I have always been attracted to peoples minds, this is why I like books. I believe when you read a book fiction or otherwise, you get a peep into the mind of the author, he or she presents himself within the pages, within the writings. His thoughts, his essence radiates off the pages and a reader such as myself looks to see who the author is, based upon his writings. I see now, looking back, why the Holy Bible is so interesting as an history book. With all its tales and prophets of old. When I practiced Christianity, I loved to read the Bible, and I have even read the Koran, this led me to study other religious texts, I became fascinated with God and all he was. I then found out the there were books taken out of the bible and so I went on the hunt for them, I found the Apocrypha, and the Gnostic texts, which were truly fascinating, I found the Maccabees scriptures and was introduced to Judas Maccabeus there, I read the story of the woman who watched her seven sons die for refusing to eat the pig, 2nd Macabees Chapter 7. I even found the book of Judas, and realized that Jesus chose him to hand him over (Judas being more awake than the other disciples, he was the only one who understood Jesus’s message)), not as how it is told in the the regular bible which described him as a betrayer.
I read so much, It even led me to begin studying people and also most especially my race, this was all from reading and trying to understand God, religion, myself, the world, its inhabitants, this became almost an obsession. There came a time when I woke up to my spirituality, I woke up to me and who I am. When this happened, I began to see the world differently, eventually I moved away from the Church, religion, (Initiation was also apart of it). I began to search for God in nature, and I found it. Often times I ponder on religion and my time “wasted”, ( it was not a waste, I had to go through that) there.
“What is the point of religion I once asked my son, the quiet one I wrote about the other day, he said “Mommy, some people just need to believe, they need something to believe in”.This is so true, because at one time in my life, my religion (Christianity at the time) was my source of strength. When I felt as if the world had turned its back on me, I went to church and found solace there. For a while all was well, when I was in church, singing and dancing listening to the “word” all was well within those moments, and even when I went home, the bible would comfort me with is words, though written in old English, with the “thou, thee and thy”, it was my sword. Psalms of David, I studied and knew by heart, most of them, and when the wicked rose up against me to eat up all my flesh, (Obeah and de duppy dem, lol) psalms 91 was what I chanted to trample them down. Yes, my son was correct, for I was one who needed to believe, I needed religion (at that time)I needed to believe in order to get over all that I was going through, especially when I was all by myself in a world where nobody cared. Christianity and my belief served me well back them.
During those times, after the wicked baby father had gone and life was like a boxing game for me, with it being Mike Tyson and me being no match for it but still tried, boxing gloves and a brave look on,win,lose, or draw. Despite the black eyes life dealt me and the bruises on my body, the pain, I had to try, because I had little mouths to feed, they could not join me in the ring. I kept telling myself one win, and I would be able to manage. I had no idea that I had already won, just for trying. Life can be harsh at times, even brutal, and although we all may have different stories of our challenges, we also have stories of our victories.
I believe that we all have a story to tell, every living being on this planet, rich or poor, we all have a book inside us to write.
One of my greatest challenges, was when I was faced with walking away from Christianity, when I had to leave my Jesus, let go off his frock tail, that was so tightly clenched in my hands, I could no longer feel my fingers (I had touched the helm of his garment). I had known no one else but Him, he was who I called out to when I experienced “duppy hold dung”, sleep paralysis, he was to me, the “Lilly of the valley, the bright and morning star, the fairest of ten thousand to my soul”, as the song said. I did not mind leaving the Church, or even forgetting the bible, or even turning my backs on the disciples, or laughing in church while Sister Simith (Smith, but Jamaicans pronounce it this way) dentures plopped out of her mouth as she gave the sermon, but leggo “fi mi Jesus?”..How could I leave him? I felt as If I was abandoning a good husband, betraying a good man, who had always been there for me, through thick and thin. But I was awake and could no longer plead his blood, because I knew that all that I was taught in this religion was a lie.
When I found the courage to leave, it took guts to walk away, it was hard. I was now awake, and had realized because of becoming awake, that the Bible and its teachings were all false and even my Jesus was fiction, he was not real, never existed at all, as how it is told in the bible, this was all conditioning of the mind and my people (my race) fell for it the most, and had conformed to it by way of my parents forcing it upon me, but they themselves had came into it by their parents, forced into it just as I was. It was a line of continuation through family almost like a legacy, no one asking questions or even having a choice, we just went along. It was either you were a Christian or a demon, ( in Jamaican society, lol) Satan’s pickney, the Devil son or daughter. I was to also find out that he (the Devil) did not also exist.
When I became Obara Meji having gone through my first sets of spiritual initiations read here , then on to initiations in Africa, for a while, I still had Jesus imprinted in my brain, I could see his blue eyes in my minds eye. My Olowu (a Babalawo who was Jamaican) at times, when talking about Jesus, would call him a little boy, and by this he meant, a small boy in comparison with others in history who did greater than he did regardless if he was real or not, but according to history and stories of others. Although I had walked away and felt the same way as he did, I still winced when he “style up Jesus” , wanting to cover my ears, not wanting to insult sweet, forgiving Jesus, lol. I must say that I do understand Christians passion for their Lord, worse the picture they used of Cesare Borgia was a very handsome white man, see Cesare below.
I was driving in Brooklyn one day and saw a bunch of Hasidic Jews and the realization that his was how Jesus would have looked in those time, was like a cold glass of water thrown into my face, another ice bucket flung without mercy on my body. I woke up! My fingers became slippery and suddenly I felt them let go off the helm of his garment, I let him go. See Jesus real look deh, down bottom, lol….love de hats.
If Matisyahu had gone to Jamaica looking like Jesus, performing reggae music, perhaps another crucifixion would have occurred, Jamaicans would have a heart attack at Jesus singing reggae (bogayagga music, according to Jamaicans Christians), lol…..see Mattisyahu below,
Ok, alright, this post is not about Jesus or the men in black up top. It is about, after religion then comes belief (for the people who are waking up,) realizing that they are on a spiritual path and the Bible has no answers for them, and also realizing that Christianity limits the mind and control all who are apart of its indoctrination, it teachings, there is more beyond what we have been taught to believe. Not only Christianity but all religions, people who want to break away from the shackles of religious influence and just embrace God, nature and life. But can people do this, when the human mind is conditioned to imagery projecting their reality? How can one believe into something that has no image or texts attached to it, such as my traditional practice Ifa/Orisha, which has a vast texts, but none written down. It is taught orally and handed down the same and this is because it is too vast to be placed into a book, and also there is no deity’s image as its face to represent it globally. How do one go from having an image of their God in their mind to not having any image at all, but trusting in its faith that this is the way? How do we step away from what is considered the “norm”, to going into the bush and praying there to a deity I believe rules that aspect of nature? How do I explain that? These questions make me understand, that for some it is easier to believe that which is thrust upon them, rather to go searching for what they may not be able to comprehend.
With Christianity and Islam and other religions, there are texts, history behind their names, a story of how the world began and of how did humans get here, how they were created. This science or explanations are comforting to most, regardless of the proof or not, (remember the need to believe) then there is the description of God who is always present within the pages declaring this or that. A God who is with some and against others. A God who love Jacob and hated Esau, yet that same Christian God gave his only begotten son for all. A God called by Islam Allah and one called Jehovah by Christians, yet the two are against each other and because of this there are separate religions, and their practices differ, yet if you read their texts you will find the Jews such as Abraham and even Jesus who the Muslims calls a prophet, the old testament of the Bible, the Torah (Jewish texts, apart of Judaism) is present also in the teachings of Islam. Christianity, Judaism and Islam all have common teachings with Christianity and Islam both looking up to Judaism which is older than both, but have influenced both, did Judaism create these two? After all these are all Abrahamic religions, Abraham being the central figure, according to their belief Abraham was their first prophet. So much they all have in common, hmmmmmm!
I want to make it clear, that I do believe in the almighty, the creator, my divine source as I love to refer to that energy, which is fragmented into me, making me a creator in flesh myself. I had not these thought while I followed Christianity, and so it was refreshing to realize God for myself and not some schizophrenic white man in the sky according to the bible’s description and a psychiatrist conclusion after studying Gods utterances in the sacred texts, him liking and loving one moment and hating and destroying in the next.
Psalm 78:59 – “When God heard this, he was wroth, and greatly abhorred Israel:”
Psalm 106:40 – “Therefore was the wrath of the LORD kindled against his people, insomuch that he abhorred his own inheritance.
Lamentations 2:6 – “And he hath violently taken away his tabernacle, as if it were of a garden: he hath destroyed his places of the assembly: the LORD hath caused the solemn feasts and sabbaths to be forgotten in Zion, and hath despised in the indignation of his anger the king and the priest.”
“’I have loved you,’” says the LORD. But you ask, ‘How have you loved us?’ ‘Was not Esau Jacob’s brother?’ the LORD says. ‘Yet I have loved Jacob, but Esau I have hated, and I have turned his mountains into a wasteland and left his inheritance to the desert jackals..Malachai 1:2-3
“For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life….John 3:16
One thing I can say that I am happy for, is the knowledge, after I had freed myself from the restraints of religion, that God was not man, not human being, but was energy, pure energy, like the Sun which appears bright and smiling in the mornings. God had no ego, and did not need my worship and praise, it was my prerogative to give it. I still do, it feels good to honor God, but I am not pressured to do so.
After religion you find yourself, you find your God, after religion comes consciousness, light, love and a direct contact with the divine, After religion, comes belief and this is when you are truly free.
Bí ọkọ bá kéré ju ológìnní lọ, baálé ilé ni yóò máa jẹ́. /
Even if a husband is smaller in size than a cat, the head of his home he remains.
[Appearance is quite often irrelevant]
All religions are valid as long as it teaches peace and love….Obara Meji
There are no disappointments in life, only lessons learned!….Obara Meji