I thought to include this post with the re -posting of The Power of Tears when in pain and distress , but I saw that it was too long and I did not want to test your attention span, so I made two posts instead which are in support of each other, it is the aforementioned post which made me write this one today, so take a little walk with me way back then, at a time when I thought I was alone and had no one.
Last night I sat by myself reminiscing of times gone by. I get that way sometimes, when I go off in thoughts remembering when I was younger and what I went through whether happy or sad, I believe we all do. Time has sped up very fast, because it seems to me that it was just yesterday that I was a child, and although I am grown and have my children, (possibly still rummaging around for one more, maybe), I still feel as if I am in my teens, and as I wondered about myself, I wondered about that feeling which is almost embarrassing for me to admit, but I do not feel my age, this may be a good thing. Last night as I went into deep thought,I realized that having a child when I myself was a child meant that I had to grow up fast. This may be the answer to me being stuck mentally in my teenage years, and if so, then it is quite alright, because as the saying goes, “You are as young as you feel”.
I opened the computer and looked through some of my old posts and I saw some very good ones, that I could not believe I had written, but as I read the stories over and knew it to be my own experiences there was no doubt as to who was the author. This particular story, brought me back to a time in my life when I didn’t know what to do or what was to happen to me and my children. The Wicked Baby Father, had gone about his business, and I was left with the children by myself with no way to earn or look after them and so the two younger ones were taken to Jamaica by the wonderful nanny. God Bless that Woman. It seemed to me as if the whole town rejoiced over my hurt, this may not be so, but while I went through this very painful time in my life, nobody, no one at all sought to comfort me in my distress. Looking back at it now, it didn’t bother me as much then, my mind went into survival mode. I had no time to feel sorry for myself, because I was too busy in my mind trying to figure out how I was going to survive. I had this huge apartment with a hefty rent attached, and four children to care for.
The wicked man had already showed that HE was not going to help us. He never looked back at us when he went through the door, and most of this was at the urging of his mother who had developed a resentment against me after he had come from prison and given me a hair salon, A big beautiful one. I was young and naive and thought that the woman and her set of she devil daughters, and the one day soon to be serial killer son,( maybe), which was her youngest son, would like me, but no such thing. The mother would come to my house and run her fingers along my furniture, checking for dust, also she and her devil daughters would come to my house once per week and pick up my small son clothes for them to wash, I wasn’t good enough, this is the first grandchild for the wicked mother in law and nephew of the sister of the wicked man who was their favorite. They, the family believed that the son had spent too much of his money on me (the Shop) and it seemed the whole town thought so also, because I was the target of everyone’s hate. If there were any quarrel between the wicked man and myself, he would complain to his mother (mamas boy) about me, she would call my mother and both of them would abuse me on the telephone together.
Often times my own mother would call and be on their side when they all came down on me. I had no one! There was even a time when I was so mentally beaten down by these people, that I dropped everything I picked up. I trembled all day everyday and my customers had to hold me up as I took them to the washing station to wash their hair. I remember going to my mothers house and wishing that she would hug me, I just needed a hug, I never asked and it never came. During those times the women (his women) would come to my shop, never inside, in cars out side, screaming and shouting that they were here to take him from me, and there was nothing I could do about it. They never approached me physically, because by now and with all the abuse that I was taking from everyone, I had learned to defend myself, with a bat, and I took it to them, so many of them had heard that I was not afraid to fight and so phone stalking, cussing from afar and Obeah became their tool against me. The years with that man was the most horrible, but the children that we produced are the kindest sweetest, most loving children, even the one who got too big for his breeches the other day. While he alone showed some of the fathers behavior he has since recovered, for the most part. My oldest child, my first girl is also my rock and my strength, my shield and protector. When my girls received initiation the other day, an Iyanifa looked through the oracle of my youngest girl, and then up at me, and said “You born your children in your own club, it is good that you brought them for initiation” .
I knew what she meant and immediately tears rushed to my eyes at the revelation. In this world my children are all I have. I have no other blood family but my children. So when the Iyanifa told me this during my daughters Osun initiation, I realized that I made a pact with my Egbe (astral mates) and theirs, to protect them and not let them suffer as I did. At sometime during my ordeal with my parents (as I grew) and the wicked man and his family, I traveled to the realm, in spirit and had a meeting with the elders there to spare my children from these Devils in human flesh who live in this world among us. As my children grew, they stayed close to me and friends passed them by, they did not have friends like other young people, they just plain and simple kept close to home and to me, no hanging out, parties, drinking or smoking, no bad behavior. This is a great achievement for a single mom who had NO help but from God, non-physical beings and my Nanny. They will have to receive an initiation into Egbe to release them of this pact which I had made for their protection, but the time is right now and they will be ok. I have made sure of it.
I am sorry, I did not mean to babble, but this is what happens when I remember these times and these people. Horrible people. Just in case you were wondering, no, I was never the aggressor in any of this. I never provoked any of these people. I never showed off to any of his family, the mother of this wicked man was just as wicked as he and perhaps the father, as quiet as he was. They all saw a girl, who had no one, or so they thought. My mother never stood up for me and neither did any of my family, so they all came down on me, But they had no idea, neither did I, that I had the biggest and the greatest support of my guides, my Ori (head, inner consciousness), my ancestors, God, my Orishas, all non-physical beings. When I cried out to God over the distress, pain, shame and sorrow that I was going through, especially when my mother would not help me, I was heard, but I knew it not. Help was to come, but I never knew, I thought God had forgotten me, yet I never quarreled with him. All that I went through made me who I am. My son told me that the grandmother is on her last legs, he is the only one who at times will talk to that side of their family, and my younger son has a cousin his same age who he seems close to.
I prayed for her and I am still praying. I know I said “cuss your enemies”, but now that I am older and a bit wiser, I realize she was no enemy, she was a great friend. All of them were great friends to me even though they were wicked and my tormentors, and THEY never knew. In the physical world it may seem that they were my great enemies, it had certainly seem that way to me as I went through it, but in the realm of spirit, I chose this life, therefore I chose these group of people, including my mother to come to this realm and treat me as such, so that I could find my way. They helped me find my path. I did not know it then, but I do now. They all played a role into the life of Obara Meji, unknown to them. This is how I look at it now, this is my truth. Granted, they may all have been wicked innately, but their wickedness assisted me. Below this post is a story of one of my experiences with my tormentors, but my help came from God quickly and amid sorrow and pain, I still had compassion!…
It will be one post today, I realize that when I make more than one post, there is no focus on them all, so I will go back into writing one per day. Let me know if you all agree. The post below is a re-post.
Ẹyìn tí yóò di epo, yóò tọ́ iná wò. /
A palm nut that would become palm oil would need to have a taste of fire….Yoruba Proverb!
[No pain, no gain]
All religions are valid as long as it teaches peace and love…Obara Meji!