May 7, 2015 Obara Meji 42Comment

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My second child is a boy, a very handsome, loving son. I have written about him on this site before, but I cannot remember the title of the post. I want to share somethings about him and I while he was young and growing up, and this is due to the video below which I urge you all to watch and pay attention.

First let me tell you a little about me as a parent. As you all know I have two baby daddy or sperm donors (useless bums is the more accurate term, but I will not go there today, lol) because they were not real fathers at all, one for the first girl, my first born , read here, and the others for the (useless puppa number 2) wicked baby father, read here. None of these men were in their children’s lives as they grew and even till now in present time.

As a parent I grew my children with love, lots of love. I guess I wanted to fill the void of them having no father and and also me having no family or family support. I think it worked, because not one of them have ever displayed ” I miss daddy syndrome”. They are all functional human beings and I am very proud of all of them.

They say fisher man never says his fish is stink, but I would be one to share if there was any kind of problem or dis-function of any kind with them, I am that open, this is just who I am. I always listened to my children, never shunning or shrugging them off or having no time for them if they needed to say anything to me. I encouraged them to be themselves and I never forced them to do anything they did not want to do. I was very mindful to the psychological aspect of their lives, their emotional well being as well as their physical well being.

I did it all by myself with the help of God and my non-physicals beings. My son was the first for the wicked baby father and the second child for me, and while growing up he had some problems in school with learning. No, he did not have a learning disability, nor any mental disorder, he simply did not like school, he wanted to be home and play more than anything else. Books and a school setting did not interest at all.

I, as his mother knew this, but the school tried to force me into placing him in the Special Education program. I said no, hell no. Bad enough this boy did not have a father, I should now give him this stigma to carry around with him for life? No, I was not about to do that, especially when I knew he did not need it. He simply learned differently, and I was about to find out from him, what would assist him, I paid attention and I listened.

I was his only parent so I had to make that decision on my own and I stood up to the school and all the pressure they tried to put on me. I hired tutors for the boy, send him to extra lessons and more. The school asked me to have a school psychologist evaluate him, I allowed it, nothing was wrong with the boy according the the little short Jewish man who did the evaluation who seemed nervous while talking to me, but he needed an extra boost in his school work, so they strongly advised me placing him in their program, there was no diagnosis, and I did not expect any.

They tried to sell it (Special Education program) to me like a tourist package, telling me that it was a small class room setting, he would get more attention from the teachers and yawdy,yawdy, yaw!

I did not buy it, I was not a stupid woman, I cared and I had the strength of God and my ancestors behind me. They would not rail road me into doing what I did not want for my child!

I prayed morning and night about this, hoping that this did not make the boy, mean while my boy was a bright functioning student at home. I began to notice his interest in cartoons, and that he loved to read spider man, and all the Marvel comic book. His interest was in those kind of things. So I bought them in droves and upped his reading skills by allowing him to read as much comic books as he wanted. Then he told me he wanted Poke man cards, which had the descriptions of each Poke man character on them, the cards were ten dollars per pack, I bought them all. He remained in general Ed classes, after all where would he go?, I was not giving up. When the wicked father was around, my son attended catholic school. After he ran away from his children, I could not afford to keep it up and so public school had to do.

While the school saw some improvement in his work, this was due to the comic books, myself and expensive tutors who would come to the home, they still pressured me for the program, I still refused. I thought about the Sylvan learning center, and this is the only time I called the wicked father for help with paying for the tutoring there. I asked him to pay half the fee while I would shoulder the rest, he never gave a cent to any of the children needs, so I thought this he might consider helping me with this since I have never even taken him to child support court, or asked him for anything.

He agreed, but never hid from the phone calls after that, so I shouldered it all on my own. I eventually took my son and paid out of pocket to the Kennedy Child learning center for evaluation myself, instead of the school psychologist evaluating him again. It took all day (it seemed like that to me, the wait was very long while the did their evaluation) and the report was that he had “mixed expressive receptive learn disorder”.

This made no sense to me, I knew my son, and this made no sense, the boy was brilliant in speech/communication and he understood everything!

I contacted Advocate for children, (they are very good, at least to my experience). I was fighting the New York school system and I knew I needed extra help. I had all my papers, all the evidence of the tutors, Sylvan learning centers, and also the Kennedy Child center which I paid for the evaluation out of my own pocket. My child would not be placed into special education!!! Not on my watch!

I spoke to someone there and told them all that I have been going through with the schools and all that I did in support of my son, they asked me for the documents I had and I sent them. By now I was to have an hearing which they would try to force me to place my son in the program or they would send child protective services to me and try to remove my (enemy, I say my enemy, because this is a negative statement, remember word, sound power) child from the home.

Advocates for children assigned a lawyer to me, a white man who did not seem to care much, but trust me, he was the best, he probably was just tired or this was his personality which seemed nonchalant, because he fought so hard for us, I hail him wherever he is today. By this time ( when the hearing was drawing near) I had stopped the boy from going to school while awaiting the hearing so they (the school) opened up an ACS case for me, and sent one of their workers to my home. This was an invasion to me, but I complied and let them into the house to look around and into my cupboards and in the bedrooms to make sure the living environment was good and clean, it was.

In the end, the hearing took place and the haggard looking lawyer went in, harmed with all the documents I supplied him with and his own argument, the ACS case was dropped and the school disappointed in not getting their way to place MY child into special education. OOnuh clap mi!

I shortened the story of the fight with me and the school and their agenda because it would have been too long, but you all understand with what I have written the struggle I went through to protect my son, especially as a single mom!

Now my son is a bright young man (wid tuh much ooman) working hard and  trying to establish his own business, he is almost there. He has a very good job with a prestigious company and I could not be more proud. Talent landed him the position that he is in,and one day you all will hear hisname and know him, he is doing wonderfully. At times, in the past when he would get out of line with me, facety as a matter of fact,I would shake my head, in memory of how hard I fought for him. He is Irete Ogunda, a child of Ogun and I love him and the others very much

Eevn though the post is on which tells of my fight for my son against the New York school system, it also tells the story of never giving up, trusting your head and fighting for what you believe in. I was alone, no physical support from anyone, and with small children to care for. Love for my children and the strength of thought of never giving up, for battling anyone who dared me and my children gave me the drive to do all that I had and needed to do, and I won.

It is my story and it is yours also, never give up, you must fight!

 

I just love Dr. Umar Johnson please all of you continue to pray his strength up, when I see him, I hear the words “A star is born”…….. watch the video below.

 

 

Àrẹ̀mọ má jobì, má ròde ẹmu, kó lè dé ipò bàbá rẹ̀ ni. /
That a heir should desist from riotous living, it’s so he can succeed his father…….Obara Meji

[It is good wisdom to be open and take to good counsels; ultimately a good counsel is for the benefit of the one advised.]

Everything comes when it must, and everything happens for a reason, do not hurry your life, what is destined for you, cannot escape you, just keep the faith, be patient and be prayerful, filled with compassion, kindness and respect for all, let these qualities be among your name, God will fill in the rest…..Obara Meji!

 

All religions are valid as long as it teaches peace and love….Obara Meji

 

There are no disappointments in life, only lessons learned!….Obara Meji

 

 

 

 

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42 Comments on "BE STRONG- NEVER GIVE UP-KNOW THAT VICTORY WILL BE YOURS"

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NuNu
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NuNu

Good morning ESers, have an awsome day!

Ty
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Same to u Nunulita….

Pleasant good morning to all…

NuNu
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NuNu

Good morning folks! I hope you all had a great weekend and all the ES mom’s had a fantastic Mother’s Day yesterday.

Rosie
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Rosie

Happy Mother’s Day to Obara & ESP mothers! One love

Cami
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Cami

While I’m still sending out warm wishes, I want to send out greetings to the women that became mothers to children whose mothers left this realm early. Again, bless all tender hearts. ASE

Ty
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Ase!!!

Cami
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Cami

Yes, Ty…we can’t forget the mum of Little and big M. MTH.

Happy Saturday bloggers.

Cami
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Cami

HAPPY COMMERCIAL MOTHER’S DAY TO ALL MOMMYS!

BUT, Happy Mother’s day to all God Bless MOMMYS- all day, everyday. Blessed mums aren’t just recognized on one day, but everyday.

Obara, the fighter Mum
Ty, the solution Mum
Toy, not missing PTA Mum
Charlotte Brown, the split justice Mum
KB, “my” one son mum

To My, “maam bring you backside here” Mum…and to all the MUMS (including names not written) who nah take NO check or “cookie cut” their children, Live long and love strong.

Toy
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ASE!!! Waving to Obara Cami, Nunu, Yazzy , KB, Ty…i know I am forgetting a lot of you beautiful bloggers and peepers. I am waving Hi to you also. HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY to all the Mother’s here… I celebrate myself everyday. It is hard out here for a Mom… Cami and Yazzy, You will both will be mommy’s soon so I telling you Happy Mother’s Day. Putting it out in the universe.

Ty
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Ase!!!

Wanna also large up Mth, mi pardie….long time we no hold a ends …..

I am so proud to be with this wonderful group of people and I say cheers to you all…

Ty
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Ase…

TY
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Happy Mothers day to all the mothers, soon to be mothers, aunties, god mothers, grandmother etc…

We celebrate you all !!!

TY
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I do think the Jcans have something right when they place kids in technical schools who do not excel in traditional schools.

I have a male cousin who when we were kids could take apart the radio into tiny pieces and put it back together again and it still work…he was brilliant with his hands. However he did not do well in traditional schools. He was placed in a technical school and he did extremely well. He is a mechanic and now own his own business…

these technical schools have led to many people getting a trade and doing well…

KB
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Night gentle people Thank you Obara Meji you have played an intergal part in my fight to save my child. It has not been an easy journey as a single parent so I thank God and every person who helped me along the way. Parents fight for your children…they are special people that chose you as their parent.
I believe special ed should be discontinued. Every child learns differently and is intrigued by different subjects. Not every child likes reading or math, some are history buffs or mechicanical thinkers. Have u ever noticed that people diagnosed with ADHD or other attention disorders, attention is held by what they geniunely like…hmmm. Never give up, never, never give up.

Ty
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Manners…big up the esp crew and non physical posse

Ty
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I am glad you fought for your son Obara….he is lucky to have you….

I feel we often forget that we are all different and learn differently….we have different talents and when we are young, we are still figuring out our gifts and talents….the cookie cutter, one way lesson will not work for all kids….

I have two boys and they are two different individuals with different needs, different skills and different learning styles…

Standardized test only tell test preparation and good guessers….

Toy
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I love this post… I know this all to well and the principles will even try to explain the reasoning why your child should be in special ed

Ebony
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Beautiful day to everyone! Obara thank you for these powerful words of encouragement today. I can truly relate to the experience of having to fight as a single parent against all the odds to protect your child knowing that giving up could never be an option! I’ve had my share of fighting to do against both the legal system and my baby fadda during a child custody battle.

Cami
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Cami

Morning/Afternoon. I’m not a parent so “I don’t know” (lol while cutting my eyes), but I have and will continue to look out for children.

All that said…there are some “children” born into this world that parenting, medication or education can mold.

nyaha1
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nyaha1

Good morning good people.

Special education is like a place children’s spirits go to die (at best separate from them). When I was in college I got a job through a federal program to teach elementary children. The teacher and class I was assigned was special education 3rd grade. That classroom was one of the most horrible experiences I have had, as far as seeing children. There is a mixture of children with varying “issues”, some are “autistic”, some of developmental issues, others have behavioural issues, others have psychological issues, some have horrible parents and all are placed together. The medications some of the students are on make them zombies. Right before they take their medication (around 11/12 right before lunch) they turn into psychos. After the medication they become zombies. It is horrible.

If anyone has a child in special education PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE get them out! The main teacher was a great teacher but extremely overwhelmed. I remember two of my students one a little boy who is genius, he had a powerful spirit in the midst of all that mess. He learned, he was determined to learn. He asked very good thought provoking questions and excelled in the class. I would write his mother notes telling her to find out about getting him in a gifted class. When I saw her I would remind her. One day I broke down and told her, if you want to save your son get him out this class! She looked at me shocked BUT made every effort to get him out. I left the school before I saw him transferred to another class. The other student was a little girl. She believed she was stupid. She believed she would not read. I told her you have to study and practice. That is what everyone does. her mother did not care about her. She would do her wrong and buy her new shoes or a new outfit. That little girl was always hungry. I would go home exhausted and drained. One day as I was mediating it came to me, to be me. I am not their teacher, I am not hired by the state. I made it my mission to instill self-love and self-confidence. We would chat affirmations everyday. I made those children love something about them.

I bring this up to add to the post and comments. Our children are important and our responsibility. It is up to us to make sure they have want they need. We can’t supply everything but we have a tremendous amount to offer. Before I got married and had my child. I researched everything I could about education and read “Countering the Conspiracy to Destroy Black Boys” by Dr. Jawanza Kunjufu I bought all 4 volumes but only read the first one. I am not an educator but I am a woman. I KNOW I can do anything lol. And for children I will do everything. Its never too late 🙂

This post has hit me hard. Yesterday I read a friends post on facebook. A little girl is getting molested by her father and her teachers knew about it (its been 3 years since they raised the issue). They have not reported the beast (to my friends knowledge). I cannot understand (nor do I want to) how someone who sees a child everyday and knows they are living with a beast, who is raping them, can do nothing. In my opinion you are helping the beast. You too are horrible person. I pray this little girl is protected and finds peace in someone else’s home. I believe very strongly that children should be protected AND nurtured if anyone is intervening with either of the two or one, they should be removed.

Caroline British
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Caroline British

Good morning Prof and ESP family,
The more I read about your children’s fathers, the more I am convinced it was celestial intervention that kept them out of your children’s lives. They would have no doubt weakened your efforts to shower your children with love. I still believe children choose their parents, so they chose their respective fathers for good reasons. You did well Obara Meji. It is not easy being a single parent.

I liked this part “little short Jewish man who did the evaluation who seemed nervous while talking to me” lol…Jewish men who are deep into Kaballah know how powerful Black women are. They know!

I am not a fan of Umar Johnson, so I will respectfully decline to watch the video. Great post though Prof! Ps – I wanted to call you yesterday but I decided not to after seeing you were going to be busy that day. Are you free today?

Cher
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Cher

Good morning Obara and all beautiful members. Proud of you for fighting to the end of the race for your child. I too can relate, had a similar experience with my son. He started school ( Catholic School) this was considered minority private school to me at the time at the age of 2 1/2 years old because he was that smart and handsome, no help from the father despite him being super close with my son, he even named our son his first middle and last night but he was too possessive and controlling of me. I had to ran away from him, so he try to get back at me for leaving him by not helping me with my son. I was called by the school everyday that my son was super smart but had no social skills he was disruptive, every day I had to leave work to get him out of school. The father got involved one day with the school from the daily callings, ignorant self curse out the teachers in front of my son making matters worse. Had to take him out. Tried charter schools smaller settings no better, calls everyday to come take him out the school. I was not so strong as I am now and was young I did try punishing my son Jamaican upbringing for me, not making me happy looking back now. They started the pressure for special Ed, lawyers doctors Principal, I would not give in. Was so frustrating to me. Took him out again and started Catholic Schools again for the entire middle school ( lots of complaints again, never budge he went on to Catholic high school for the first year then he flunked out knowing they were very strict with grades and proper dressing. He told me did not like school i was sad to hear that since he was and is my only child. Piano lessons, karate basketball tutor every activities . He can pull down a computer and build back without training, he was born with technology gifts. Today he is doing his thing. Thank God! You are such an inspiration Obara, always sharing and giving people hope.

lady of the nile
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lady of the nile

Good Morning All , thank you !! for your words of encouragement, I have read so much inbetween the lines of this article, your lessons are very much appreciated. I hope you will also write about how to interact with our Non-physicals too. Your courage is amazing. Keep on, Keeping On.

God bless !

NuNu
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NuNu

Good morning folks! Round of applause to you Obara for fighting for your son. The school tried to push that psychological ‘issues’ bull on my aunt for my cousin too, and she was determined not to put him on any medication or special classes. He graduated high school and is now getting his degree. Dr. Johnson is right, the pharm companies just want to move those pills so of course they’re gonna find reason to throw them in our community

TY
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NuNu my sis, I was praying for youtoday and thought to tell you to get wedge heels for your shoes…you will have no problems walking in those for the big job and you can wear them all day and feel comfortable.

Courtney
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Courtney

I love this post this morning I can somewhat relate to this scenario because i was a child who hated school and thought it was a complete waste of my time. I always wanted to just be an artist and that is why my goal is to open a performing/fine art school. I was bored and I never had to try hard to do well,m y dad always says you have to parent your child according to thier personality. I was always big on freedom even though i was a reader and homebody once i did well im school i was allowed to do whatever my heart desired.

I really have a soft spot for children and thank my guides everyday for keeping me childless at the moment I have a temper im trying to control and these men are try take me out my happy place. I heard a story at work this week about a man who has a teenage daughter she called him because her mother told her to tell him she needed food and after forever he took the child two loaves of frozen bread from the bowels of the freezer. I was speechless and stunned and disgusted. I would have unlocked my jaw and eaten him alive. i admire all single mothers your burden is not light. Dr Umar is one of my favs love a man with a brain. He keeps my hope alive because many of them leave much to be desired.

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