Jealousy according to Wikipedia is an emotion which typically refers to the negative thoughts of insecurity, fear, and anxiety over an anticipated loss, of something of great personal value, particularly in reference to human connection. Wikipedia further states that jealousy often consists of a combination of emotions such as anger, resentment, hopelessness, and disgust. Jealousy is a universal human experience and has been observed in children as young as five months old, it is known also as the Green Eyed Monster, and In Jamaican culture it is known as Bad mind! Words which describes jealousy are; resentment, mental uneasiness, suspicion, fear of rivalry, unfaithfulness. Jealousy is a feeling, a disposition, state or a mood. Jealousy is no God damn good!
Jealousy is sneaky and wicked, it has access to everyone and so it uses this access to destroy families, relationships, marriages, long standing friendships, and more, also it separates and divides and it enjoys doing so. Jealousy is a spirit, a malevolent force which unfortunately can never be destroyed. It is here in this realm with us and we just have to accept that. What is worrisome about jealousy is that it sneaks up into your minds, your thoughts, often times you are not even aware that this son of a b*&#h is around, and many people do harm without realizing that they have been taken over by this ugly wicked being. There are many ways jealousy attacks, and I believe if we were taught from early to recognize this entity when it creeps into our hearts and minds and thoughts, we would possibly be able to recognize it when it comes around and therefore manage or deal with it better, I don’t know, just a thought.
For years from ever since I can remember, my senior sister had been bitten by the jealousy bug. We do not have the same father and when I was born my mom sent her to live in the country with my grandmother. I have no recollection of that, because by the time I was out of baby stage and could recognize people in my family, she was there. I remember her always telling me that I was not my parents child, she told me that I was found in a basket on my parents door steps and my mother took me in and told everybody that I was her child. This did not affect me, because I always believed she was joking, so I would at first be upset but then my intelligence kicked in, as young as I was and I shrugged it off as a joke or a lie. I never thought however that she was telling me these things out of her deep resentment for me. She would tell me stories at nights when we had gone to bed, that my father had beat her and ran her down with a machete, and that my other sister who was not my fathers child either had her fingers crushed under my father’s boots while she was polishing the floors in our house with a coconut brush as how we do in Jamaica. I believed her, and although I loved my father, I could not help but feel hurt for her and the other one because of the treatment she said they both received at the hands of my father.
There was a time long after our migration to America, that there was a discussion about the family, and I brought up to my parents the treatment of that sister. I had never liked it, after she told me and I use to ask my mother about the incidents, which she always denied. This was the first time bringing up the subject before my dad, but I suspect my mother had told him. This particular day, it was before I became pregnant with my first born, we had just had breakfast, the sister lived on he third floor of an apartment building in New York City with her family, husband and children, while we lived on the second floor, my parents, my junior sister and I. While talking around the table, we had just had our breakfast, I asked about the beatings in Jamaica by my father to my sister. I believed her, because my father use to beat my very badly after a while, and often for no reason at all. He smoked ganja, hard, who remember chilum pipe?, and people said it was when the ganja flew up into his head that he came after me. Story was about to come to bump (the story came to ahead), as we say in Jamaica, and when I brought the subject up that morning all hell broke lose.
I asked my parents what happened the day he ran after her with the machete, and my father looked at my mother and they both looked at me and told me that for years on and off they have heard me ask about this very same thing and even when they denied it, I still asked about it, and so today they were going to show me how wicked and how much of a liar I was. They called the sister downstairs to our apartment, she came. They told her that they were tired of me always asking (I would sometimes ask my mother, never my father as the evil girl had begged me never to say anything for fear of retaliation) about the maltreatment of them,( the sisters), by my father and wondered why I would say such a thing. The sister looked at me and asked me where did I get that story from, she did not stop with the question she continued to berate me calling me wicked and evil for bringing her name into something she had nothing to do with. At first I believed she was saying these things to protect herself, but while she yelled at me some invisible spirit knocked me in the head with the wake up and be sensible stick, and right then and there I began to realize that this girl had set me up. She had set me up against my parents.
I shouted back at her that she did tell me these things, ever since I was little and she denied it flat out and all of them screamed and shouted at me that day. That day I was the enemy, the wicked evil creature in the room. I heard my sister tell my parents that day, “And this is who you love, this wicked bitch, everything she told you is a lie, she just use me to hurt you both“, and my parents believed her. This was not to be the first or the last time this woman did this to me, she made it her mission to fuel hate between my parents and I. The sad thing is her reason for doing it stemmed from our differences in complexion. I was of fair complexion while she was dark. This distinction is clear and apparent in our Jamaican culture, color complex, fueled in recent times by Entertainer Vybz Kartel and it is what has given birth to the bleaching generation which stretches all the way to Africa and it is so sad.
While I grew up, because I was as Jamaican people called it “A Browning”, I was told that I would become, a Doctor, a Lawyer, Indian, Chief, head cook and bottle washer! In other words because of my complexion, doors would open for me, I was to become somebody in life. My sister witnessed these things which people including my parents told me. I was a child, I had no control over what people said to me, and at nights she would pinch me in my sleep and pull my hair. The girl began to feel jealousy toward me and a kind of resentment for me that is still with her to this day. Her greatest accomplishment to date against me has been to aid in the removal of my parents love for me. One day I will write more about her, this story is just the tip of the Iceberg which sank the Titanic.
Jealousy has touched everyone and for many different reasons. It has certainly touched me, but jealousy comes to me with my men or even with friends, when I thought I had them. When I am in a relationship, I always tell my men up front, (have not had many), that I am jealous and I should I ever know that they are flirting around or dating another or even just chatting up somebody, the relationship would be over. I am very possessive of whom I believe belong to me, and so I examined the feeling of jealousy when it came over me in relationships and realized that it was more than jealousy that I felt. Of course jealousy was apart of what I felt, but I also felt as if I was being violated. How dare someone cheat on me..! Me?.. I have always felt as if I was a Queen, in fact I am a Queen, (don’t criticize me, you be who you want to be, I Am A Queen!) and so, for someone to be with me and be with or even go after someone else was a violation to my Royal Spirit, and because I could not say “Off With Their Heads!”, I would end the relationship, if it were ever to be found that they cheated.
Of friends, when I had them, it was the same feeling, my friends were MY friends. If I came around my friends and they had other friends around, I didn’t feel right, I would leave (bad ways, mi know, but mi cudden help it, mi ah human being oonuh low mi). Again in my Royal mind (doan laugh), how dare I come around and have to compete my time with these other friends, is it weird to say these thoughts came to my head with an English accent? I do not have friends anymore, so with that there is no problem, and as for jealousy regarding a man or husband, that too has gone, perhaps, but I have not been challenged with that problem ever since the “Oh So Ever Wicked One!” (anyone new to the site, comment and ask who this is and either me or one of the bloggers will tell you and point you to his post, ole dranco). I can confidently tell you all that I have no feelings of jealousy what so ever, none! I have been released from that wretched emotion, I have!
Over all we should never subscribe to jealousy and we should recognize when it comes. We should pray against its manifestations, and never give in to its wiles. It is indeed a monster, one who has changed the lives of so many and have even caused death. It is the main character in almost every book or movie and even in the Bible it is stated that God says that He is a jealous God, lies! all lies, God has no human emotion, the bible lies right there. Don’t worry about me, I will gladly send up a light for your cigarette from my burning bed in hell which awaits me for calling the Bible a liar, but as I do not believe in hell or the Devil, I do not believe that your cigarette will ever be lit by me, as I do not condone smoking, unless its a little ganja,… what can I say…it is the Jamaican in me, and it haffi bun!
Jealousy is what created the monster Iago in Shakespeare’s play Othello, which destroyed so many peoples lives, including Othello. In Cinderella, jealousy raises its ugly head and beams it right off the wicked step sisters and the evil witch of a step mother, also in the Story Snow White among other fairy tales. We need to include when we pray that the spirit of jealousy be far away from us. We need to pray it away or pray against it. It does not belong to the realm of benevolence but rather it belongs to the realm of malevolence, and although it is a part of our earthly existence, and a long standing professor in the world, who is very good at its job, regardless of the consequences it bring forth, it can be defeated individually, if only you strengthen your minds and pray against it, and also pray for the ability to recognize it when it comes about and not give in to its wily ways of uncertainty, discord, dis-content, selfishness, hatred, resentment, low self esteem, insecurity, lies, deceit, murder manipulation, slavery and then some. Please share your stories of Jealousy with me today, I am sure you all have some, do not omit yourself from these stories, we have all been touched by this demon at sometime in our lives, either through family, relationships of a sexual nature, friendship, materialism, titles, complement, big ups among other things.
Bí igi bá rorò, ó níláti bá igbó gbé. /
Even if a tree is fearsome, it must still cohabit with the others in the forest….Yoruba Proverb
“All religion are valid as long as it teaches peace and love”…Obara Meji!
“Bad mind wuss dan Obeah”!…Jamaican Patois!
When emerging from humble beginnings, those around you tend to underestimate your authenticity because they knew you before you were ‘somebody.’ – Criss Jami
Life is one big road with lots of signs. So when you riding through the ruts, don’t complicate your mind. Flee from hate, mischief and jealousy. Don’t bury your thoughts, put your vision to reality. Wake Up and Live!
I think it’s important to get your surroundings as well as yourself into a positive state – meaning surround yourself with positive people, not the kind who are negative and jealous of everything you do.
The jealous are possessed by a mad devil and a dull spirit at the same time.