BLOGGER’S POST: FORGIVENESS

Hello everyone, I am on still on the initiation ground with my new initiates. Last night Alan Obatala initiation was done, so awesome. I get excited all the time I witness any initiation, Africans are fascinating people with power beyond belief. Nigeria (among the Youba’s most especially) being a place with immense spiritual/traditional power, it would have seemed as if God favored them when he gave out power and spiritual gifts. Today is Tuesday and the contribute a post or Bloggers posts that people are sending in so far are so good. I love the response I got and the willingness for all of you to share. This topic, sent in by long time peeper (de peepers dem tek time ah come out, mi glad fi si dem ei si) Owasinda is a very serious one. Again, dialogue must be opened and victims or rather survivors as Owasinda must talk about it, they must not keep themselves mentally in prison, because of the trauma they went through. Forgiveness does not have to mean “you are my friend” or “I will ever let you back into my life.” It means that I have released you, I have moved on. While I do not hate you, your presence, even in thought, can no longer affect me or my life or my life’s decision. I am free of you, my thoughts toward you in any negative way, is cleared, therefore allowing me to live my life free from the effects you once caused. I will set a date and time for these topics to be posted, then we all can share in the discussions and maybe someone can find closure or comfort in what we as responsible spiritual people will pass along in way of wisdom while we chat.

There are realms within time and space that only feeds off the energy trauma gives off. On these realms there are spirit beings who are like what we here know as vampires. They feed off of fear, and most often trauma (to the survivors) brings about the most fear. A soldier goes to war, he kills many in the line of duty, even children, old people, the innocent. He comes back home, and is never the same. He is traumatized by all he went through and has put others through. He begins to drink, take drugs, he lives his life reliving all he has done. He is diagnosed with PTSD. He is far away from himself, never again connecting to himself again, but instead is a shell of who he once was. We see his struggle, and we pity him, but what we do not see is the vampires (spirit beings), who keeps him in mental torture by allowing him to relive his past as a soldier in the killing field.

The memories are painful to the mind, and he feels as if he cannot talk about the pain. The “vampires” enjoy his torture and fight to keep him in that mode, he is their source for food, they suck the energy from him, that which has lowered his vibration and heightened theirs. So many people are trapped by these beings. Release only comes when you face what is disturbing you and speak about it, whether vocally or through a medium like this blog. Painful or not, do not dodge the subject or suffer in silence, using drugs and alcohol to suppress the pain. These “vampire beings” hate when you talk about it, because once you begin to do so, you begin to free your self from fear thus freeing yourselves from them and they will have to go back to the realm they are from.

Remember the way these beings survive is by soaking up fear. Fear releases an energy. So they will cause and create trauma in people’s life as a source for food. When that trauma is crafted, those beings are able to attach themselves to those who have gone through it. With trauma, people are so shell shocked that they never want to talk about it for fear of reliving it. Medication does not help. It is a false help so while the person walks the earth they become a shell of themselves. Like vampires, instead of sucking blood the “beings” suck this energy. When the feeling of the person intensifies to wanting to seek release such as suicide, this is created by these beings. These beings who suck this energy are here to not allow us to evolve, this is their mission. They challenge our journey. Fear is what has stopped a lot of people’s evolution. Do not be afraid to talk. Talk about it, lose fear, and gain back your life.

OWASINDA

I’ve been a peeper on here for years on and off I even emailed you a couple times before ever knowing you had a blog. When you started the contribute a post section I immediately got excited! My post inst a spiritual one but its stems from A tragic event in my life and from which I learnt a great lesson which is one of forgiveness. I hope I can help someone with this post who cannot seem to let go off of something or to forgive. This lesson of forgiveness helped me up to this year when a family member sexually assaulted me someone I held in high regard and one I even called my best friend. , I assured myself that I wouldn’t be able to forgive him immediately but I would ultimately. So as I battled on my own nearly 6 months of depression, hatred, life and a broken friendship. Like a true queen and survivor I found the strength to forgive him and now me again happy like when Jamaicans get US visa!! No matter what u go through never forget that life is beautiful and life nice! Thanks Obara !
Yesterday I was in a taxi from Spanish Town heading home to Ocho Rios scrolling through my Facebook and Instagram timelines all while reminiscing on the great day I had on Saturday at maiden cay. I stumbled upon this post on my Facebook timeline and my mood immediately changed “To forgive is to set a prisoner free and to realize that prisoner was you”. I didn’t become saddened or happier I just felt empowered and the event of my rape came back to me in that moment and I immediately wanted to share how me forgiving my self and my rapist freed me! This is my story and this was my prison:

After I was raped I fell into a prison that the situation and I put myself in.Unlike many other people, I just wanted to have sex, a lot of sex because some how I felt that if I did it would make him be as far away from me as possible, I’d be cleansed of his touch. I used to shower a lot because I didn’t feel clean, I felt dirty all the time. I scrubbed and I scrubbed and nothing.

I used to allow people have their way with me because I felt like I was nothing and nobody. I was no one. I used to tell myself that any ill treatment I got I deserved it. I fell into depression a lot while dealing with my daily life and the other issues that came along with it. I couldn’t watch tv without seeing his face, I didn’t like to be out because I saw his face, I didn’t want to sleep by myself because he was there, I didn’t like to dream because he was in it. When I learned his name, his name was was in my head on repeat and I saw it everywhere.

My prison was also me being at a place of weakness for years and feeling dead inside, the thought that I will never be healed plagued me and sunk me deeper. I thought I was undeserving of anything good or that I wasn’t ever going to be good enough for another man because I am broken. Sometimes hugs felt suffocating, the simple touch of a man felt violent sometimes and most times I wanted to scream. The words “hug me” frightens me and scares me sometimes up until this day.

My prison was also trying to bring myself back to reality as most times I would be screaming inside at the touch or hug of another man “this is not real Tamoya! You are safe” and i slowly bring myself back to comfort and peace.

My prison was also thinking almost every time I go out or meet another man if he would hurt me “will he violate me?” Again I have to bring myself back to comfort and peace. Most times the easiest thing to do was zone out, not feeling anything but still having the thought that “whatever happens happens ! I was raped before so what if it happens again!”

Over and over I told myself I couldn’t live like this, I needed to be happy. After all He might be somewhere enjoying his evil self. Many days I realized that forgiveness would be my next step as stupid as I thought that the thought might be.I decided to forgive, I forgave him and I forgave myself. Today, I feel like I am somebody, I feel like I have purpose and I am happy. I’m no longer in a prison. I still jump inside when I think I see his face, or I see his legs, I still have to remind myself that it is not him when I see someone that that looks like him. I still have to tell myself that every man is not like him. And I still feel afraid or my heart gets stuck in my throat when I walk in my home town. I still go through all of this and one day I will not have to but regardless, I am still free ! Don’t call me a victim I SURVIVED.