There was a time when I was younger that I allowed my imagination to shield me from the harsh realities of life, or to breathe happiness within my mind. It was an escape when I did not want to pay attention in class, or while I did my chores, even to conjure friends I didn’t have. My imagination was wild and vivid, (this makes for a very creative person) so I traveled the world in my mind, experienced many things in my mind, was anyone I wanted to be in my mind, and it was comforting.
The power of thought is a wonderful thing and thinking of this, our ability to do this, makes our creator worthy to venerate. Yet there can be a downside to all of this for some people. Some people, filled with same imagination as I, never come back to reality. Yes I say “we create our reality” and we do, but there are some who fantasize about things abstract and out of touch of themselves or who they perceive themselves to be. The mind is powerful and can do what you command it to. It can bring forth what you want if you are awake enough to consciously bring it to you here in this reality. Some people are strong within their conviction as to what they want or aspire in life, that regardless of being “conscious”, they have the ability of creating their life the way they see it in their head and it manifests before them in their waking and alert state.
I met a couple once in Jamaica. A very nice family with two small children. They were rasta people who lived in the country side and had embraced their spirituality. I loved their story and how they lived as a family. The husband had built their home from the trees he had cleared the land with and he farmed every day. I sat with the wife in her neat home one day as she breast fed her youngest baby and remarked to her of how lovely their lives seemed to me. She smiled and told me that she was happy in her blissful environment with a loving and hands on husband. She then said, “Obara, this is exactly what I asked God for while I was at sea, (She was in the navy) I prayed everyday for the life I have now and the man who is my husband”. We smiled together as she pulled the now sleeping baby from her breast and turned her on her stomach to lay on her lap. She then added cheekily “The only thing I did not pray for him (the husband) to come with was some money… we’re happy, but no money Obara” she said, still smiling.
She had created her life, which she was living and was conscious enough to realize that she got exactly what she conjured, but she had forgotten to include how they would survive financially as a family. I realized from this that we should be careful of our specificities when spiritually ordering our life, or our life’s additions. Some women may fantasize about having a man like Brad Pitt, and may very well get their version of Brad in this reality, but he may come with some tendencies which you may hate. Same for the man, he may want a dream girl (in beauty) but she also may have some disturbing habits or some things that may want you to vomit when you get your version of that dream girl.
So how do we get what we want and still be happy? The fantasy in our head is soothing, but the reality when faced can be disappointing. I once married (the first and only time I was ever legally married) a man I disliked. I wrote about him here and called him Mr. High Grade. We were together a long time and when I decided to marry him, I divorced him a year later. I actually began to dislike him six months after I met him, but I decided to settle with him because I knew all my family members waited for us to part and I didn’t want them to get that satisfaction. In my mind was the “I’ll show them!” determination. So I stayed. I stayed and endured a terrible and emotionally abusive relationship not only to spite all my naysayers, but I filled my head with the lie that one day, I may get to like him again.
That day never came. He felt it and used to ask me if I hated him. I would quietly deny it, but at nights when he would come home from doing nothing on the road, I would leave the room and go sit with my children to escape his presence. Read here.
I have been binge watching the old show Gun Smoke and found myself so enthralled by the character Matt Dillon. At nights I would watch season after season, loving how strong Matt was, how masculine. I kinda figure myself to be an Ogun groupie (the diety Ogun), Ogun being so strong and masculine and Matt’s character seems to fit. No, I did not see me married to him or anything like that, I just watch his shows and sigh dreamily when he gunned down a bad guy or box down some fool. As the days and nights passed with me happily watching my Matt, I began to realize the fault I had in previous relationships. In my mind lays the perfect spouse, but it does not seem as if he exists here in this world. The relationships I have had in the past had had some semblance of what I imagine or have fantasized about, but never in its whole. It seems as if I have glimpsed some qualities and ran head on into disappointments afterwards. I kept doing that. My story book hero has never been born. Or maybe I’ve never met him,(yet). Yet he can be created in a T.V drama or in one of my novels. Wow, I am being lowered down from off my high, but probably now I will be sober enough to make better decisions, not dazed ones anymore. Dazed by my fantasy of something that may never be complete as how I want it to be.
We humans fantasize about many things, and this isn’t only a fault of women but men also. We have our own means of escape and this is good at times, but this also shapes our expectations. Media propaganda has taught us that women ought to look a certain way and men ought to act a certain way. So a man dreams of his woman being a size 2 and search for her regardless of being in love with his school mate who is a size 10. He has to have what is acceptable to the world so that he can be congratulated, she is what society accepts. Yet the girl next door loves him and longs for his attention, she has somewhere going in life. Same for the women, if his pocket is deep and he is a heavy spender, then he is who she wants, rather than the man who truly loves and respects her.
Our fantasies are influenced by life’s sweetness. Yet we can, through them, bring them into our reality, not realizing that it could have a negative reaction in our lives. Yes, we can fantasize, but when you do come back to reality, your reality, smile and realize to yourself that this is all in your head.
Women, when searching for the right spouse you can conjure him with repeating this as a mantra:
“I pray the Universe send to me a spouse that embodies all that a man should be“.
As simple as this. For men, repeat this as a mantra:
“I pray the Universe sends to me a spouse that embodies all that a woman should be“.
For the best most effective prayers, do them at an early morning hour. When we awake in the morning, we are returning from our journey during sleep. The essence of that journey has not yet been broken, and also at these early morning hours great celestial beings of light pass through. If you want to do an experiment with a mantra, email me for more instructions.
What is important in the mantra above is that there are no specifications. You leave the fate of your happiness in the hands of who knows best: God. The Universe is wisdom filled and will know what is conducive to your spirit. Learn to trust and stop living in your head. Matt has taught me this. I was about to go and purchase a pillow and name it Matt, but nah I won’t. Not after this post.
I love you all,
Èyàn tó ńbínú orí, irú wọn kìí rí fìlà de. /
Those who are deriding the head seldom find the right size of cap to fit it…….Yoruba Proverb
There are no disappointments in life, only lessons learned!….Obara Meji