Good morning to one and all and in the words of Orunmila I greet you all Aboru Aboye ABosise, to which you would reply Agbo Ato Asure Iwori Wofun. I know it is a mouth full to which most of you would not even begin to know how to pronounce but as we progress with this blog, as we travel together, you will learn unfamiliar words and their meanings which will not only strengthen your vocabulary but also tune you in through words of another language, the Yoruba Language, learning is fun! This mornings topic is as written in the title; Love Is More Than Saying The Words, and in the world we live in today it is important that we get this. In other words, it is important that we understand this and apply it to our daily lives.
Out of all my children, there is one, a son, who I will allow you to meet today. When I was pregnant with him, ( I never ever had a happy pregnancy), his was one of the most stressful pregnancies I had and all of them were very stressful. I had my Beauty Salon at the time and when I found out that I was pregnant and told the father, he instructed me to get rid of it. I was worried and scared, this child were to be my third if I brought him in, because I was under pressure to not bring him, and although I wanted to bring him I felt trapped in what to do. Even though the wicked father told me to get rid of the child he did not provide the money for the abortion, and so I called my mother to borrow some money to make up what I had to do, the procedure. The place that I wanted to go was an exclusive place and it was very expensive I guess due to the type of well to do people who went there for abortions. The morning I was scheduled to go I opened my shop for the workers to come in and I waited for my driver to come and get me. The appointment was for 12 noon that day. My driver came and we left, no one knew what I went to do or where I went for that matter, only my mother as she had loaned me some money toward it. I arrived at the place and sat in the car with my driver 36, that was what we called him, 36. He asked no questions and I was confident that he would never betray me. I sat in his car lost in thought for about ten minutes until he asked me if I was ok, which brought me back to the now and I told him to please give me a few. I had arrived twenty minutes early for my appointment, and so I had a little time.
My eyes misted for a few and I was aware of 36 watching me through his rear view mirror, he said nothing but I felt the compassion for me. I sat up, drew in my breath and told him to take me home, he did. When I got home, the house keeper was asleep and the other two children were still at school, so I went to the kitchen and made myself a cup of soup which I was to have with crackers. As I sat down in the couch in my Parlor, in walked the devil’s incarnate, surprised at seeing me he asked me what I was doing home. I resented this man, this/Beast/Hog/Son Of a Bitch/Satan Spawned/Dirt Bag/ Skum/Mother Effer/ some more choice words, so much, I pretended not to hear him, I drank my soup and munched on my crackers. My pregnancy was early so I was not feeling well. He came over to me, towering over me, as how Napoleon Bonaparte would tower someone (lol, please get that joke, it is very funny) and asked again, short of ignoring him I could not pretend not to hear him as he was right there almost brushing my arm with his person, I decided to test him. I lied. I told him that I had done the abortion and that I was not feeling well, and that was why I was home. While I spoke all this, I held my head down, staring at my soup as I spoke, I could not look his face, as I lied to him, when I finished speaking, I heard nothing, no response, there was silence for a while and I decided to look up. Surprised, I looked harder and I saw what seemed to be some semblance of regret in his eyes, could it be that this monster had feelings?, I held my breath, I dared not speak, I did not want to lose the moment of thinking that Frankenstein had a soul which,I had began to think that Prison had stolen or perhaps the Grinch who stole Christmas. He broke the silence by saying, “I am sorry, I know you did not want to have the abortion, but the children are coming too quickly and we have so many things to do”, Lies all lies! I felt it deep down in my soul (I had one), that while he may have been feeling something in that moment it was not TOTAL REGRET OR EVEN REGARD FOR ME! I said nothing, I did not respond and he walked away.
I called 36 to come and get me to bring me to my shop and by this time he was laying down on the couch in the parlor, I took my bag up and headed for the door and he asked where I was going, I responded that I was going to work he got up and took his keys up ready to take me, but I stopped him by placing my hand on his chest, I looked him square in the eye and said softly, “let me tell you from now, and I have a very strong suspicion that what I am about to say will ruin your day, but I will say it anyway, I am pregnant, I did not do the abortion which you suggested, It is not about what you want, it is about me and my baby who I already love”. I walked away, I knew in my heart that our relationship would not last very long, there were to be one more child for this man (I had no idea of this), and then it all be over. I have never regretted walking away from him, but I love all my children. When my son was born he was the splitting image, the twin of the father, nothing for me, nothing. Jamaican people have a saying, an old wives tale so to speak, that when a woman is pregnant and the mother hates the father or anyone for that matter, the child comes out looking exactly like the person you hate, I proved it with this boy and the father, The stress which I went through with the pregnancy made my son hardly move for the eight months while I was pregnant, yes you read correct, eight months, I had him a month early, stress!!
The boy while in my belly hardly made a move, it was as if he knew the condition I was under and so he did not want to disturb me further or cause me any distress, and I was worried for him also because of this, all the other children played net ball and foot ball in my stomach but this one was quiet as a lamb. He weighed three pounds when he was born, all was well with him, just small (Mth he grew well in de nedda area mi proud fi sey, *wink*, caws nuh paw paw tree nuh de America) and he had to stay in the hospital for a month in an incubator. As he grew, he was quiet, he never gave any trouble none of them did, and he tried not to ask me for anything or distress me in anyway. He would do as I asked and he never argued back or asked me why if I requested anything of him. He aimed to make me happy, because of how he was with me there were times when I ignored him. There were times when he would ask me for something and I would say yes, I will do it or give it and while the other children would have reminded me if I never did it, or if I took too long, he never reminded me of anything. He would ask and if he did not get it, he let it alone. Often times it would be months when I would remember and when I asked him why he never said anything, he would say that he did not want to bother me. I felt bad. He grew and stilled maintained to be the splitting image of his father, which meant he was extremely handsome, the father, I cannot tell a lie even though I want to, was a handsome man.
Of all my children this boy, asked the least of me and did the most for me. I want to say this all my children, except one, are similar in this behavior in which I am their first priority and they love me almost as how they loved their God, but the exception with this boy is that he will deny himself food, if he comes home and I cook and he is hungry and I am sleeping, he will not disturb my sleep for me to give it to him. I have a rule in my house, that nobody goes into my pot, if they do I will not eat from it. So they know when food is cooked, I am the one to share. When it comes to loving up and kissing up the children which I do often, he is often times left out, because he is so quiet I use to forget that he was there. I have since realized that, because I did it unintentionally, and so I had a heart felt discussion with him and told him that I realize that for years, I took it for granted that he was there because of him being so quite, I asked him to do the most for me, because he did not sigh, grumble or hem and haw, he did the most and I neglected him the most. I worried about that, it played on my conscience and so I prayed and asked for guidance in making it up to him. He never complained if he went to the shop a hundred times for the day and he did. He alone would go to the shop for me, take out the garbage while the other galiss one, (galiss is a Jamaican word which means, men who like many women) my other son laid in bed speaking on the phone with his girlfriends, and this one did all the work. In recent years I have made it up to him, I have become more attentive, I preempt his needs before he asks for anything, I hug him more and share him the largest plate at dinner time, he enjoys my cooking and tells me that I will have to teach his wife to cook like me. The idea of sharing my son, this quiet one, (with the other, de horse done gone choo de gate) with a wife, oh my God, will I be like Marie from everybody loves Raymond?
It is important to show your love, if you love someone let it show in you actions. This blog is about spirituality and every aspect of it and without love which is the strongest emotion what use is there for life as we know it? Here on this blog, we send out love and light always to each other and while we may not know each other in the flesh there is a camaraderie here which makes us feel for each other as if we were in fact related which in fact we are, spiritually. We are all related spiritually, all of who blogs daily with us did not find the site by chance, we were all placed here by our Ori and our guides. The other day a blogger emailed me and asked me to call her, I did, she said that she did not feel my love anymore on the site from me, she said she felt neglected and that she was hurt and she even cried about it. I was at first touched that she was troubled at the thought that I had neglected her, which I hurriedly told her no not at all, but touched at the fact that she did feel my love on the site enough for her to react when she thought that is was withdrawn. Her speech showed me that regardless of the computer and us operating and congregating through cyber world, love was/is felt by us all. That, to me is a great thing!
There is something special about quality instead of quantity. I am a Jamaican woman, who is an Initiate into an African Religion, who blogs about it and tells of sacrifice and of Obeah and Juju and witchcraft and of my wicked baby father and horrible sisters, beautiful children and of Africa and of my fears, hopes and courage, of my dreams, and nostalgic memories of my sweet home Jamaica, and I am quirky and funny, I joke and I laugh, I sing and I play music, I DJ on the blog, talk about cats doing the rukumbine and men using the Jamaican paw paw tree to “grow” and all sorts of stuff, yet I have found on this site bloggers who are like mined, who all have fun with me and my quirky ways, and who are all fun loving people also…wonderful!
To the blogger who felt neglected (for one day, yuh too damn spoil), I love you honey, I do. There is nothing that you can do to remove my love and appreciation from you (unless tek mi man, homey don’t play that!). Love is the most significant element of happiness, we need to know that when love is about, we are happy. In matters of the heart and with any relationship people will have their ups and downs but love conquers all. We need to show appreciation for all the people in our lives who we love and have deep feelings for, too often we neglect the people we love or take them for granted as I did my son. Words do not show love or tell of its realness, it is the actions by which we will know, as the saying goes, “Actions speaks louder than words” and that is true. We love God and all that we have around us in possessions and in family (for some), take the time out to rub your wife’s feet when she comes home from work or rub his feet when he comes home, geem de wickedest slam when night come, I will not translate dat, lol, do not give bun! Call your mother or father out of the blue and invite them to lunch, buy a family member a gift, call your friend and tell him or her that you were just thinking about them, show your love, send flowers, or write a love note, hug someone today, It is important.
Live, love laugh. Share with me today a love story, I have always shared mine, do in kind and give me something to read, I implore you!
Olójú kan kìí mọ’yì Ọlọ́run à fi tí nǹkan bá gbọ̀n sí. /
A person with only one good eye is seldom thankful to God, until a speck enters the eye…..Yoruba Proverb!
[Remain grateful in every situation.]
All religion are valid as long as it teaches peace and love…Obara Meji!
Obara Meji is a spiritualist, Ifa-Orisa practitioner, and teacher of metaphysics. Since 2011 she has used her online platform to share her personal experiences to those seeking answers about spirituality. Her teachings will expand into short stories, novels, and public speaking to continue her mission of bringing enlightenment to the world.