There was a time when I wanted to help everybody, even when I needed help myself, I still did not like to see anyone in need. The wicked baby father use to accuse me of picking up strays (people who needed a place to live) and bring them home. I never understood that, I thought that if someone need help then it was our duty to assist if we could, I did, all the time. I could not stand to see suffering, I still cannot. The problem my enemy have is that I am naive enough to believe that most of the world think as I do, they do not. Yesterday during a text exchange between me and someone who I assist spiritually, someone I mentor, I asked them for a ride somewhere. Allergies are on top of me, and so my eyes are swollen almost shut. I did not want to drive myself, but I needed to go some place. The response did not come right away, (a long pause in the text response) and me being proud felt embarrass at that, almost wanting to beat myself for asking. I do not ask anyone for favors, I do not know why I opted to do so last night, perhaps it was all the medication I was taking for the allergies, I don’t know, but I want to blame something anything for even asking.
When they finally responded, it was a slight brush off apology for taking so long to respond, but I am who I am and realize that I had placed them in an awkward position by asking, and them not wanting to take me. I quickly sent another text and told them it was ok, no bother, shame became like hot liquid being poured over my body, I am Obara Meji, how could I have put myself in this position?. They apologized and told me that it would be an honor to take me if they were free, lol. This made me feel even worse, because I knew they were not being truthful, and I wanted to think “So I am good enough for you to talk to when you need my help but not good enough to give a ride to!” . The thought rose up, but I quickly slapped it down, I must not entertain that thought I told myself, I was wrong for asking. What possessed me to ask them when I could have easily taken a cab? Why did I put myself through that? I could have beaten myself, again and again, my mind tortured me with shame, (mi easy fi shame, I must admit). I tried to take my mind off the feeling which was riding me, but it seemed to want to mock and jeer me for my folly, my eyes grew misty in the night at my embarrassment, something, always independent.It kept replaying over and over again, it was torment (Am I being too dramatic?, lol). To another person, they would have said “this is no big deal, why Obara fell funny?). Here is why. I have always been an independent person, one who never to imposed on anyone. Even my children I try not to bother. When my mother put me out because of an early pregnancy, I never went back to asked for a nights rest. All my sisters and their children have lived with me at one time or the other, I have never asked anyone for assistance. God and Osun had placed me in a position where I am independent of people, I am always the one to help, but there are times when assistance is needed. After all, no man is an island and I thought asking the person last night for that favor would be alright, it wasn’t. Damn Benadryl, I was taking them to help the allergies, so I will blame them lol.
In the work that I do, I get emails and phone calls all day everyday from people who want their lives fixed, or just need a shoulder, I eagerly lend mine. I have never denied anybody from speaking to them or from just listening. My Oluwo the Jamaican man who took me to Africa the first time I went there, told me that I am too accessible to people and that I must have a time when I cut my phone off or tell people to call back tomorrow. He said it is the only way people will respect me. I must be truthful I never did as he suggested, I just could not deny anyone who needed a listening ear, or some advice even if it were in the middle of the night. There was a time in my life when I was going through hell with the wicked baby father, when he and his team of demons which included his mother, father sisters and brothers and also his girlfriend, put me (my enemy) through hell. In those days, I had no one on my side (no human), and there were times when I needed a hug. I would go to my mothers house, trembling (my nerves were in an awful state due to the abuse), because of the torture I was going through at the hands of these wicked people, and I would pray in my mind that my mother would hug me, I never asked, I just wanted her to do it. It never came, she never did. Those were horrible days for me, my memories of those times always makes my tear up, as I am doing now. But I always tell you all that there are lessons to be learned form everything, and I learned from the maltreatment that I got from those people, many things which I apply to my life today, and as for the hug I needed back then, that never came, I made up my mind never to turn my back on anyone who needed me, no matter the time or how busy I was, and yes I am quick to give a hug. I told myself that I would always be there for anyone who needed me, I would make time, I would be there, I would give the hug, the soothing words, I would show the love, give the inspiration, motivate, comfort, I would be that anchor, I would!
In my real life, I am soft hearted, compassionate and I am naive yes I am. I still look for good people in the world, even though I know that there are mostly bad people out there, users, selfish people, mostly up to no good. Now do not get me wrong, I am not saying because the person slighted me when I asked for the ride (and it was at their convenient, there was no urgency in my request) they are bad or I am vexed with them. I am not, as a matter of fact, I thank them for the reminder of how life and its people are. I am the one who feels ashamed for asking, and that is because I never bother people for anything, and mi easy fi shame.
However when this happened to me last night, it reminded me (and this is the naive part in me, always forgetting that everybody is not the same and not everybody that smile with you is with you, I needed that reminder) that although I was the one to assist, to listen, to help, to be there, to give advice and then some, this was my job, my service to humanity, what I came here to do. I should not expect what I give to people who I do not know, back from them.
Their path and my own are different. Even if they have agendas, I must not, I must never do to them as they do to me,I must never allow the disappointments I get from them to change me, never. Why? Because we are all here on different missions. Our earthly journeys and what we came here to do are all different.
The woman who slighted me, is someone who seeks my help daily, it is someone who I counsel and help, I like her. Perhaps this is why I got comfortable enough to ask her for a favor, she put me in my place by slighting me. I thank her for it. Although I wished I could have erased that moment, the text of me asking and her response, it was a lesson for me. One to let me remember that I should never get too close to those that I counsel, while it may work for some, it does not work for me. This lesson I have learned many times, and by this I mean waking up to peoples true nature and being hurt by it, which I should not be, but it gets me every time. I still have that thing in me where I love people and at times forget that I am here to assist them, not for them to be my friends or companions. This that happened to me last night was the Universe reminding me, it hurt, but the lesson had been learned, again, and hopefully for the last time
This blog is where I share my thoughts, honestly. Like most of you, I am still learning life, it will continue, as we are here to learn. I teach from my experiences, I believe I have to, you should do the same.
This will never happen to me again.
Tí orí kan bá sunwọ̀n á ran’gba. /
If one head (a person) is blessed, hundreds others will be positively affected….Yoruba Proverb!
[Success is contagious]
Everything comes when it must, and everything happens for a reason, do not hurry your life, what is destined for you, cannot escape you, just keep the faith, be patient and be prayerful, filled with compassion, kindness and respect for all, let these qualities be among your name, God will fill in the rest…..Obara Meji!
All religions are valid as long as it teaches peace and love….Obara Meji
There are no disappointments in life, only lessons learned!….Obara Meji
Sadly, I am too much like that myself too, but the only difference is When people take my kindness for weakness and dont reciprocate my good natured way of been. I DON’T LET IT BOTHER ME. I realized from an early age that people are not as they seem to be most of the times..I like a person to be brutally honest with me..but the averge human don’t know how . Now that lady..is a taker and you Obara is a giver..so you must have thrown her way off when instead of giving her, you had the audicity to ask… Read more »
P.S. Hope you feeling better ooooo Mami ooo! 🙂
Obara, Thank you for sharing this post, as most, I am sure a lot of us can relate, including my self sister. I will just say the blatant truth: Sometimes, it takes a small crisis, albeit however small, to show who is there for us and who is NOT! Although you are an independent woman, you should Neva, Neva, feel any sort of way for asking 1 damn thing, EVA! If this eye-opening experience has taught you something I say, OK, good for that, however please don’t beat ya self up to no end because by the mere fact your… Read more »
Mawnin- since I started taking a spoon of honey daily my sinuses and allergies have stopped- I have tried everything under the sun since I was 4 nothing worked but the honey. Been doing it for about a year
KB and Lincoln, mawnin! Thanks Lincoln
OM you need fi just keep some Bissy and honey pon hand for your allergies so you no haffi seek out benadryl 🙂
Good night my dear Obara n ES just tonight a man said to me u dont allow anyone to do anything for u. Lol i told him is because i cant depend on nobody n i dont like shame so i dont ask. Braps look what happen to Obara all cause of allergies n benadryl. One likkle ride hmmm Libatty taking!!! smh
It nah reach mi again Courtney
i can totally relate and O you must do what the man from Africa suggested, people will fail you for everytime and like yourself i feel stupid for overextending and asking for certain things. i am also a person who does this even today as i was helping a friend and her mom i had to put a restriction on it and a level i would get consumed and i have problems going on as well. i love to be alone and now i make it a point to take care of myself and my well being i urge you… Read more »
Thank you add, I needed that
You’re most welcome, me dear.
Evening everyone! Obara, you shouldn’t ever feel embarrassed or ashamed for asking for help when you need it. Independence is great, but in a perfect idealistic world, we are supposed to be able to rely on each other when we really need something and help each other out. So you didn’t do anything you should feel embarrassed about. Make sure this experience doesn’t prevent you from reaching out for help in the future when you do need it. It’s the squeaky wheel who gets the oil and a closed mouth don’t get fed. So don’t be afraid to ask when… Read more »
and I’m saying this as advice to myself too because, like you, I HATE asking for favors. Many times, I rather suffer and do without than beg a favor. But I know that’s not a good thing. This is a work in progress for me too, so I do understand how you feel.
Prosperity day smaddy yah tek set pin mi manning, noon an night
I hate being slighted mi self and because of that I pride myself on being self reliant. Mi easy fi shame and I do have a problem with hearing no. Mi jus love hear “yes” to my requests. It’s like a child experiencing a tantrum, which possible I have no justification cause to be honest unlike you Obara I don’t give of myself like that. Mi kinda selfish and cause mi know mi selfish mi nuh too ask. So a lesson for me would be to stop being so self centred and consider other people much more than I do… Read more »
Seerus Libattyyyy lol. It has been. You know how my ting set up right now so im just peeking in fi mek you know im still alive and kicking lol. I have a question about the daily affirmations (because i have been a good student doing them every morning religiously all before mi brush mi teet lol). I don’t know the names of my ancestors pass great grandparents so i just say the names of family members that have passed away (grandparents, gre grand, aunts, uncles etc.) Is that okay or do I have to do some digging (I plan… Read more »
She is not a friend Toy, she wants to be a student
Queenieeeeee! Long time, yuh so DI libatty, lmaoooooo,
Hi everyone… Obara I hope you feel better
Your friend is selfish… You know what Obara this happened to set the boundary. The universe had to give you that reminder.
Good afternoon O and all ES Family! O, I don’t like the fact that this person made you feel a way, it make me feel a way. But I can totally relate to what you felt as I am the type of person who feels strongly about gaining independence. It has to be one of my most important goals to attain. I have always been everyone’s shoulder to cry on. People lays their problems at my feet and most times I give them an ear or a solution. But I in turn keep my hard issues and problems to myself.… Read more »
Ah true Toy, she Neva wasn’t tek mi, she cyan gimme sweetie wrap up INNA paper under life, is strictly a work relationship from nung
The messed up part is it’s the people you least expect
The sad thing for me, is that I keep repeating this lesson, I love people too much and give of myself too freely, I need to back away a little
No you don’t my Obara, just allow the bad eggs to shiw themselves and eleminate them from your circle. .but dont change because of them dutty ways..just know they are one less problem to deal with..
Most people are users Caroline, I once helped a lady’s child to get something that was almost impossible for them to get, the odds were 1 in 7 million, the kid got it, due to Juju, and it was a moth after that she never responded to my call, my text, my email nothing, not a line nor a letter nor a fifty cent stamp. People are not grateful nowadays, but I can never do what they do, it is my job to be who I am
This post made me sad but it’s good that you didn’t let the experience harden your heart. I have heard other spiritualists say they have been warned not to be too accessible to people because they will only get disappointment in return. I love the part about helping each other and I too believe we are all here to assist each other.
mi text har and tell har tonks fi de reminder and tell har sey is a lesson learned and mi ago write bout it, she read de blog, so she will see, lol
Nunu mi neva did ah look “because mi deh pon de phone wid you ten thousand time ah day, yuh fi gimme ride”, mi mind nva deh deh suh, she close to mi area, she suppose to be mi God child, and so mi ask har fi de ride, ah must de benadryl, caws mi ooden ask ay all, ah suh mi tan, but mi glad it happen, lol
Lmaooo Nunu,@gas money, and yuh know mi neva ask anybody fi gas money yet?, meed shame fi ask, mi too Royal…but mi glad she slight mi, mi know how fi deal from now on, lol
Yuh tan deh, people nuh ramp lol, plus mi know how yuh easy a shame fi true, some folks are like, emphasis on ‘some’ a suh the world should work you help me and I help you, simple.
Just like that Nunu. .help me help you!!
OH my I felt I wrote this myself- I tell you I feel the same way daily- People, people people- the people who have hurt me in life (Obeah) are the persons I helped along the way and just like you I have fallen into the trap many times because I am a giving soul and try to think people are just like myself when they aren’t Fret not OM , your beautiful soul with be rewarded and I think it is just part of life to relearn what we have learnt. Think of it as on the job refresh… Read more »
obara is somewhat hurt.. e pele yeye. life.. noone to talk to. noone to trust to confide in. many tots running through my mind and eating me up. love and light..
Lol@ e pele Yeye….(this is Yoruba, Lilly is pampering me, saying sorry), thank you Lilly, you funny, but I am not hurt, I was embarrassed, but I am now over it.
That is my point @Lincoln…..This right here that you wrote;
.”Fret not OM , your beautiful soul with be rewarded and I think it is just part of life to relearn what we have learnt. Think of it as on the job refresh training..”
A job refresh training, I have learned this lesson so many times, and keep on forgetting it
You keep forgetting because you have a innocent soul that choose to only see the good in people but is mostly bad out there..they can become good though so dont stop been you
Yow my job nuh easy eo nuh, yuh tink it easy fi shoulder everybody problem, soak up them energy?…smh, and lol…such is life!
I hope the benadryl kicks in and you feel better today
Good morning Obara, some people nuh like give ride if dem nuh get gas money. But if it’s someone yuh counsel often shi coulda did give yuh the drive especially like how yuh weren’t feeling well.
Hey Nunu, I feel you. I don’t even think the person knew if she was going to give gas money or not. I feel the person just didn’t want to take Obara.