February 23, 2015 Obara Meji 43Comment

 

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It is hard to trust in this life. Almost everyone you meet while travelling along life’s way has an agenda, I said almost. Trust is something very precious and valuable to give but unfortunately there are sinister people who take advantage of trust given to them. When I met The Big Bad Wolf, I trusted him, he gained it by being my friend, by listening to me, by being there for me, all the while gently waiting to seduce me, naive and trusting as I was, I knew it not, I trusted him.

Yet never pouncing on me, nor even trying to woo me. I had no attraction to him as a girl would to a boy, I never saw him in that light, yet after some time I found myself pregnant for him, after one indiscretion. I cannot tell you how it happened, I can only tell you that I cannot regret it, because I love my daughter, she is a gift to me.

I have always been trusting as a young girl growing up, and even when I entered adulthood, and although I had met some very bad people, been betrayed by many, I still had the ability to trust. I refused to see everybody in the same light. I believed deep into my heart that good people were out there. I knew I was one, and so I knew there were others, I could not be the only one.

I admit that I can be naive at times, it is an astrological fault of my birth sign, Aries, they say we are strong, brave, natural born leaders, Queens and Kings among other very strong descriptions, but sadly naive, and I fear that there is some truth to this, after all there has to be balance in everything. This naivety, for me, comes from trusting and believing in people. I cannot tell you how many times I have cried at the betrayal of people whom I trusted and believed in. All my relationships prior to this one, were with wicked men who cared only for themselves, taking advantage of my trust. Even my mother let me down. She never sided with me against an enemy, she took their side, and I am yet to understand to this day why!

 

I am someone who have always prided myself to being trustworthy. I become indignant if anyone question my integrity or if I can be trusted, because I know deep down who exactly I am, and my capabilities. Once upon a time, people went off the word of another. “I give You my word! was all it took to get a loan or to get a contract, or to gain trust. In these times, these words means nothing, and it is such a great pity, because when you do not have trust then hope is most certainly lost.

 

A house wife trusts her husband to be faithful to her, she sits at home, doing her chores behaving herself as a good wife should , and believes that he will honor their relationship and not cheat on their marriage, she trusts that he will be truthful and honor her love for him as she honors him, she trust that he will never expose her to the deadly diseases of the world, nor betray her in any way. He is her husband, he will never do that, she knows this and she is relaxed. The same goes for the husband, he trust his wife and believes in their relationship, he knows that she will never violate their bond and so he relaxes.

 

If only the world could b like that for everyone, and there are relationships out there that honors all that which is supposed to be, but then there is the other side of the coin. Something very hard to deal with.

 

Parents send their precious children to school, trusting the institution and those working within to care for them and send them back home safe and sound, the children trustingly go and are obedient to their teachers and Head Masters or Head Mistress. They know that they will not be hurt under their care. Again, there are some who violates the trust so carefully placed in their hands.

 

People seek the services of their Pastors and Bishops for counselling, if they have a problem. They trust that they will not be judged, or their confidence violated, They seek to get advice, or just to have a listening ear, not become victims of the counselors perhaps predatory ways, or be black mailed later on. Trust is always important.

 

When the missionaries came to Africa to spread their gospel and destroy Africa, it was the trust of Africans they sought to gain first, before they could accomplish their deadly plan. Africa has since been unable to recover from their violation.

 

This week one of our sometime blogger asked me if she could post the Invitation on Face Book, she is a loving person, a very god human being, I like her a lot, her intentions were pure and good. At first I thought it would be HER Face Book page it would be posted on  and so I agreed, but then she told me that it would be her friends page, I still agreed. She sent me the responses and most were very negative, I was so hurt. I spoke to blogger Ty about it yesterday and she helped sooth my ruffled feelings, and helped the pain I felt, mi nah lie, an oonuh nuh laugh afta me, lol

 

Some people said people should be careful that I they don’t end in in my cooking pot, and more, the comments are too vile to be repeated, maybe I am too sensitive ( although I do not believe I am, I am loving, but never too sensitive), but it was very painful to me. I immediately told the blogger to have her friend remove it. I then went to check my G mail and found that two of the people from the page contacted me for details about the trip. I responded to them both sending them my phone number and asking for theirs, in case they felt Africa too expensive to call. I did that, because I wanted them (who were not my bloggers) to hear a real person speak to them, since they do  not know me nor have they ever heard of me, which was some of the comments on Face book while they strung me up for a hanging!

 

I thought to myself, “Such a pity, that the inhabitants of the world have destroyed the meaning of trust, because here I am, a genuinely good person with good intentions, not having any agenda, or bad intention with this invite and here were people making a joke out of someone as kind natured and loving as me, O ma Se O!..The pain was too much, I lost my appetite for the day, I was very bothered.

 

One responded that I should skype with him instead (he wrote in CAPS), and the other was very rude, and by this I mean responding with EXCLAMATION POINTS, saying that they would not send their phone number (remember I had sent my own, but the response suggested the nerve of me asking for their number! like mi aguh stalk dem, oonuh si de libatty?), they said I should send the itinerary and if they have any questions then they would let me know…a bag ah exclamation afta dat. (Another me ooda email ah proper “guh suck yuh mumma”, but mi ah madda ooman and Osun representative, suh mi Kibba and quat!).

 

Standing on ceremony, when yuh waan cuss some big duttie bad wud, painful ei nuh man! But I stood……., on ceremony that is.

 

I responded that I wrote the invitation on my blog for my bloggers and peepers, and it was a blogger who opted, with my permission to share it on Face Book, I did not invite the world!

 

First let me say, that this sometime blogger, is very nice. I am happy to have met her (well not actually met, but you get what I mean), and by doing what she did, she only want to help me by getting more people to come on the trip, because she genuinely likes me and the blog, she is a good person. She felt bad at the responses and told me so in the email she sent me with the comments.

 

I was deeply hurt by this, because as I said up top, I become indignant when my character is questioned. My husband was at the Palace, where he goes for their chiefs meeting twice per week with the King of our town. When he came home he saw me looking somber. He asked me what was wrong and I told him the unfavorable and down right insults which were given to the post and he sat beside me and said.

 

“Honey, you cannot blame them, calm down”…He said that in this world where we live there are so many deceptive wicked people out there, it is hard for people to trust, worse people they do not know. He said granted, they did not have to be so insulting or rude in the comments, but again they saw an invite and right away thought of scam and deceit, it is the way of the world he said, do not let it get to you.

 

I sat on the couch in my parlor while he went into the room to change and pondered on what he said for a while, and finally calmed down enough to realize that he was absolutely correct. Gone are the days of trust. It was very brave of me to invite you all, my bloggers and peepers to come to Nigeria to me, and none of us knows each other, other than being a family here on the blog. Yet I did the invite because I do feel as if I know you all, personally. I do feel as if you all are my family, and I trust all of you and hope that you all trust me too.

 

As I typed the invitation, I imagined all of us on the compound in Africa (I can be childishly silly at times, and I love it), dancing to the drummers in the yard. I imagined Cami, in her shades sitting under our mango tree, Cami has some white (I imagine her like this) pretty teeth, so mi si har with a Colgate grin, at a secret joke she made to her self, Ty and Yw under the tent outside sipping some lemonade while feeling the cool African breeze watching the old women dance to the drummers, I saw Nunu curiously looking at Esu’s shrine and Yazzy laughing at Nunu’s facial expression. I saw Kia, MTh and Toy in a conversation and a smiling Charles some where in the mix. I saw me and Sea Queen talking and my husband smiling with all of us, you all get the drift. While I typed the invitation, I saw all of us here together in Nigeria having a great time. I am sincerely a loving person.

 

I knew that you all would not hesitate to come, and I also knew that I would spare no expense just to make you all happy and enjoy your trip, safe with me and my husband. This trip is not a money venture or of gain for me or the Otun Araba, if anything, it will cost us plenty, but I genuinely wanted all of you, my people, (peepers included) to experience Africa and our tradition here, first hand, and with me Obara Meji, someone you trust.

 

As I said earlier, I have been deceived by many people along life’s way, because I trusted them. My own God mother who has since died, violated my trust. So did my Jamaican Oluwo and others I have met through my journey in life, and so I am cautious, but I still believe that there are trustworthy people out there,they maybe few and far in between, but they exist. I am one, of that I am sure.

Even little children and dogs seeks to establish trust before they will be at ease with people.

It is never good to take advantage of a persons trust. If you are placed into a position of trust, please honor it, because it is a special gift and very rare nowadays.

 

Trust is important in life, without trust,  life becomes intolerable. How can people have relationships , good and meaningful relationships without trust? Trust is fundamental to life. Without trust paranoia sets in, without trust your are plagued with a sense of doom. Lack of trust destroys marriages and makes intimacy impossible. We ought to be able to trust, but there are so many wicked people in the world that it makes it hard. The Jerry Springer show is about misplaced trust, often times seeing lovers confess their sins to their unsuspecting partners. Even in the work place, back stabbers looms, but can we live our lives in doubt and fear because of lack of trust?  This would surely drive many insane. Doctors would have no patients and police would be out of work, the world would be in even more chaos.

 

The people on Face Book who made disparaging remarks about me (dem class me up bloggers, class mi to de grung, dem put mi inna one big duttie scandal bag!!) I admit that they do not know me, they have not heard of me or the blog and they have the right to distrust mnay things in their life, but I do not believe that they should have been so insulting, being that they do not know me, and the person who the Face Book belongs to, had to be jokingly excusing himself almost apologizing to them, saying that he only posted it as a favor to his friend, that is our blogger.

 

Lack of trust brings misery and many hurtful things. I urge all people (big ambition mi have in writing this) to respect the trust given to you in life, in any area of your life. Never violate a persons trust, care for people as you would want them to care for you. Love conquers all. Learn to trust, and carry yourself in a manner where people will trust you. Be smart, because the world is filled with sinister people, but also remember that good people still exist, so keep Hope alive!

Bloggers and Peepers and even sometimers, by now I know that you realize that I share most of the happenings of my life, emotions and deep feelings with you daily, I trust you not to judge me! lol, I trust you!

 

Love all, trust a few, do wrong to none.

William Shakespeare

Trust is the glue of life. It’s the most essential ingredient in effective communication. It’s the foundational principle that holds all relationships.

Stephen Covey

 

The trust of the innocent is the liar’s most useful tool.

Stephen King

 

Whoever is careless with the truth in small matters cannot be trusted with important matters.

Albert Einstein

 

For every good reason there is to lie, there is a better reason to tell the truth.

Bo Bennett

You may be deceived if you trust too much, but you will live in torment if you don’t trust enough.

Frank Crane

Learning to trust is one of life’s most difficult tasks.

Isaac Watts

Great sins of the world occurs because of misplaced trust or lack of judgement, to violate someones trust is to violate God, be the best human being you can be, let trust be one of the pillars of which your character is built on, honor yourself with this great compliment!….Obara Meji!

 

 

Ọmọ tó bá mọwọ́ wẹ̀, á bá àgbà jẹun. /
A child that knows how to wash his hands will eat with the elders……Yoruba Proverb!

[If you would identify those ahead of you and learn to relate well with them, you would be favoured with uncommon privileges]

All religion are valid as long as it teaches peace and love…. Obara Meji!

There are no disappointments in life, only lessons learned!….Obara Meji

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43 Comments on "TRUST – A NECESSARY BUT HARD THING TO DO"

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Cami
Blogger
Cami

Obara! whey kinda FB issue you have wid ram goat babies? Girl don’t let me have to create a page and defend it…TAN OVA HERE and you won’t attract sleeping dogs, this is “sacred ground” over here.

Me is a war boat and where you and others will restrict onu words i’ll just go off and hurt some feelings to defend you and the whole a IFA! You write a bout Ochun being a bit slow to provoke…I don’t think all her heads are too slow to anger though.

Yazzy
Blogger
Yazzy

Love and light alllll my sweeties!!

I’m so overwhelmed with the show of love and support from our “peepers” that have used this opportunity to come forward to be a major part of our ESP blog family.

Thank you sooooooo much for the show of love and support and respect to our new ESP bloggers Cher, Unruly, Vanessa, Rosie, Joy and Melinda. We appreciate you all so very much. We have all been inspired by Obara’s tireless efforts to educate us and assist us on our spiritual journey….

Iron sharpen iron so thanks for coming forth. We are small in numbers but nonetheless amazingly loving and embracing.

Don’t be strangers (as I have been lately lol) and major hugsssss and kissesssss to you all and all the other peepers that I predict will continue to come forward and interact and become a part a lifestyle of amazingly beautiful people!!!

Big up to mi ESP fam!!

Ps… Di duttty cruf need fi watch mi post dem and see how fi use EXCLAMATIONS AND CAPS!!

Cami
Blogger
Cami

lol.

I have trust issues, mostly with females and the word “friend” and no inspirational words can change that. Experience teaches me well.

Rosie
Blogger
Rosie

Hello all. Obara I’m so sorry your feelings were hurt. You have helped many of us along this journey and while I’m still learning, I’m truly thankful for your insights.

MTH
Blogger

Respect to the Peepers who came out to show love and unity. Cher, Unruly large up. Vanessa bless up Queen. Mi sey when mi a read mi brain juss chip..Mi did waan cuss bare claat den sey ax pardon (as Nunu teach mi). However mi memba Cami, wey sey mi head too hat. Teach, mek dem kiss out wey yu nuh have..Yu sen guh call nun a dem? Mek dem move dem natsy raas. Mek dem gwey wid dem friggry, guh all si some a dem to. Wi well satisfied wid the numbers. A we say quantity over quality. Mi like Unruly already, is a pity di whole lot a dem nuh drop dung some stairs and dent up dem kaka. All Mr. Man wid di bag a exclamation, a wey him fram..Go sit cha ass down…aint nobody got time for you.

Teach, nuh pay dem nuh mine. Teach, look how wi a guh silence di critics. After the event, you post pictures of us enjoying the tour. You have my permission to use my picture (big yeye and all) for any promotional activity. We gonna show those nasty people. Just they wait on see.

MTH
Blogger

Morning my fambo, hope all is well. Teach, it hurts so deeply to know that you have suffered so much pain in doing something that was meant to be good and fun. Like, your husband, I do agree that they do not know you and the first thought was that it was a scam. People are very distrustful of Africans, especially the Nigerians. HUsh mi Teach, the people who know and love you, will be there. I cant wait to see you and all the very close ES family members.

Ty
Blogger

Morning….had to share this laugh wid unno ….

http://youtu.be/L7r5YdrXYYg

Yazzy
Blogger
Yazzy

Good night mi sweet sweet Obara and all my other sweet sweet big sisters and brothers!!

Two blanks fi di peepers dem caz unuh is also family!

I feel something is distracting me from being here! Obara check it fi mi deh!! Dem a try Obeah mi from ova ya!! What a piece a sinting caz fi mi Obeah stranga!!

I’m always greeted with really great post when I return…mans not saying that this isn’t one, but I’m so hurt by the insults thrown at my love that my heart is a bit broken that you had to deal with all that shit and I’m so happy you were able to lean on my sweet sissy Ty and your hubby and then what I love about you is… You’ve mastered how to quickly deflect and release dutty nassy energy weh run up pan yuh like gun man dung a Fletcher’s land.. Di ole nastiness dem only know how fi torment ppl pan line but bet dem nuh know shit bout how fi wash dem arm ‘ole??

When faced with something that you are clueless about, you simply FUCKIN INQUIRE, don’t??????? Dem just fuckin illiterate and classless… Dem only know how fi hit “like” fi total bullshit but anything to improve their quality of life dem tun dem back to… But yuh cyah blame dem caz dem life is really not dem own caz dem dem too busy inna oda pplz bizniz!

Dis nuh have shit fi do wid chus… Is bare termite wi live ‘mongst now! Social media have dem like some brainless bats! This has nothing to do wit nuh chus… Chuss mi. I’m positive when we were in school at some point in our young lives when the mind was more receptive of learning and more inquisitive and when we had an imagination … we all have heard of planned trips to destinations we have never been to and we were all eager to learn, correct?? We Neva care weh wi parents wah get di money from but all wi know seh it beta run fi wi guh pan class trips and site seeings and all these marvels life has to teach… So what’s the difference now??? Di ppl dem too busy being constipated wid shit!! Dem sick mi stomach! Obara dem cyah class yuh caz yuh have up yuh knowledge and yuh nah kill up yuh self fi the material things in this life… Dem need fi kiss mi ass!

Mi not even wah stawt pan di one dem weh a come throw insults and a ACT like chuss (trust) is the issue here but dem fucked up morals fly chuuuu di winda if a rich sugardaddy/sugarmami eva tap dem pan dem shoulder and seh “WORL TOUR” yuh see how quick dem pack bag and run gone guh dash out fi a few flyer mileage! And den guh back pan di sed FB a pose! ! Weh mi seh??? Dem sick ‘tomach!! #BRAINLESS BATS!!

And di two c$&ksuckers weh guh to di extreme and reach out to Obara inna di ooman email just fi come finish dash di unuh insults… Mi pardon unuh caz mi know seh a let unuh let loose caz mi sure smaddy have unuh a tun unuh inna human toilet! The Nerve of them to be acting like dem fecal matter can be manipulated into nourishment for the needy! KMFT!

Mi gone before my head tek mi….

NuNu
Blogger

Lolol Yazzzyyyy!!!! I rest my case…
ps. Wah mek yuh deh laff afta mi deh fass inna Esu pot fah?

Yazzy
Blogger
Yazzy

Nunuuuuuuuuuuuuuu booooooooooo!!!!!! (((Major hugs sissy poo!!)))

A muss you deh peep inna Esu pot! DWRCL!! Mek yuh tan suh??? 😀 I missed you sis!!

SeaQueen
Blogger
SeaQueen

Big hugs to all my ES hunny bunnies, Mama O, Nuns, ty, kb, toy, nessa. Welcome cher and unruly! This topic has me written all over it. I swear I had a childlike innocence about me up until i had my first child at 21. And even after I was still innocent. I just want to spin everything and make it positive. Ppl coulda bad like yas and mi wi find some kind of excuse to feel sorry for them. A gift and a curse I tell you. Now I find it hard for me to trust ppl because of the betrayal I have dealt with all my life. Mi nah look pon di fb bad ppl because nuff ah dem coulda ah peep right now *side eye*. As for the two that emailed you, they can kick rocks because I really don’t get how ur interested in something yet still choose to be rude and closeminded. O don’t even waste ur worry on those ppl!! I like my role in the vision, ever holding a reasoning! Mi would love fi see cami ah laff by herself unda di tree and nuns puzzled face lmao. Keep that dream close to ur heart O.

NuNu
Blogger

Seaqueen Yails!!!

NuNu
Blogger

Hey Ty! I liked what you said and I agree wholeheartedly. We joke around, make fun and laugh alot over here but we don’t intentionally try to hurt anyone. Love and light fi real folks!

ty
Blogger

Hey Nunu my sis….

ty
Blogger

Vanessa, Cher, Unruly…so glad to see you….please drop in more…we welcome you and glad to have you share with us…

ty
Blogger

In regards to trust, i have had to learn to trust myself and instincts…

NuNu
Blogger

Obara I know you’re probably asleep by now but I was just watching a program and this man had a head injury was in the hospital and when he recovered he could play the piano like a pro.I know the brain is very powerful but he never had a lesson or was even interested before his injury. He said he just felt drawn to the piano and when he sat before it he started playing for hours. Could that be some past life thing or a walk in?

ty
Blogger

As to the mean commenters….they only serbe to make us lobe our family and energy here….we dwell in the light and embrace positivity….we are deeply rooted in love and respect all…

ty
Blogger

Evening fambo and crew….What a mighty God we serve…
Welcome all new bloggers…so glad you rolled out today to cheer up Obara….
The blogger who shared the invite, may you continue to be blessed, we know uou acted on good faith…
Obara i love thescenaru you described, Jah know i love lemonade….

AMH
Blogger

Good day everyone!! For a minute reading Teach I thought you were describing me!! “I have always been trusting as a young girl growing up, and even when I entered adulthood, and although I had met some very bad people, been betrayed by many, I still had the ability to trust. I refused to see everybody in the same light. I believed deep into my heart that good people were out there. I knew I was one, and so I knew there were others, I could not be the only one.” I can’t tell you how many times I give people the benefit of the doubt and it bites me in the behind, but I STILL DO IT!!
I am sorry for the negativity these people added to your days, people get very brave on facebook when they think they can say whatever they please and it not come back on them. We think you are wonderful and are grateful for your invitation and your vision of what it would be like is just what I would think of it too!

KB
Blogger

Good morning Cher Unruly Vanessa Toy and Nunu Glad to see this post made the peepers turn bloggers today lol

Vanessa
Blogger
Vanessa

Just peeping like normal. I had to comment. I needed to hear this about trust. Thank you Ma Obara. Im sorry that you were hurt by the comments ma. I love your writings. I almost feel everything you type. Thank you.

Unruly
Blogger
Unruly

Hi Toy, this pisses me off so badly, I get that it is true that people can be deceptive, but, let me stop, because I am boiling right now

toy7318
Blogger

Mornin’ Obara and Fam. Obara you have the right to feel saddened, because these people don’t know nothing about you and before they bypass the bloggers post on FB they had the nerve to say be careful before you end up in a cooking. Trust me you don’t even want to know what I would have said to those people on FB. I use always tell myself I will not let people change me, because I have been hurt so many times by people. I think you just start to gradually change and become very leery of people.

KB
Blogger

Hey Toy sometimes you don’t even know you’ve changed until another situation comes that tests your trust.

toy7318
Blogger

Exactly Kia!

Unruly
Blogger
Unruly

Nuns him fuss fi pitch dung a long stairs, out f order

NuNu
Blogger

Nuh chue Unruly! , cho man lol mek him an him exclamation dem galang

NuNu
Blogger

Good morning folks, Cher, Unruly and Kia yailings to you. Jeez Teach I’m sorry those people were assholes about the invite. Given the subject matter I can understand being skeptical (the fear of not trusting what you don’t understand) but to be so rude about it is uncalled for and downright wrong. It so easy to hurt others feelings nowadays. Mi feel hignarant fi dem! An di ALL CAP fella mek mi feel a bit bringle unda mi colla, cho!

toy7318
Blogger

Nunu Hi sweetness

NuNu
Blogger

Howdy Toy!

Unruly
Blogger
Unruly

Aboru Aboye Abisese Obara Meji, I am a long time peeper to you blog, I must tell you tha I love your teachings and inspirational post, may Olodumare bless you and your family.

Obara I say sorry to you on behalf of all those idiots who insult you without knowing who you are, may your head pitch thema all down a flight of stairs! Even if they are not interested, being rude is another thing!

Insult YOU, Obara?
People are a disgrace at times, and the fact that you were hurt drew me out from peeping to give you my words of comfort.

I read your blog every day, and without knowing you, you are my friend in my head, I even quote you at times, and I teach from your posts, from your writings.

I will be with you in 2016 march Gods willing, keep doing your work

toy7318
Blogger

Hi Unruly

KB
Blogger

Good morning Obara everyone Obara I trust you and I am honored that you invited me into your life and home. I am soooooo sorry that your feelings were hurt…I wish I could have taken some of that pain cause I know you are sensitive just as I am. 🙂 Unfortunately it is the way of the world just like your husband explained to you. I am not a very trusting person and I can remember a time I was but people and circumstances have changed that about me. I do try to look for the good but jah kno it hard more time to see it. Especially when people have ulterior motives and deception pon dem mind…

The nerve of them tho insulting you after just reading a fb post. More time I don’t go on fb for months. Social Media is crippling a people that are already handicap…they read every post and status on SM but yet haven’t read a book in years…i cyaa maniji dem smh

Cher
Blogger
Cher

Great article as if you were speaking to me, so many people betrayed me. Keep on keeping on. Sending you love light and abundant blessings.

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