconscious. In addition to that, I do not think that being judgemental is a “bad” thing – we all will have different views it just becomes a problem when you try to bombard someone with your conviction. I tend to be unconventional in my way of thinking so I keep my views to myself unless asked to share.

No sah, mi a get a werk when mi dun dis interview?

How do you treat yourself? Do you love you or are you disappointed in you and why?

I try to treat myself well because mi very precious. As I grow I learn to love myself more and more…I use to be disappointed but not anymore.

Are you the same as back then and you can honestly say you are better than before?
Mi tink mi ansa dis inna some a di odda questian dem

Where is your spirituality?
Cya ansa dis fully yet

What are your beliefs?
Neida dis

Are you enjoying life or or you disappointed in life, in God?
Mi aright wid how tings a gwan, mi jus need fi sort out an an two likkle tings and den mi good good from deh suh.

Do you still believe in God?
In a Divine Order, yes

Did you ever?

Who are you now, what have you become and who do you blame or thank for this?
I am that I am and I thank my Ori, my spiritual guides and my ancestors for leading me to the right places, people, situations/experiences….I can see clearly now.

Lover of light
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Lover of light

Hi Obara
I am always in grateful mood whenever it comes to you.

I have changed immensely over the past ten years. I was so firey but circumstances had made me that way and I have no regrets.
I have learned how to forgive and see people as souls that’s how I started to peel away the layers of resentment.
I don’t think I was ever a bitter person, I think bitterness stops you from learning or accept change.
I am super ambitious now I didn’t really care for man made title when I was younger even though I trained to be an early childhood educator and that’s because I really love children and wanted to protect them. But now I’m only interested in what God sent me here to accomplish.
I am very objective now, thanks Obara for that. Mi just love yuh cause you a cus them wid mi but in the end you always show me how to look at the situation through different eyes.
I don’t know but ever since I was a child I always tell people that I am royalty and I acted and treated myself that way, not the snob type though, I’ve always love myself.
I am a totally different person then before
I am so so much better I have woken up
and that’s the best feeling ever.
My Spirituality is steadily growing daily, when the universe sees that you’re living in Unison with its laws your life begins to to change and therfore continuation is a must
My beliefs are you must always honor the most high, life is like a stage and we are all playing a roll dressed in different costumes. Everyone as a purpose hereon earth and if we would stop pointing fingers and find it, our lives would be so gratifying.
What ever you want in life give it to the world it will always come back to you.
I am having the time of my life now I am like a kid in a candy store.
I have always believed in God my creator and I will always do so.
I am a soul within a body who as now awoken to the realization that I came to this realm with a good ori.
I am now becoming the me that I was created to be.
I thank God, I thank you Obara for the many lessons you have taught.
I thank the many authors who have written some good stuff. I am thankful for wisdom knowledge and comprehension.

Peace and love

Carpediem
Blogger
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Carpediem

I have had to change as a result of circumstances in life. But the change that has come from trials is due to my spirituality and realizing that everything happens for a reason.
As you always say, situations in life tends to open your eyes to people (whether family or friends) but it serves a great purpose. I always use the little Johnny example because it allows me to see how people are bad minded and don’t wish you well. I have learned to celebrate the goodness that comes to me with very few (2). I see myself as good person who have been burned by others, but i
also know that God is a constant presence in my life and he and the orishas never steer me wrong.
I don’t hold malice, but I am wiser to individuals who have hurt me and are envious. I am still ambitious even with all my trials and tribulations and I continue to aim high. For I have goals in life and never forgot them even when I was at my lowest point. I am thankful and grateful to God for bringing to this point in my life where I can enjoy it to its fullest. I have learned not to wish anyone bad but Obara, I have managed to see an enemy fall with the same trick she worked against me. God made me find out about the enemy within a week after it happened. I have never judged others for that is for God to do and not me. I believe in God even with everything I have gone through in the last 6
years. The situations that I have encountered in the last six years has not only renewed by Spirituality but allow me to see the life lessons that occurred was for a great purpose and to allow me to see the true nature of others who have obeahed me.

Thank you Obara, as always for schooling me in how to see the enemy..

Blessings!

Mscan
Blogger
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Mscan

Greetings Obara; thanks again for sharing ur journey along with ur knowledge. May God bless and keep you.

Yes I have change don’t socialize as much I’m somewhat a loner now because of how I’ve experienced people to be.
I don’t hate any of these individuals I’ve forgiven them for all the things they have done, just wish dem wudda leave me the hell alone.
I firmly believe I’m a better person as I wish bad on no one or wish to seek revenge when grow up I tend to seek revenge on anyone dat harm me if u lick me today and me run u down and nuh catch u best believe me ago catch even if a 50 year later me a lick u back . I don’t think like dat no more Me nuh feel bitter at all to these people. I swear people think I quite fine as what I’ve been going through not showing at all. I’m always smiling sometime mi nuh know seh mi a smile to rah.

I’m very ambitious I must say I’ve achieved somethings but have so much more to achieved from the goal I’ve set. I’m behind though on we’re I thought I be today but I know it’s not how early u start. So me still a have faith and a push jus wah dem busty ppl low me

Me judgemental or objective. I would say sometimes I am judgmental on certain things but I’m also objective I try to find reason behind things. Only ting me fah find the answer to is why ppl will spend dem last stay hunger walk and beg jus so another man live in a hell the same money can elevate demself eh Ms. Obara mi a put respect on u name (me read u blog me know u a hot gal weh love u stone love dance)

I do think I deprive myself of somethings me nuh do me hair and nails regular nuh more or go places go chill out but me love me self. I’m not disappointed in my self no more I’ve learn to just accept the choices I’ve made learn from them.

I’m way way better than I was before me nah bawl bawl again. I’ve gotten stronger but anytime I do reflect on what I’ve been through it bring tears to my eyes.

Spiritual honestly more while me confuse enuh gosh know. I grew up in the church but something is off. I’m currently searching spiritual.

My belief it’s a bit humbled now

At this moment I’m not enjoying life but I’m grateful I have it as once there is a will there is a way. I can only be disappointed in my decision but not life itself.

Yes I do believe in God no doubt about dat.

I’m just a young girl trying to figure out this thing call life seeking the truth. Life is nothing I’ve imagine becuz I was shield so much as a kid now learning the harsh truth so what I’m am a little confused but learning along my journey. I’ve become a person dat don’t trust ppl no more as it’s the ppl closest to u always wishing bad n do bad. Again I blame a decision i made after getting warning. This is the journey I’m on now hopefully it leads to a beautiful destination

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