August 27, 2011 Obara Meji 35Comment
I have wanted to know the answer to this question for a very long time. I however believe that it is both women and men that helped to kill Chilvalry, and society enabled it, by bending to the pressure of equality in gender and forgetting that each gender has its function in the world, and also the fact that more men are being born and raised with very little if any at all masculinity. The women who want to be big burly John and the men who goes to the nail salon to have his weekly manicure.
Who Killed Chivalry?
By NADINE WILSON All Woman writer
THE jury is still out as to whether chivalry is really six feet under, but one thing is for sure, more and more contemporary men it seems are thinking twice about helping damsels in distress or even picking up the tab after a date.
“Chivalry is dead, and women killed it,” said self-labelled ‘burned by liberal women too many times’ PE teacher Edward Roche. “Men can’t win anymore — you’re damned if you open the door for the über feminist and damned if you don’t open it for the spoiled neo liberal woman who wants to eat her cake and have it too.”

Chivalry, according to Women’s Media Watch, (WMW) encompasses, “acts of courtesy, consideration and gallantry by a man towards a woman based on gender roles”.
This, the group said, includes pulling out her chair when she is seated, opening her door, offering her a seat as well as addressing her in a respectful manner.
A few of the women from the gender advocacy group who recently participated in an informal survey on the matter believed that a number of Jamaican men were chivalrous in their demeanour towards women. Others, however, were not sold.
“Some men appear ‘chivalrous’ because they feel obligated to impress women to get their interest. So in a way it’s habitual but unthinking rather than genuine and thoughtful because of that pesky thing called socialisation. We are creatures of habit; when men stop being ‘chivalrous’ that may be because they were never genuinely thoughtful and considerate in their actions in the first place,” said Georgia Love.
Relationship counsellor Wayne Powell had a different take on the matter. “Chivalry is alive and well among men born in the ’60s and before but died with those born in the ’70s and beyond,” he said.
“Take a simple example; as a young man growing up in the ‘old days’ you were told that when you are walking on the street with a young lady you always put her on the inside. Observe the young man today as he walks with his date from Devon House to Half-Way-Tree. He will walk on the sidewalk while the young lady is almost on the road competing with the oncoming traffic. He is so engrossed in the conversation with no regard for the safety or protection of his date,” he noted to illustrate his point.
Apart from offering protection, men were traditionally taught to assist a female with bearing heavy loads and even paying for the meal after a date. That, however, has changed, with women in some relationships now being expected to help foot the bill after a night out.
While WMW director Hilary Nicholson believes that a financial agreement reached between a man and his spouse could be the cause for this, her work colleague Patricia Donald believes this changing attitude among men could be due to the increasing financial constraints faced by some. Nicholson believes it doesn’t have much to do with the demand for gender equality. “Gender equality is not about being the same, but it is about respecting the value of another person and not feeling threatened to show such respect and value. Someone who genuinely believes in gender equality would be quite comfortable with showing special courtesy and respect to another person,” she said.
For male development specialist Marlon Moore, the reasons for the non-chivalrous nature of some men differ for the various classes within the society. Having spent most of his time working with inner-city youths, he has found that some working men in underserved communities are usually sought after by multiple women. As a result, such a man might not see the need to try and impress one woman because there is always someone else ready to take her place.
On the other hand, he finds that the man in the middle class usually finds himself dating a woman with a university degree and a job and upon this basis might not object to her helping him to finance any of their outings as a couple.
“I have a sistren who is very well educated, went to America came back with a Masters then came to Jamaica and did a Law degree and she met somebody and she was telling me about it. He drives a very fancy car and they went to lunch and were having a conversation and when he found out exactly how successful she was, he paid a quarter of the bill and she had to pay the rest,” he shared.
Some argue too that sexism has replaced chivalry and so instead of feeling impressed by a man’s deeds, some women instead feel offended. Even benevolent ‘sexism’ like opening the door for a woman might come across as being offensive.
“When the need to affirm his own importance supersedes a man’s desire to make a woman feel valued and appreciated, it’s sexism, not genuine chivalry. So in that way chivalry, when it’s not genuine, is closely connected to sexism, which is why men need to understand why a woman may not be thrilled at a seemingly chivalrous act,” noted Love.
Other sexist behaviour agreed upon by the group included using derogatory slangs to refer to sexual activities with a woman, making unsolicited comments about a woman’s body, hiring a female based on her looks and not skills, and assuming there are things that a woman can and will do because it is natural for her, such as cleaning and cooking.
Powell differentiates between the two acts through this illustration: “To get up and give a lady your seat in a bus is an act of chivalry; to insist that she should not drive the bus is being sexist,” he said. “The chivalrous man would regard the woman as the ‘weaker sex’ and would want to treat her with care and dignity whereas the sexist man would see her as the ‘inferior sex’ and treat her with much disdain and disrespect.”
Love believes chivalry is an asset to any man and should therefore be encouraged.
“If you ask many women, they are looking for a caring, respectful and genuine human being,” she said.

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35 Comments on "WHO KILLED CHIVALRY!!!"

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sharlenerose
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sharlenerose

mainy mek we go pon de fear post

Maniac
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Maniac

Yeah, it ova fa mi. How yuh stay Obara?

sharlenerose
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sharlenerose

fine…me a watch de ride…so de hurricane part over

Maniac
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Maniac

Dats wat mi sey to ah smaddy whey mi naw expek……Normally mi dream tings dat are to come, so dats y mi nuh feel too gud bout it….but is like mi get bite ahreddy, mi nuh noe……naw too sweat it, mi ah God bless…..juss ahgoh open mi yeye dem wider

How tings wid u?

sharlenerose
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sharlenerose

whe u a do now

Maniac
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Maniac

Sorry Sharlenrose, mi did bz

sharlenerose
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sharlenerose

no body naw talk to me

sharlenerose
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sharlenerose

as in are u going to be bitten or have u already been bitten

sharlenerose
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sharlenerose

dats what i would do…cause most times my dream reveal the future and present…but i can see where a dream would be an explanation for something that has occurred

sharlenerose
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sharlenerose

u have to look also at your dreaming pattern…do yours usually manifest after you dream…or do you have dreams in answer to things you have already experienced…like ohhhh a dat did a gwaan….or oh my god a sinting whe a come

sharlenerose
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sharlenerose

oh no…i dont like that dream…you have alotta enemy and one a dem close enough to u fi bite u and u no know…a afterwards u fell de blow

Maniac
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Maniac

Mi alright Sharlenerose……mi ah try fight it mum…….dream see ah whole heap ah snake laas nite/diss mawning, an one bite mi 🙁

Neva si him wen him bite mi, but mi si di bite mark pon mi han an it did ah bleed…..but odda dan dat mi good still……How you an yuh granny?

Irene neva do wi too bad, waan goh walk roun an look, but di vibes nuh deh deh…..

sharlenerose
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sharlenerose

me know…dont…when spirit go fi manifest…its crazy…where is mainy…are u alright my dear

sharlenerose
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sharlenerose

morning…alll

Maniac
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Maniac

Mawninggggggg
Obara how di wedder?

sharlenerose
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sharlenerose

no sah…den coo de man up a tp a walk good wid de umbrella and de woman a dead wid rain…no sah…lol

Maniac
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Maniac

LOL…..no, mi did go ah one function…..Mi juss nuh too long come back
Light nuh stop go on and off…..Look like it soon gone

sharlenerose
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sharlenerose

so a wha tek whe mainy cawsen me no see her…

sharlenerose
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sharlenerose

maniac the hurricane tek u whe…

sharlenerose
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sharlenerose

okkk…me a mek me and de baby go back and forth we a compromise

sharlenerose
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sharlenerose

wwhe unno deh

sharlenerose
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sharlenerose

maniac…u are right that percentage is few…my point is this is a result of brainwash and propoganda…and what the caucasian man has tried to do centuries ago…to turn us from our own…that is why a lot of black women turn to white men for that type of treatment…chivalry fell victim to racism

Maniac
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Maniac

Ah true Sharlenerose, but yuh still have few black man whey will give nice treatment still…..some whey will alla bex wid yuh ef yuh an dem ah walk an yuh gwaan like yuh waan walk pon di outside, pure cut yeye an dem tings deh

But di majority, no sah…..like Obara sey wii all lick yuh dung fi bus seat an dem tings, si yuh inna line an juss push demself in front ah yuh an dem rawse deh…..

One nayli lick mi dung one day to rawtid…..yea…caw chue him waan come skip mi (go in front ah mi, instead ah join di line) an mi tawk bout it an decide sey him nayn ah goh get whey wid it da day deh…..shit!!! di man tell mi wha an wha him ah goh do wid mi……of course, mi neba did ah back dung neida

sharlenerose
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sharlenerose

a dat de part kill me…cause dem look at us as less than a human being and we push forth this myth

sharlenerose
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sharlenerose

as we know it still exist fi de white man…him open door fi him woman and pay fi meals…real dates…etc…a we black woman dem waan fi feel like we no want nice treatment…helloooo

sharlenerose
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sharlenerose

DEM TINGS DEH A GWAAN FIEVA since slavery and whe dem a try belittle de black man

sharlenerose
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sharlenerose

feel like a part a de brainwash system mek black woman feel like dem no supposed to rate the black man

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