In my postings I have never hidden the fact that I was a fearful child. I worried a lot and wondered most often of death and that “Final” moment. As a child I would sometimes look at my mother and burst out bawling at the thought of death taking her away from me. I thought she was old, (children usually think grown up’s were old, my mother was perhaps in her late twenties, early thirties then) and death was near. The thought of this would make me sad for days on end, until she reassured me that she would be ok.
Through out my life I paid much attention to my fears (which were often imagined), which seemed like a creepy old guy with a scathly look, and beady black eyes with gnarly fingers, and a wicked smirk, who walked behind me all the time, like a heavy black cloak that hung around me all the time, pointing out things to me that I usually would not even have thought about. I would be walking from school and all of a sudden, weird guy would just pop up out of nowhere and whisper in my ears, “look at this or look at that, did you know this or did you know that?.
Often times I would swat him of with a quick flip of my hand, and he would withdraw for a while, standing and watching as I walked briskly off, but he would find some way to come back, he had no shame, and was determined. There came a time when he began to have influence over me, yes he did. I had become vulnerable, this was during the time when my mother had withdrew her love for me and was not being kind to me.
He first came as comforter and friend, oh yes he was deceptive, that is his character, and as I relaxed and leaned into his false warmth, he gained control over me for a while, so much that he brought his wife, depression along. This scowly, daunting looking woman, who never smiled or had a good thought. She entered my life with dark clothing, and a sour smell and she insisted in staying for a while, although I protested at her coming, she never smiled instead she wore a scowl like a crown, she hated everyone and I hated her.
They lived with me for a while and the two of them brought their children, anxiety and panic attacks. These were the worst, and they taunted me often, they had me in their grips for a little while, refusing to go and refusing to release me. They dared me to tell anyone that I had first entertain them and that was how they all moved in. It was my fault. I had allowed them to come and now I had no idea how to remove them out of my life, and I was too fearful to tell anyone what I was going through with them for fear that people would think I was weird, mad even. I cried every day and night, and while I cried and became even more sad day by day, they grew stronger, and stronger.
They jeered and mocked me and told me that I was weak, and crazy, they told me I was good for nothing and that I was a fool. They told me nobody loved me and God was not real,for where was he as they tortured me, and if he were real, he did not love me as well. They had a strong hold over me and I feared that they would never go, The created a lot of bangarang at nights, so much that I could not sleep. I felt like a crackhead, without the crack. I was jittery, and my fingernails became my food. They cheered me on as I bit and chewed on my nails, and urged me not to eat food or even spread my bed.
I felt as if I fallen into a deep empty well with no way of getting out, and no one knew I was down there. From where I was in the well I could see light, but it was so far away off, and as I screamed for help, I heard my voice echo, but no response from a single soul, I was on my own, shaken, alone and sad, and I just did not know what to do.
After a while, I decided that I would not be their prisoner anymore, something deep inside of me urged me to fight them, and so I dared to do what they taunted me and told me I couldn’t do. I began to talk. I spoke to every and anyone about them (fear, depression, anxiety and panic attacks), all which was spawned by Fear. I began to tell people how I felt, and all that I feared, and that my fear made me sad and my sadness made me anxious and I could not breath at times (panic attacks) when fear gripped me with strong hands. I had no idea, that as I spoke of them to others they began to lose their power over me, the more I shared my story, the weaker they became, they tried to regain power with threats and more, but as I took people who I had opened up to advice, in meditating and relaxing, listening to light music (chinese music helped me a lot) drink woodroot tonic and take vitamin B6 or B12, building up my strength, which they had drained from me as a vampire would his victim.
I did as recommended and found that a rope was thrown down the well for me to pull myself up and I did. It took a little while, the infestation of them around me was much, but eventually I got rid of them and to this day I have never entertained that wretched beast, Fear, again. He nor his skanky wife depression nor the devil children anxiety and panic attacks. I conquered fear. You can too. Never be afraid to talk, if you are worried, if you have no one to talk to, then hire someone. You are not crazy if you seek therapy, I have never had it, but would recommend it, (no medication however). Find a stranger (if you are private and do not want friends or family into your business), and speak to them, you will never have to see them again and it will help. Just do not entertain fear of any kind. Below is a post I wrote a while ago, please read and add your own story.
Fear The Destroyer of Lives
By Obara Meji
I was recently privy to a conversation of a man who was complaining to a woman about her behavior in their relationship and he had decided that he did not want to continue with her anymore. The woman in turn threatened the man wildly with everything that she could including witchcraft. She called onto him brimstone and fire, (as if she had the power to do that!, lol), and also threatened him with impotence through witchcraft. You would have thought that she was the mythical Lucifer’s mother, the way she acted. Trying her hardest to use fear to bend the man’s will. Hurricane Irene (Orisha Oya) Lifted her skirt tail over New York. The media scared the living daylights out of the whole city, through FEAR!, supermarkets and hardware supplies were sold out!!!……What a power this little word has!.
Fear is an evil enemy to human beings. It is fear that created racism. It is fear that breathes war!, It is fear that spews hate!, It is fear that causes religious disharmony!, It is fear why you call the spiritualist a witch, it is fear that drives ones mind mad!..Fear cripples the mind, causes confusion, stress, heartaches and pain!!!. Fear you wicked brute, I Obara Meji command you to flee!, Fear you son of a bitch!!!….I rebuke you in all that is holy and true, I place light upon your ugly face to expose you as the slime ball you are. Fear you are a criminal, and we stomp on you with heavy boots. Fear!, we fear you not!, we stand upon you and smirk, because we have conquered you!….Remove your self from the heart, mind and soul of human beings and set the world free…from the grips of your dirty hands. We have thrown down our Gauntlet and are standing up to you Fear!!!, you shall never win!!!. It is Fear that propels gossips, its is fear that sparks greed and strife. Lucifer, human beings are always cursing you, they say that you are wicked and so they cuss at you and rebuke you through fear!!!, what power they have given to you, (if you really exists, which you do not, but fear have created you and have used you to hold the inhabitants of the earth as captives), but I Obara Meji do not believe in you, so therefore I fear you not!, We learn important wisdom from proverbs!, and as you can see at the end of all my post that I always use a proverb, here are some quotes of Fear…our natural enemy!!!…always remember….There is nothing to fear than fear itself!!!….every problem has a solution…Obara Meji.!!!
Franklin D. Roosevelt….You can conquer almost any fear if you will only make up your mind to do so.
For remember, fear doesn’t exist anywhere except in the mind hence the quote, “The only thing we have to fear is fear itself,” ……
Always do what you are afraid to do.
You can discover what your enemy fears most by observing the means he uses to frighten you
Don’t fear failure so much that you refuse to try new things.
Fears are nothing more than states of mind
We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark; the real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light.
You block your dream when you allow your fear to grow bigger than your faith
Every time you win, it diminishes the fear a little bit. You never really cancel the fear of losing; you keep challenging it.
Whether you think you can or think you can’t, you’re right
We should not let our fears hold us back from pursuing our hopes.
Nothing in life is to be feared, it is only to be understood
Fear is excitement without breath.
Try a thing you haven’t done three times. Once, to get over the fear of doing it. Twice, to learn how to do it. And a third time to figure out whether you like it or not
It is better to be feared than loved, more prudent to be cruel than compassionate
Fear is a darkroom where negatives develop
There are very few monsters who warrant the fear we have of them
The surest way to prevent war is not to fear it
Apprehension, uncertainty, waiting, expectation, fear of surprise, do a patient more harm than any exertion
Great occasions do not make heroes or cowards; they simply unveil them to the eyes of men
occasions do not make heroes or cowards; they simply unveil them to the eyes of men.
He who fears something gives it power over him
Fear makes strangers of people who would be friends
Get the facts first, THEN panic
The basis of optimism is sheer terror
To fear love is to fear life, and those who fear life are already three parts dead
Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgement that something else is more important than fear
Fear breeds fear
The things you fear are undefeatable, not by their nature, but by your approach
Obstacles are like wild animals. They are cowards but they will bluff you if they can. If they see you are afraid of them… they are liable to spring upon you; but if you look them squarely in the eye, they will slink out of sight. ~Orison Swett Marden
If a man harbors any sort of fear, it percolates through all thinking, damages his personality and makes him a landlord to a ghost. ~Lloyd Douglas
A cat bitten once by a snake dreads even rope. ~Arab Proverb
Fear: False Evidence Appearing Real. ~Author Unknown
The wise man in the storm prays God, not for safety from danger, but for deliverance from fear. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson, Journals, 1833
Anything I’ve ever done that ultimately was worthwhile… initially scared me to death. ~Betty Bender
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A stone thrown at a bird in anger can’t kill the bird……Yoruba Proverb![Actions taken in anger seldom achieve desired results]