It is hard to trust in this life. Almost everyone you meet while travelling along life’s way has an agenda, I said almost. Trust is something very precious and valuable to give but unfortunately there are sinister people who take advantage of trust given to them. When I met The Big Bad Wolf, I trusted him, he gained it by being my friend, by listening to me, by being there for me, all the while gently waiting to seduce me, naive and trusting as I was, I knew it not, I trusted him.
Yet never pouncing on me, nor even trying to woo me. I had no attraction to him as a girl would to a boy, I never saw him in that light, yet after some time I found myself pregnant for him, after one indiscretion. I cannot tell you how it happened, I can only tell you that I cannot regret it, because I love my daughter, she is a gift to me.
I have always been trusting as a young girl growing up, and even when I entered adulthood, and although I had met some very bad people, been betrayed by many, I still had the ability to trust. I refused to see everybody in the same light. I believed deep into my heart that good people were out there. I knew I was one, and so I knew there were others, I could not be the only one.
I admit that I can be naive at times, it is an astrological fault of my birth sign, Aries, they say we are strong, brave, natural born leaders, Queens and Kings among other very strong descriptions, but sadly naive, and I fear that there is some truth to this, after all there has to be balance in everything. This naivety, for me, comes from trusting and believing in people. I cannot tell you how many times I have cried at the betrayal of people whom I trusted and believed in. All my relationships prior to this one, were with wicked men who cared only for themselves, taking advantage of my trust. Even my mother let me down. She never sided with me against an enemy, she took their side, and I am yet to understand to this day why!
I am someone who have always prided myself to being trustworthy. I become indignant if anyone question my integrity or if I can be trusted, because I know deep down who exactly I am, and my capabilities. Once upon a time, people went off the word of another. “I give You my word! was all it took to get a loan or to get a contract, or to gain trust. In these times, these words means nothing, and it is such a great pity, because when you do not have trust then hope is most certainly lost.
A house wife trusts her husband to be faithful to her, she sits at home, doing her chores behaving herself as a good wife should , and believes that he will honor their relationship and not cheat on their marriage, she trusts that he will be truthful and honor her love for him as she honors him, she trust that he will never expose her to the deadly diseases of the world, nor betray her in any way. He is her husband, he will never do that, she knows this and she is relaxed. The same goes for the husband, he trust his wife and believes in their relationship, he knows that she will never violate their bond and so he relaxes.
If only the world could b like that for everyone, and there are relationships out there that honors all that which is supposed to be, but then there is the other side of the coin. Something very hard to deal with.
Parents send their precious children to school, trusting the institution and those working within to care for them and send them back home safe and sound, the children trustingly go and are obedient to their teachers and Head Masters or Head Mistress. They know that they will not be hurt under their care. Again, there are some who violates the trust so carefully placed in their hands.
People seek the services of their Pastors and Bishops for counselling, if they have a problem. They trust that they will not be judged, or their confidence violated, They seek to get advice, or just to have a listening ear, not become victims of the counselors perhaps predatory ways, or be black mailed later on. Trust is always important.
When the missionaries came to Africa to spread their gospel and destroy Africa, it was the trust of Africans they sought to gain first, before they could accomplish their deadly plan. Africa has since been unable to recover from their violation.
This week one of our sometime blogger asked me if she could post the Invitation on Face Book, she is a loving person, a very god human being, I like her a lot, her intentions were pure and good. At first I thought it would be HER Face Book page it would be posted on and so I agreed, but then she told me that it would be her friends page, I still agreed. She sent me the responses and most were very negative, I was so hurt. I spoke to blogger Ty about it yesterday and she helped sooth my ruffled feelings, and helped the pain I felt, mi nah lie, an oonuh nuh laugh afta me, lol
Some people said people should be careful that I they don’t end in in my cooking pot, and more, the comments are too vile to be repeated, maybe I am too sensitive ( although I do not believe I am, I am loving, but never too sensitive), but it was very painful to me. I immediately told the blogger to have her friend remove it. I then went to check my G mail and found that two of the people from the page contacted me for details about the trip. I responded to them both sending them my phone number and asking for theirs, in case they felt Africa too expensive to call. I did that, because I wanted them (who were not my bloggers) to hear a real person speak to them, since they do not know me nor have they ever heard of me, which was some of the comments on Face book while they strung me up for a hanging!
I thought to myself, “Such a pity, that the inhabitants of the world have destroyed the meaning of trust, because here I am, a genuinely good person with good intentions, not having any agenda, or bad intention with this invite and here were people making a joke out of someone as kind natured and loving as me, O ma Se O!..The pain was too much, I lost my appetite for the day, I was very bothered.
One responded that I should skype with him instead (he wrote in CAPS), and the other was very rude, and by this I mean responding with EXCLAMATION POINTS, saying that they would not send their phone number (remember I had sent my own, but the response suggested the nerve of me asking for their number! like mi aguh stalk dem, oonuh si de libatty?), they said I should send the itinerary and if they have any questions then they would let me know…a bag ah exclamation afta dat. (Another me ooda email ah proper “guh suck yuh mumma”, but mi ah madda ooman and Osun representative, suh mi Kibba and quat!).
Standing on ceremony, when yuh waan cuss some big duttie bad wud, painful ei nuh man! But I stood……., on ceremony that is.
I responded that I wrote the invitation on my blog for my bloggers and peepers, and it was a blogger who opted, with my permission to share it on Face Book, I did not invite the world!
First let me say, that this sometime blogger, is very nice. I am happy to have met her (well not actually met, but you get what I mean), and by doing what she did, she only want to help me by getting more people to come on the trip, because she genuinely likes me and the blog, she is a good person. She felt bad at the responses and told me so in the email she sent me with the comments.
I was deeply hurt by this, because as I said up top, I become indignant when my character is questioned. My husband was at the Palace, where he goes for their chiefs meeting twice per week with the King of our town. When he came home he saw me looking somber. He asked me what was wrong and I told him the unfavorable and down right insults which were given to the post and he sat beside me and said.
“Honey, you cannot blame them, calm down”…He said that in this world where we live there are so many deceptive wicked people out there, it is hard for people to trust, worse people they do not know. He said granted, they did not have to be so insulting or rude in the comments, but again they saw an invite and right away thought of scam and deceit, it is the way of the world he said, do not let it get to you.
I sat on the couch in my parlor while he went into the room to change and pondered on what he said for a while, and finally calmed down enough to realize that he was absolutely correct. Gone are the days of trust. It was very brave of me to invite you all, my bloggers and peepers to come to Nigeria to me, and none of us knows each other, other than being a family here on the blog. Yet I did the invite because I do feel as if I know you all, personally. I do feel as if you all are my family, and I trust all of you and hope that you all trust me too.
As I typed the invitation, I imagined all of us on the compound in Africa (I can be childishly silly at times, and I love it), dancing to the drummers in the yard. I imagined Cami, in her shades sitting under our mango tree, Cami has some white (I imagine her like this) pretty teeth, so mi si har with a Colgate grin, at a secret joke she made to her self, Ty and Yw under the tent outside sipping some lemonade while feeling the cool African breeze watching the old women dance to the drummers, I saw Nunu curiously looking at Esu’s shrine and Yazzy laughing at Nunu’s facial expression. I saw Kia, MTh and Toy in a conversation and a smiling Charles some where in the mix. I saw me and Sea Queen talking and my husband smiling with all of us, you all get the drift. While I typed the invitation, I saw all of us here together in Nigeria having a great time. I am sincerely a loving person.
I knew that you all would not hesitate to come, and I also knew that I would spare no expense just to make you all happy and enjoy your trip, safe with me and my husband. This trip is not a money venture or of gain for me or the Otun Araba, if anything, it will cost us plenty, but I genuinely wanted all of you, my people, (peepers included) to experience Africa and our tradition here, first hand, and with me Obara Meji, someone you trust.
As I said earlier, I have been deceived by many people along life’s way, because I trusted them. My own God mother who has since died, violated my trust. So did my Jamaican Oluwo and others I have met through my journey in life, and so I am cautious, but I still believe that there are trustworthy people out there,they maybe few and far in between, but they exist. I am one, of that I am sure.
Even little children and dogs seeks to establish trust before they will be at ease with people.
It is never good to take advantage of a persons trust. If you are placed into a position of trust, please honor it, because it is a special gift and very rare nowadays.
Trust is important in life, without trust, life becomes intolerable. How can people have relationships , good and meaningful relationships without trust? Trust is fundamental to life. Without trust paranoia sets in, without trust your are plagued with a sense of doom. Lack of trust destroys marriages and makes intimacy impossible. We ought to be able to trust, but there are so many wicked people in the world that it makes it hard. The Jerry Springer show is about misplaced trust, often times seeing lovers confess their sins to their unsuspecting partners. Even in the work place, back stabbers looms, but can we live our lives in doubt and fear because of lack of trust? This would surely drive many insane. Doctors would have no patients and police would be out of work, the world would be in even more chaos.
The people on Face Book who made disparaging remarks about me (dem class me up bloggers, class mi to de grung, dem put mi inna one big duttie scandal bag!!) I admit that they do not know me, they have not heard of me or the blog and they have the right to distrust mnay things in their life, but I do not believe that they should have been so insulting, being that they do not know me, and the person who the Face Book belongs to, had to be jokingly excusing himself almost apologizing to them, saying that he only posted it as a favor to his friend, that is our blogger.
Lack of trust brings misery and many hurtful things. I urge all people (big ambition mi have in writing this) to respect the trust given to you in life, in any area of your life. Never violate a persons trust, care for people as you would want them to care for you. Love conquers all. Learn to trust, and carry yourself in a manner where people will trust you. Be smart, because the world is filled with sinister people, but also remember that good people still exist, so keep Hope alive!
Bloggers and Peepers and even sometimers, by now I know that you realize that I share most of the happenings of my life, emotions and deep feelings with you daily, I trust you not to judge me! lol, I trust you!
Love all, trust a few, do wrong to none.
Trust is the glue of life. It’s the most essential ingredient in effective communication. It’s the foundational principle that holds all relationships.
The trust of the innocent is the liar’s most useful tool.
Whoever is careless with the truth in small matters cannot be trusted with important matters.
For every good reason there is to lie, there is a better reason to tell the truth.
You may be deceived if you trust too much, but you will live in torment if you don’t trust enough.
Learning to trust is one of life’s most difficult tasks.
Great sins of the world occurs because of misplaced trust or lack of judgement, to violate someones trust is to violate God, be the best human being you can be, let trust be one of the pillars of which your character is built on, honor yourself with this great compliment!….Obara Meji!
Ọmọ tó bá mọwọ́ wẹ̀, á bá àgbà jẹun. /
A child that knows how to wash his hands will eat with the elders……Yoruba Proverb!
[If you would identify those ahead of you and learn to relate well with them, you would be favoured with uncommon privileges]
All religion are valid as long as it teaches peace and love…. Obara Meji!
There are no disappointments in life, only lessons learned!….Obara Meji